Risky Business quotes

View Quote Jackie: Joel, be a courageous person. Open the door! That way, you see, I can call a cab.
Joel: Again, I'm really sorry.
Jackie: As long as we come to an arrangement, I'm in no mood for complaining. I mean, when you put your good money down you gotta get what you wanted in the first place. Know what I mean? When you buy a TV, you don't buy Sony if you want RCA. I know we could get along real well. But, hey! It's your hard-earned money, right? This way, we make an arrangement and everyone is satisfied.
Joel: You had carfare.
Jackie: A long ride. I don't ever come out this far.
Joel: And your time.
Jackie: My time, my effort, my infinite patience and understanding.
Joel: Thank you.
Jackie: 75 dollars.
Joel: Fair enough.
Jackie: Joel, I'm going to give you a number. You ask for Lana. It's what you want.
Joel: Thank you.
Jackie: It's what every white boy off the lake wants.

View Quote Joel's Father: Do you have something to tell me?
Joel: No...I don't think so.
Joel's Father: I just got off the telephone with Bill Rutherford. Apparently, you two had quite a meeting. "Princeton can use a guy like Joel."
Joel: What?
Joel's Father: "Princeton can use a guy like Joel." His exact words!
Joel: That's unbelievable!
Joel's Father: You're as good as in! I knew you could do it! Haven't I been telling you, sometimes you have to say: "What the heck!" Take some chances.
Joel: You were so right.
Joel's Father: You've made me very proud.

View Quote Joel's Father: Joel, do you hear something odd? Something unpleasant?
Joel: No.
Joel's Father: A preponderance of bass, perhaps?
Joel: No.
Joel's Father: Is this the way I left the equalizer?
Joel: No.
Joel's Father: This is not a toy for you and your friends. If you can't use it properly, you're not to use it at all. My house, my rules.

View Quote Bill Rutherford: You've done some very solid work here, but it isn't quite lvy League, is it?
Joel: You know, Bill, there's one thing I learned in all my years. Sometimes you have to say "What the ****." Make your move.
Bill Rutherford: I beg your pardon?
Lana: So, how are we doing?
Joel: Looks like University of Illinois!

View Quote Barry: I can't believe Glenn bringing Statwiler over like that.
Joel: Why?
Barry: Because he boffed Hendricks last week!
Joel: He did?
Barry: Yes! And after the game on Saturday, he ****ed her.
Joel: Barry?
Barry: What?
Joel: Boffing and ****ing are the same thing.
Barry: They are?
Joel: [laughing] Yes. What did you think it was?
Barry: I thought it was something else. You're sure on this?
Joel: I'm positive.
Barry: Shit!

View Quote Guido: [on the phone] Time of your life, huh, kid?
Joel: Where's Lana?
Guido: Maybe she's on the choo-choo. I hear she's got this thing about choo-choos.
Joel: I want to know who took my stuff.
Guido: I took your stuff, Joel, are you kidding?
Joel: Then you listen to me, buster! You a-hole! If I don't get my stuff back... [Guido hangs up] Shit!
[Joel calls back]
Guido: A-hole?
Joel: I want my furniture back right now.
Guido: Now, you listen to me.
Joel: No, no! You listen to me! [Guido hangs up] Shit!
[Joel calls back]
Guido: This is getting boring.
Joel: Can I have my furniture back? Please?
Guido: You listen to me, you little ****! You not only took my two best girls, you call me names and insult me!
Joel: I'm sorry.
Guido: If I had any self-respect, it wouldn't just be the furniture, it would be your legs! Your arms! Your head! Do we understand each other?
Joel: Yes, we do.
Guido: No! Do we understand each other?
Joel: Yes, we understand each other.
Guido: Well, you're lucky in one respect.
Joel: What's that?
Guido: I like you, Joel. Don't you know that?

View Quote Joel's Mother: Just use your best judgement. We trust you.

View Quote Joel: So is this Guido guy... he's your "manager"?
Lana: That's right.
Joel: Or a pimp?
Lana: Now that's quick Joel. Have you always been this quick, or is this something new?
Miles: I don't believe this! I've got a trig midterm tomorrow, and I'm being chased by Guido the killer pimp.

View Quote [about Lana] It was great the way her mind worked: No guilt, no doubts, no fear. None of my specialties. Just this shameless pursuit of immediate material gratification. What a capitalist! She told me I could make more money in one night than I'd make all year. Enough to pay for my father's car. She told me she'd be my girlfriend. She told me a lot of things. I believed them all. So, she introduced me to her friends. I introduced her to my friends.

View Quote Guido: Joel, you look like a smart kid. I'm going to tell you something I'm sure you'll understand. You're having fun now, right? Right, Joel? The time of your life. In a sluggish economy, never ever **** with another man's livelihood. Now, if you're smart, and I hope you are, you're not gonna make me come back here.

View Quote The evening worked out well. We had a good cash flow. Rutherford made a few new friends. He said he'd do his best for me. Finally, it was time to close shop. The girls were exhausted. Lana was hungry. She wanted to go out for a bite. She wanted to make love on a real train. Who was I to say no?

View Quote Joel's Mother: Joel?
Joel: Yes, Mom?
Joel's Mother: Can I talk to you for a minute? What happened to my egg?
Joel: What do you mean?
Joel's Mother: There's a crack in it!
Joel: You're kidding!
Joel's Mother: No, Joel, I'm not kidding. There's a small crack, inside the egg.
Joel's Father: What's wrong?
Joel's Mother: My egg is ruined.
Joel's Father: What happened?
Joel: I don't know.
Joel's Mother: You don't know.
Joel: Mom, maybe it was there before.
Joel's Mother: I don't think so, Joel. How could you let this happen?
Joel: I'm sorry.
Joel's Mother: This is so damned irresponsible of you!
Joel's Father: We'll get another one. Joel will pay for it.
Joel: Sure, I'll pay for it.
Joel's Mother: Where will you get the money to pay for something like that? I'm very disappointed in you. [walks out]
Joel's Father: She'll be all right. Why don't you put in some yard work?

View Quote Miles: Okay. Good. You've done the old man's car bit. That's a good start. Now, try this on for size. [reading from the personals] "The Leather Castle. Chicago's finest dominants and submissives. Fully equipped dungeons. Beginners welcome."
Joel: It sounds great, Miles.
Miles: Here's one! "My daddy used to spank my bare bottom. Now he's gone. Will you take his place? Call Misty." Come on, Joel. You've got to take advantage of this! They come to your house! "Countess Angelique seeks young submissive with large ankles!" This is it! "For a good time in the privacy of your own home, call Jackie: 555-1247." Succinct, to the point, down to business. What do you say?
Joel: If you want to call, call for yourself.
Miles: A good time, Joel! In the privacy of your own home! What else can you ask for?
Joel: I'll make my own calls, thank you.
Miles: Then...call!
Joel: Forget it!
Miles: All right! I'm calling.
Joel: You're calling?
Miles: Someday you'll thank me for this.
Joel: You'd better not mention me.
Miles: It's her answering machine. Hi, Jackie, this is Joel Goodson, 525 Remson, Glencoe. I'd like a good time in my home tonight. Bye!
Joel: That was really cute. Now, give me the number so I can call her back.
Miles: Number? There's no number?
Joel: Give me the number, damn it!
Miles: I'm telling you, [eats the paper] there's no number.
Joel: You're an asshole!
Miles: Gotta go. Catch you later.
Joel: Shithead!

View Quote Joel's Mother: Please Joel, do what they say, just get off the babysitter.

View Quote Porsche Service Manager: Who's the U-Boat Commander?