Risky Business quotes

View Quote Joel: How could she? It's so stupid!
Miles: Tell your mother it broke!
Joel: That egg is worth a lot more than $300!
Miles: What are you going to do?
Joel: I'm gonna get it back, is what I'm gonna do. Are you going to help?
Miles: Sure. When?
Joel: Right now!
Miles: I can't do it right now! I have a trig mid-term tomorrow!
Joel: Hey, "Mr. What-The-****" what about "exploring the dark side" and all that? Or was that just bullshit?
Miles: That was just bullshit, Joel. I'm surprised you listened to me.

View Quote Lana: Let's make love on a real train.

View Quote Guido: Hey Joel! Here's to your future as a businessman. 'Cause God knows, you're gonna need it.

View Quote Miles: What happened?
Joel: Last night?
Miles: That's right, with Kessler.
Joel: She was babysitting down the street.
Miles: We know that.
Joel: So, I went over there. She was giving the kid a bath and accidentally hit the shower thing. All of her clothes were drying upstairs.
Miles: '[laughing] It could happen.
Joel: So she plops down on the kitchen floor and she looks up at me and says "I think I'm in the mood."
Barry: She said that? What did you say?
Joel: I didn't have to say anything.
Barry: What did you do?
Joel: What do you think I did?
Glenn: I think you got the hell out of there...ran home, and whacked off.
[Everyone laughs]
Joel: With Kessler just lying there, just wanting me??
Miles: I disagree.
Joel: Thanks.
Miles: Did you have your bike?
Joel: Yeah.
Miles: I think you got on your bike, pedaled home...and whacked off.
[Everyone laughs]

View Quote You know what he said afterwards? He said the lady had knowledge. He was glad to get the knowledge. Do you know why? Because college women can smell ignorance... like dog shit.

View Quote Barry: Are you stoned?
Joel: No. I do not believe so.
Barry: I think you're really wasted!
Joel: This is not wasted, Barry. This is definitely not wasted...Barry? I'm a little wasted!
Barry: I know.
Joel: Don't let me do anything stupid.
Barry: Don't worry.

View Quote Joel: Listen, you guys. Doesn't anyone want to accomplish anything? Or do we just want to make money?
Barry: Make money.
Girl: Just make money.
Glenn: Make a lot of money.
Barry: What about you, Joel?
Joel: Serve my fellow mankind.

View Quote Lana: Are you ready for me... Ralph?

View Quote Barry: [about some girls walking by] Sublime breasts.
Joel: [laughing] They're what kind of breasts?
Barry: Sublime breasts!

View Quote Glenn: My cousin went into dermatology. First year, over 80 grand!
Barry: Just for squeezing zits?
Glenn: Why don't you try it, Barry? You have the experience.
Barry: Thank you, you're very kind.

View Quote Joel: I don't think I'm going to say, "What the ****" anymore. This thing has gotten way out of control. I'm going to kill Miles.
Lana: Oh, come on, Joel. Look at it this way. You're making a lot of money. You're providing your friends with an invaluable service. God knows, they needed the service! And, right now, you are one hot-shit future enterpriser. Don't worry so much. I'll be upstairs. And... you have a girlfriend to boot.
Joel: Do I?
...
Joel: Well, do I?
Lana: What do you think?
Joel: I don't know. You tell me. Yes? No? Maybe?
Lana: Yes...No...Maybe. [kisses Joel]

View Quote Miles: No guts, Goodson.
Joel: The problem was I just wasn't attracted to her.
Miles: That should never stop you.
Joel: She seemed too big.
Miles: It could've worked out.
Joel: I thought I'd get into trouble.
Miles: Sometimes you have to say, "What the ****!" Make your move!
Joel: That's easy for you to say. You're all set. You're probably going to Harvard. Me, I don't want to make a mistake, jeopardize my future!
Miles: Joel, let me tell you something. Every now and then, say "What the ****." "What the ****" gives you freedom. Freedom brings opportunity, opportunity makes your future... So your parents are going out of town. You got the place all to yourself.
Joel: Yeah.
Miles: What the ****...If you can't say it, you can't do it.

View Quote It seems to me that if there were any logic to our language, trust would be a four letter word.

View Quote Joel: Porsche. There is no substitute.
Miles: **** you.

View Quote [voiceover] The dream is always the same. Instead of going home, I go to the neighbors'. I ring, but nobody answers. The door is open, so I go inside. I'm looking around for the people, but nobody seems to be there. And then I hear the shower running, so I go upstairs to see what's what. Then I see her; this... girl, this incredible girl. I mean, what she's doing there I don't know, because she doesn't live there... but it's a dream, so I go with it. "Who's there?" she says. "Joel," I say. "What are you doing here?" "I don't know what I'm doing here; what are you doing here?" "I'm taking a shower," she says. Then I give her: "You want me to go?" "No," she says; "I want you to wash my back." So now, I'm gettin' enthusiastic about this dream. So I go to her, but she's hard to find through all the steam and stuff; I keep losing her. Finally I get to the door... and I... find myself in a room full of kids taking their college boards. I'm over three hours late; I've got two minutes to take the whole test. I've... just made a terrible mistake. I'll never get to college. My life is ruined.