Night at the Museum quotes

View Quote My God, man, are you rabid?

View Quote Actually, I never did any of those things. Teddy Roosevelt did. I was manufactured in a mannequin factory in Pounkeepsie. I never shot a wild beast. I'm not even brave enough to tell that beautiful woman (Sakajewea) I love her. But you (Larry)...you gotta finish the job this time. You can't quit. I'm made of wax, Larry. What are you made of?

View Quote Nothing's impossible. If it can be dreamed, it can be done. Hence the 20-foot jackel staring at you. (To Larry) Don't make eye contact!

View Quote [Larry jumps out from being a wall and screams, scaring the other guards]
Cecil: We're too old for surprises.
Larry: Really? I thought you liked surprises! Especially the fact that everything in the museum comes to life at night! That little sweetheart.
Cecil: Larry, we wanted to tell you but you never would've believed us.
Larry: Do you have any idea what I've been through tonight?
Gus: What?
Larry: I said, "Do you have any idea what I've been through tonight", Gus!
Gus: Keep a lid on it, butterscotch!

View Quote Cecil: It can get a little spooky at nights so you might want to put a few lights on. The most important thing - don't let anything in...or out.
Larry: Out?

View Quote Jedediah: Fire up the iron horse, boys.
Larry: Hey, blondie!
Jedediah: Name's Jedediah.
Larry: Okay, Jedediah, stop the train, please!
Jedediah: That's a big no-can-do, crackerjack.
Larry: What's going on here?
Jedediah: Somebody's got to pay.
Larry: Pay for what?
Jedediah: I don't know, just pay! Now stop whining and take it like a man!
Larry: Seriously, stop the train!
Jedediah: Alright, stop the train.
Larry: Thank you.
Jedediah: NOW FULL SPEED AHEAD AND RAM HIM!
["toy" train hits Larry in the nose, topples over]
Larry: Ooh, ow...
Jedediah: Oh, for crying out loud!
Larry: All right. That's enough!
cowboy: We got a breach!

View Quote Teddy Roosevelt: Theodore Roosevelt, 26th President of these United States of America, at your service.
Larry: Okay, I'm Larry Daley, the new night guard...
Teddy Roosevelt: Pleasure to meet you, Lawrence Daley! Now, if you excuse me, [****s shotgun] the hunt's afoot.
Larry: [mutters] Hunt's afoot.

View Quote Larry: [to Jed] "Hey, Teeny," how does that sound?
Jedediah: It hurts my feelings.
Larry: Well, Gigantor makes me feel like some kinda freak.
Octavius: I just call you Larry.
Larry:: Don't be a kiss-ass.

View Quote Easter Island head: QQQQQQQQQUUUUUIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEET!!!! (pause) My dum dum wants to speak!

View Quote Larry: Okay, Dexter. No hard feelings, okay?
[Dexter slaps Larry, Larry raises his hand to slap Dexter in return] Teddy Roosevelt: [threateningly] Lawrence...
Larry: But... You saw!
Teddy Roosevelt: Who is evolved?
Larry: [muttering] I am...
Teddy Roosevelt: WHO is evolved?
Larry: I am!