Jonathan Switcher: This job at Illustra is destroying your sense of humor. You gotta quit.
Roxie Shield: I'm not the one who can't deal with reality.
Jonathan Switcher: Reality is very disappointing.

Ema "Emmy" Hesire: Tonight, we'll do something different and special. Something that this store has never seen before. I just wish you didn't look so worried.
Jonathan Switcher: That's easy for you to say. You're a mannequin, you'll always have work. Me, I'm gonna wind up in the nuthouse after this. I wonder if insanity is covered in the employee health plan?

Mrs. Claire Prince Timkin: If there's anything I could do for you--
Jonathan Switcher: Yeah, I could use a job.
Mrs. Claire Prince Timkin: What do you do?
Jonathan Switcher: Anything!
Mrs. Claire Prince Timkin: When can you start?
Jonathan Switcher: Uh, as soon as I finish this!

Mrs. Claire Prince Timkin: Mr. Richards, this store has never been more successful, and it's all due to Jonathan Switcher. I don't care if he puts a rubber glove on his head and runs naked around the store yelling: "Hi, I'm a squid!"

Mannequin Factory Boss: You know, you could get the dummy of the week award, Switcher.
Jonathan Switcher: She turned out pretty good, didn't she?
Mannequin Factory Boss: I wasn't talking about her.

Mrs. Claire Prince Timkin: I don't know how we're going to make this store great again.
Jonathan Switcher: Looks fine to me. What time do we open?
Mrs. Claire Prince Timkin: We are open.
Jonathan Switcher: I'm sure things will pick up by lunch.

Captain Felix Maxwell: Mr. Richards, you'd better put some camouflage on, sir.
Mr. Richards: I am not going to put shoe polish on my face, thank you.

Jonathan Switcher: Hollywood, I don't know about men's thighs, they look fine to me. They really do.
Hollywood Montrose: Thank you. Albert called me "cellulite city". Maybe he's right. Maybe I should have my hips lifted.

Captain Felix Maxwell: [to Jonathan] Switcher, you are one sick puppy!

Hollywood Montrose: I am so glad you're working here!
Jonathan Switcher: You are?
Hollywood Montrose: Well, of course I am, darling. I never thought they'd hire anyone stranger than me.

Captain Felix Maxwell: Just what is your assignment here tonight, boy?
Jonathan Switcher: I'm helping Hollywood with the window.
Captain Felix Maxwell: Oh, the little Mary has an assistant now? Where do you people from come from?
Jonathan Switcher: Ohio.
Captain Felix Maxwell: Ohio? You mean they got 'em in Ohio?

Jonathan Switcher: [coming out of the elevator] Easy, Felix! I don't think she's armed!
Captain Felix Maxwell: You can fool Rambo but it won't work with me, Switcher! My brain is quicker than a club!

Hollywood Montrose: An artist never leaves his work unfinished.
Jonathan Switcher: It looks fine to me.
Hollywood Montrose: In that case, I'm a dream that once was.

Jonathan Switcher: Just when I think you're real, you vanish. What's with you? What's with me?
Ema "Emmy" Hesire: Didn't I tell you? You're the only one who can see me like this.
Jonathan Switcher: It's not exactly fair, is it?
Ema "Emmy" Hesire: Talk to them.

Teach him to mess with a man and his mannequin.