Mrs. Thomas: Who's crying?
Lupe: It's either our new vice president, the fairy... or the dummy!

Roxie Shield: I think you should see a professional.
Jonathan Switcher: A professional? What do you mean, a hooker?
Roxie Shield: No, I mean a psychiatrist.
Jonathan Switcher: I can't afford a psychiatrist.
Roxie Shield: Then call one of those shrinks on the radio.
Jonathan Switcher: A radio shrink? They're only good for people with problems that fit between the commercials.

Roxie Shield: You could've decided to tell me that you wanted to stand me up. Instead, you come here to me lying with this ridiculous story.
Jonathan Switcher: I'm not lying. I'm insane.

[looking at a stereo system playing] Where do they hide all the musicians?

[on the phone] Mom, lemme ask you, did I ever do anything really strange as a child?... Is there any history of insanity in the family?

[seeing Mannequin Emmy in a store window] It's you! I wanted to take you home, but they wouldn't let me. You know you're the first thing I've created in a really long time that made me feel like an artist.

[to Felix] You people that work at night scare me.

[to his boss] I'm fired, pick up my paycheck on the way out, never come back...

[to Jonathon] Imagine pretending you're a regular stock boy when you're an A-number-one arteest!

[to Jonathon] You've got good hands. I liked the way they felt when you were putting me together.

[to Mannequin Emmy] Speak up, don't be shy.

Actor Role Andrew McCarthy Jonathan Switcher Kim Cattrall Ema "Emmy" Hesire Estelle Getty Mrs. Claire Prince Timkin James Spader Mr. Richards G. W. Bailey Captain Felix Maxwell Meshach Taylor Hollywood Montrose Carole Davis Roxie Shield Steve Vinovich B. J. Wert Christopher Maher Armand

At least she'll never tell you that your hips are too fat.

Diets don't work. It's those jelly doughnuts, they call to me in the middle of the night. Hollywood, Hollywood, come and get me Hollywood.

Don't let Felix get to you, he's just got a bad case of Miami Vice.