Major League quotes

View Quote Rick: I got news for you Mr. Brown, you haven't heard the last of me. You may think I'm shit now, but someday you're gonna be sorry you cut me. I'm gonna catch on somewhere else and every time that I pitch against you I'm gonna stick it up you're ****in' ass! [throws baseball against locker]
Lou: Good! I like that kind of spirit in a player. The only problem is I didn't cut you.
Rick: What?
Lou: I think someone's been having some fun with you.

View Quote Roger: [after Rick tackled him, and the two have been separated] Don't **** with me, Vaughn!
Rick: Yeah? [shouting] **** you!
Roger: What's the matter, rookie ****-Wad? Can't you take a little joke?
Rick: Real ****ing funny, asshole.
Lou: All right, [shouting] All right. Knock that shit off.
Roger: Lou, you better make it real clear to this little lady that I'm not about to take his shit.
Lou: Shut up, Dorn.

View Quote Jake: What I was concerned with was why you didn't come up with that grounder that Ryckert hit in the 9th
Roger: It was out of my reach, what do you want me to do dive for it?
Jake: Rog, it could have meant the game!
Roger: Oh come on, cut the rah rah shit Taylor! Year after this I go free agent. Plus me and my agent got a couple of plans for life after baseball. So I am not about to risk major injury or deface this property for a collection of stiffs!
Jake: Ya know Dorn, I liked you so much better when you were just a ballplayer. If you wanna be an interior decorator now, that's none of my business. But some of us still need this team. Now you listen to me! This is my last shot at a winner and for some of the younger guys it could be their only shot. I don't know what happened to you. But if you ever, ever tank another play like you did today, I'm gonna cut your nuts off and stuff em down your ****in throat!

View Quote Willie: [looks over Jake's shoulder and see's him reading a comic book] Moby Dick? What you reading that for?
Jake: This happens to be a masterpiece of American Literature.
Willie: [chuckles] Lynn turn you on to that?
Jake: Yeah... a long time ago.
Willie: Well listen, if we ever get out of here, me and the other guys are going to a club later on tonight. You want to come with us?
Jake: [frustrated] Oh, I can't, I got some reading to do.
Willie: [rolls his eyes] What man, you got a test or something? Jake, man why don't you just go over there and see her. Maybe she'll let you slide on a couple of these.
Jake: Well I would if I knew where she lived.
Willie: That's easy! Just tail her home from the library.
Jake: You mean sit in my car and wait for her to get out of work and then follow her? That's kind of juvenille don't you think?
Willie: [ponders it for a split second] Yeah!

View Quote Willie: What the hell league you been playing in?
Rick: California Penal...
Willie: Never heard of it. How'd you end up playing there?
Rick: Stole a car.

View Quote Harry: [before the playoff game] Monty, anything to add?
Monty: Ummm... no.
Harry: He's not the best colorman in the league for nothing, folks!

View Quote Lou: [at a team meeting] Can I have your attention, please? I have something I think you all ought to know about. It seems that Mrs. Phelps doesn't think too highly of our worth. She put this team together because she thought we'd be bad enough to finish dead last, knocking attendance down to the point where she could move the team to Miami... and get rid of all of us for better personnel.
Roger: Even me?
Lou: Even you, Dorn.
Eddie: What if we DON'T finish last?
Lou: She'll REPLACE you with somebody who WILL. After this season, you'll be sent back to the minors or given your outright release.
Jake: [stands] Well then I guess there's only one thing left to do.
Roger: What's that?
Jake: Win the whole ****ing thing.
[long pause]
Willie: [stands] Yeah.
Pedro: [pounds his hand] YES!

View Quote Remember, fans, Tuesday is Die Hard Night. Free admission for anyone who was actually alive the last time the Indians won the pennant.