The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou quotes

115 total quotes (ID: 342)

Alistair Hennessy
Bill Ubell
Jane Winslett-Richardson
Klaus Daimler
Ned Plimpton
Oseary Drakoulias
Steve Zissou


Eleanor: Your cat's dead.
Steve: What? Which one?
Eleanor: Marmalade. I'm sorry.
Steve: What happened?
Eleanor: A rattlesnake bit it in the throat.
Steve: Goddamn it, Eleanor, why do you have to say it like that? You couldn't try to break it a little bit nicer?
Steve: She's a rich bitch, you know. She was raised by maids. Her parents paid for this island and two of my worst movies. People say she's the brains behind Team Zissou.
Ned: People say a lot of things. What kind of cat was it?
Steve: Who gives a shit?
Steve: I think it was a tabby.


Steve: Hey intern, get me a Campari.
Intern #1: On the rocks?

Alistair: Apparently some crooked ****ers broke into my sea lab yesterday.
Crew member: How awful. Did they nick anything?
Alistair: It doesn't say. They probably just trashed the place. I'm so pissed I wanna spit. Hugo - tell Carl to load my elephant gun with buckshot. We're gonna hunt down these sickos.

Klaus: So, you really think you're a Zissou.
Ned: I don't know.
Klaus: Well, you traveled a long way for "I don't know," sonny.
Ned: That's true. But it's important to me.
Klaus: Yeah? Well, there are a lot of things that are important to some people around here, sonny.
Ned: Klaus, don't call me "sonny."
Klaus: And one more thing: It's the Steve Zissou show, not the Ned show. [slaps Ned in the face] You hear me?
Ned: Yes, I do. Klaus?
Klaus: Ja?
Ned: If you ever touch me again, I will kick your goddamn teeth out. Is that understood?
Klaus: Not if I don't see you first, sonny.

Anne-Marie: Do you know that you just charted us on a course through unprotected waters?
Steve: Yeah, we're taking the shortcut.
Anne-Marie: But it's outside I.M.U. jurisdiction. There isn't any protection.
Steve: I know, honey. Look at the map. We go your way, that's about four inches. We go my way, it's an inch and a half. You wanna pay for the extra gas?

Steve: Encounter with highly abnormal sharklike fish! Ten meters in length, unfamiliar dorsal features, spots all over it! I shot it dorsally with a homing dart! Esteban was eaten! Check the scanning monitor! Start tracking before it dives too deep!
Klaus: Esteban was bitten?
Steve: Eaten!
Klaus: Is he dead?
Steve: Esteban was eaten!
Klaus: He was swallowed whole?
Steve: No! Chewed!

The Arctic Night-lights. Yeah. "As if the natural world's been turned upside down." Lord Mandrake. Vikram, get some cutaways of this miracle. Klaus, Ogata, put out the deck fires before we sink.

Bill: Do you have a vault? They want to know if there's a vault.
Steve: There's no vault.
Steve: [narrating a scene of a documentary being watched by the pirates] Our vault contains at least ten different currencies from all over the world at any given moment, and we are prepared for every kind of financial necessity.
Steve: [seeing pirates with the vault] There goes Ned's inheritance.

Bill Ubell: [as Steve raises his spear gun] No. Captain. That's Cedric. He's a friend.
Steve: Merci, Cedric. Remind me, we'll send him a red cap and a Speedo.

Alistair: Is this my espresso machine? Wh-what is — h-how did you get my espresso machine?
Bill Ubell: Well... uh... we ****in' stole it, man.

Eleanor: Oh, shit. What do you want?
Steve: Do you mind if I butter you up a little before I answer that question?
Eleanor: Yes, I do. Tell me now.
Steve: I need some money to get the boat out of hock and rescue my bond company stooge who got kidnapped. Could we ask your parents to loan it to me?
Eleanor: No.
Steve: Okay. Could I go ahead and butter you up anyway? It took me two and a half hours to get out here.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go on an overnight drunk, and in 10 days I'm going to set out to find the shark that ate my friend and destroy it. Anyone who wants to join me is more than welcome.

Antonia Cook: You must be so excited.
Steve: I hope so. You think it went OK?
Antonia Cook: No. Congratulations... Seriously.
Steve: Thanks. I wish it didn't require the "seriously," but thank you.

Alistair: You're the most ravishing creature that I've ever seen in my life.
Eleanor: Hello Skinny.
Alistair: Hello Eleanor.
Eleanor: Is that a new merit badge?
Alistair: Oh, yeah, as a matter of fact it is. I just became a Knight in Portugal, the Presidente gave a special ball...
Steve: Don't be nice to Ali, he's my nemesis.

Ned: What happened to Jacqueline?
Steve: She didn't really love me.