Liar Liar

Liar Liar quotes

56 total quotes (ID: 771)

Fletcher Reede
Max Reede

Audrey, good news, both my legs are broken so they can't take me straight to jail.

I CAN'T LIE!!!!!

*holding a blue pen* The color of the pen is re-, the color of the pen is re-... THE COLOR OF THE PEN THAT I HOLD IN MY HAND IS RE- ROYAL BLUE!

I'm kicking my ass, d'ya mind?!

I'm on my knees in a nine hundred dollar suit!

It's... THE CLAW!!!

I wish for just one day, dad couldn't tell a lie.

Max: My dad? He's... a liar.
Teacher: A liar? I'm sure you don't mean a liar.
Max: Well, he wears a suit and goes to court and talks to the judge.
Teacher: Oh, you mean he's a lawyer.

Max: Do the claw to mom, dad, do the claw to mom!
Fletcher: Uh-oh. You've found the claw's only weakness. Subzero temperatures.
Audrey: So did you have any trouble finding the place?
Fletcher: All right, I'm late. I ran oughta gas! The gage is broken. Rough neighborhood too. Good thing I was wearing neutral gang colors. Might've had to rip out my nine and bust a cap! My mind on my money and my money on my mind!
Audrey: They'd never hurt you, Fletcher. You're their lawyer.
Fletcher: Ooh. That was below the belt. Try to keep the gloves up.
Max: Mom, Dad's taking me to see wrestling!
Audrey: Ugh. Fletcher!
Fletcher: Ugh. Audrey!

Fletcher: I was hoping after being married to me you'd have no more strength left.
Audrey: Well, you have to remember that when we were married, I wasn't having sex nearly as often as you were.

Fletcher: Mrs. Cole, the only problem here is that after you've provided years of faithful service and loving support raising his children - They are his?
Samantha: Oh yeah. One for sure.
Fletcher: After all that, your husband wants to deny you a fair and equitable share of the marital assets based on one single act of indiscretion.
Samantha: Seven.
Fletcher: Beg your pardon?
Samantha: Seven single acts of indiscretion.
Fletcher: SEVEN! acts of indiscretion, only one of which he has any evidence and all of which he himself is responsible for.

Max: [thought voice-over] I wish that for just one day, Dad couldn't tell a lie.
Miranda: [after sex] Ummm, that was incredible. Was it good for you?
Fletcher: I've had better.

Fletcher: New in the building?
Busty Woman on Elevator: Yeah.
Fletcher: How do you like it so far?
Busty Woman on Elevator: Everybody's been real nice.
Fletcher: Well, that's because you've got big jugs. [Woman looks back at him quickly] I mean your boobs are huge. I mean, I wanna squeeze 'em. Mama! [Makes sucking motion]

Bum: Got any spare change?
Fletcher: Absolutely!
Bum: Well, could ya spare some?
Fletcher: Yes I could!
Bum: Will you?
Fletcher: [shakes head] Uh-mm!
Bum: How come?
Fletcher: Because I believe you will buy booze with it! I just want to get from my car to the office without being confronted by the decay of Western society!... Plus I'm cheap! AHHH!

Judge Stevens: How are we this morning, Counselor?
Dana: Fine, thank you.
Judge Stevens: And how about you, Mr. Reede?
Fletcher: I'm a little upset about a bad sexual episode I had last night.
[Shocked pause]
Judge Stevens: Well, you're young. It'll happen more and more. In the meantime, what do you say we get down to business?