The King of Comedy quotes

View Quote Rita: So all this time you've been thinking about me, huh?
Pupkin: That's right, Rita.
Rita: What kinds of things were you thinking?
[Pupkin drops his eyes shyly. Rita laughs]
Rita: Oh, ho! Those kinds of things! Shame on you, Rupert.
Pupkin: Rita, I assure you there was ...
Rita: Rupert Pupkin is an unclean person!
Pupkin: Come on, Rita. People will hear.
Rita: [whispering] Rupert Pupkin is an unclean person. Oh, come on, Rupert. Relax. Have a little fun.

View Quote Pupkin: Get that guy you knew from Clifton out of your head right now. You're looking at Rupert Pupkin, Rita. Rupert Pupkin, the new King of Comedy.
[Rita laughs]
Rita: I'm sorry.
Pupkin: Why not me, Rita? A guy can always get what he wants if he's willing to pay the price. All it takes is a little talent and sacrifice and the right break. If you've got a friend in the right place, that's all it takes. And that's exactly what I have going for me right now. After all, crazier things have happened.

View Quote Secretary: Is Mr. Langford expecting you?
Pupkin: Yes, I don't think he is.

View Quote Woman: You're Jerry!! You know something? [She giggles] I undress in front of you every night and Larry here doesn't mind at all.
Larry: I can't get anything started with her until you're off the air. Your show is ruining my sex life, Jerry.
Langford: Well then, you'll just have to put on a better show than I do.

View Quote Pupkin: [after Cathy has rejected his request to appear on Langford's show] May I ask you a question, Miss Long?
Cathy Long: Of course.
Pupkin: Are you speaking for Jerry?
Cathy Long: Let's put it this way, Mr. Pupkin. Mr. Langford has complete faith in our judgment.
Pupkin: I'm sorry to have to say this, Miss Long, and I certainly don't want you to take it personally, but I have to tell you that I don't ... I don't have faith in your judgment.
Cathy Long Well, I'm sorry you feel that way, Mr. Pupkin. But I'm afraid there's nothing that can be done about that.
Pupkin: No ... No ... I'm afraid I'll have to disagree with you again.
Cathy Long: That's your privilege, Mr. Pupkin. Now, if you'll excuse me, please, I have some things to do. I'm sorry the news isn't better.

View Quote Rita: What do these people do for fun? Do they party or do freaky things or just get drunk or ... I mean, what do they do?
Pupkin: I guess they just sit around and talk and enjoy each other's company, like anybody else.
Rita: Talk?!? What can you talk about for three or four hours?
Pupkin: What do you mean? They've got plenty to talk about. They do things. All kinds of interesting things happen to them and then they talk about them. What do you think Jerry's show is all about?
Rita: Yeah, a ****tail party with no drinks. That's what all those shows are. At least they help you get to sleep.

View Quote Pupkin: All I'm asking is fifteen minutes. That's all. Just long enough to listen to my act. Is that asking too much -- fifteen minutes of your day against my whole life?
Langford: I'll call the police if I have to... I have my own life, that's all.
Pupkin: But what about me, Jerry? What about my life? I made plans -- based on what you said. You can't just turn your back on me.
Langford: I'm not telling you again.
Pupkin: So this is the way it works when you're big, huh? You just play with people. Is that part of the kick, Jerry? I can see I was all wrong about you. All wrong.
Rita: Come on, Rupert.
Pupkin: Shut up! You weren't my friend at all, were you? You were just playing some kind of game with me. Well, that's not going to stop me, Jerry. I'm just going to work a little bit harder, that's all, use a little bit more enterprise. And not count on anybody. That's where I made my mistake. I can see that now.

View Quote Pupkin: I didn't like being so rough out there, Jerry. But I wanted you to know that I meant business. I didn't want anything happening to you over some misunderstanding. Now I know you're wondering what this is all about. Actually you've got nothing to worry about. You just do what I tell you and by, say, midnight, you'll be safe and out of here. Of course if you try anything clever, I'll kill you -- or Marsha will. She knows how to use this too.
Langford: You realize what you're saying.
Pupkin: Come on, Jerry. This isn't a spur of the moment thing. Give me a little credit, will you. Sit down. Now, you're going to call your office and tell them this: that unless a man who identifies himself as the King is allowed on the show tonight as the first guest, they'll never see you alive again.

View Quote Patten: Look, I tell you, the bureau is doing everything possible to locate Mr. Langford. Right now our men are out checking out every radical group in this city.
Executive: Radical?
Patten: They're willing to sacrifice their leader in order to get their message across, aren't they? You've got to figure that this is a desperate outfit. I don't know who they are anymore than you do. But I do know I've got to stop them. Otherwise, what you're seeing here is just the first of a whole wave of these kinds of kidnappings.
Thomas: Does this mean we're not supposed to put him on?!?
Patten: Who am I addressing, please?
Executive: That's Bert Thomas. He produces the show.
Patten: I'm only saying, Mr. Thomas, that we can't allow this to reach the public. When the kidnappers call in, of course you're going to be cooperative. Promise them anything they want. After all, this King character is going to have to show up sooner or later. And once we get our hands on him, he'll tell us where Mr. Langford is.

View Quote Patten: Let him go on if you have to. It's just a taping. You can always erase him afterwards, can't you? All I'm saying is this: don't put him on the air.
Thomas: That's fine, Inspector, but let's say he finishes his bit and you've worked him over ...
Patten: Questioned him, Mr. Thomas.