Hot Fuzz quotes

View Quote Tim Messenger: Sergeant Angel, Hi hi. Quick word for the Sandford Citizen?
Nicholas Angel: Uh, it was very enjoyable.
Tim Messenger: 'Cop Enjoys Watching Young Lovers'?
Nicholas Angel: I don't think so.
Tim Messenger: 'Local Bobby Gives Thumbs Up to Teen Suicide'?
Nicholas Angel: That's just grossly inappropriate.
[Nicholas and Danny have just chased down a speeding vehicle. Nicholas confronts the driver, Martin Blower and his partner Eve Draper]
Martin Blower: Was I going a tad fast, officer?
Nicholas Angel: [reading his license] Yes you were Mister... Blower.
Martin Blower: Well now you see, we are staging a homage to William Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet and we're a little late for the dress rehersal. I'm playing the eponymous hero. Romeo, not Juliet.
[he sees that Nicholas is copying down everything that he is saying on his notepad]
Martin Blower: What are you writing?
Nicholas Angel: Everything you're saying, I might need to refer to it later.
Martin Blower: Now officer, I am a respected solicitor so there's no need to-- just stop writing now. Look, I am merely trying to explain why I might have exeeded the speed limit.
Nicholas Angel: [reading from his notepad] You're playing the male lead in a homage to William Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet and you're late for the dress rehersal. Do you think this is a good enough reason to travel at 48 in a 30 zone?
Martin Blower: But I--
Nicholas Angel: To flout speed limits specifically put in place to save lives?
Martin Blower: Oh, now this is preposterous!
Nicholas Angel: [writing] 'Preposterous.'
Martin Blower: [exasperated] Just stop WRITING!
Nicholas Angel: 'Stop writing.'

View Quote [after Angel has arrested three underage drinkers and a drunk driver]
Sgt. Turner: 'Sergeant Nicholas Angel'. When did you start?
Nicholas Angel: Tomorrow.
Sgt. Turner: I see you've already arrested the whole village.

View Quote [after arresting Peter ****er for shoplifting, he takes him back to the station]
Sergeant Tony Fisher: Impressive Collar. Shame Mr. Skinner doesn't wanna press charges.
Nicholas Angel: What do you mean, he doesn't wanna press charges?
Simon Skinner: [suddenly appears and starts offering the cookies that Peter stole to the police staff] I'm simply suggesting that young Peter be given a second chance, before he becomes just another crime statistic. I'm sure he's going to learn a valuable lesson.
Sergeant Tony Fisher: Stealing biscuits is... wrong?
Simon Skinner: [offering him a cookie] Correct.
Sergeant Tony Fisher: [eagerly] Oh, thanks!
Nicholas Angel: And yet we respond by not taking a single punitive measure?
Simon Skinner: [smiling with ill-concealed sarcasm] Well, that's the way the cookie crumbles.
Sergeant Tony Fisher: [chuckles childishly whilst scoffing a cookie] It's like the biscuits, isn't it? [chuckles]
Nicholas Angel: Mr. Skinner--
Frank Butterman: Is everything all right?
Nicholas Angel: Well sir, Mr. Skinner feels that it would be better not to prosecute an individual who has committed a blatant offence.
Frank Butterman: [whilst eating dessert] Leave this with me. I'll make sure everyone gets their just desserts.
Music Cue: Oh no!

View Quote [after Danny accidentally shoots Doctor Hatcher on his rifle range at the church fete]
Danny Butterman: I can't believe I shot someone.
Nicholas Angel: He's a doctor, he can deal with it.
Danny Butterman: I've never shot anyone before.
Nicholas Angel: Believe me Danny, it's not something you ever get used to.
Danny Butterman: Yeah. Maybe we should go on the bouncy castle to take our minds off it.

View Quote [after Nicholas has been shown around the police station]
Frank Butterman: Well, that's just about everything. Unless there's anything you're unclear about?
Nicholas Angel: Yes, sir, why is everyone eating chocolate cake?
Frank Butterman: The Black Forest gatteux is on Danny as punishment for his little indiscretion.
Nicholas Angel: Sir, I don't think driving under the influence can be called 'a little indiscretion.'
Frank Butterman: No, the gatteux is for misplacing his helment last week. Last night's incident will require something rather more serious.
Nicholas Angel: Good.
Frank Butterman: Do you like ice cream?
Nicholas Angel: I'm sorry sir, I don't follow.
Frank Butterman: Let's just say we won't be short of Chunky Monkey for the next month!
Danny Butterman: Dad!
Frank Butterman: Now, since it's your first day and it's half past eleven, I'd say that's lunch.

View Quote [attempting an assault on the supermarket meat counter, with the attendents throwing knives at them]
Nicholas Angel: What's the situation?
DC Andy Cartwright: Two blokes and a ****load of cutlery!

View Quote [Discussing Point Break]
Danny Butterman: Have you ever seen Point Break?
Nicholas Angel: No.
Danny Butterman: Amazing bit in Point Break where they jump over fences.
Nicholas Angel: Is there now.
Danny Butterman: Patrick Swayze has just robbed this bank, and Keanu Reeves is chasin' him through peoples' gardens, and then he goes to shoot Swayze but he can't because he loves him so much and he's firin' his gun up in the air and he's like 'ahhh!'
Nicholas Angel: Yep.
Danny Butterman: Have you ever fired your gun up in the air and gone 'ahhh'?
Nicholas Angel: No I have not fired my gun up in the air and gone 'ahhh'!

View Quote [encountering Danny Butterman, who Nicholas previously arrested for drunk driving, in uniform for the first time]
Nicholas Angel: Why are you dressed as a police officer?
Danny Butterman: Because I am one?

View Quote [Nicholas has chased down the young man in the purple track suit, named Peter ****er, who has stolen some cookies]
Nicholas Angel: You do not have to say anything, however it may harm your defence if you fail to mention when questioned something you later rely on in court. Anything you do say can be given in evidence.
[Danny finally catches up to them]
Peter ****er: Hi Danny.
Danny Butterman: [gasping] Hi Pete.
Nicholas Angel: Do you know this man?
Danny Butterman: Yeah, he's Auntie Jackie's sister's brother's boy.
Nicholas Angel: And it didn't occur to you to mention this before?
Danny Butterman: Couldn't see his face, could I? Not made of eyes!

View Quote [on Angel's first night in the Crown pub, he spies many underage drinkers and, even though he is not an official member of the Sandford police force until the next morning, he is spurred into action]
Nicholas Angel: Excuse me. When's your birthday?
Underage Drinker: [confidently] 22nd of February.
Nicholas Angel: What year?
Underage Drinker: Every year.
Nicholas Angel: Get out.
[Nicholas approaches a new target]
Nicholas Angel: YOU! When's your birthday?
Underage Drinker: Uh... 8th of May, 1969?
Nicholas Angel: You're 37?
Underage Drinker: Yeah.
Nicholas Angel: Get out.
[he approaches a swotty drinker with glasses]
Nicholas Angel: When's your birthday?
Underage Drinker: [panicking] Errr--
Nicholas Angel: OUT!

View Quote [preparing to watch an action movie]
Danny Butterman: Which one, Point Break or Bad Boys II?
Nicholas Angel: Which one do you think I'll prefer?
Danny Butterman: No, I mean which one do you want to watch first?
Nicholas Angel: You are pulling my leg.

View Quote [shortly before engaging the NWA in heated gunplay]
Tim Reaper: What are you going to do? Just walk in and arrest the whole village?!
Nicholas Angel: Not exactly.

View Quote [watching an elderly man in a large, thick coat pass by]
Nicholas Angel: What about this guy?
Danny Butterman: [surprised] Mr. Treacher?
Nicholas Angel: Yeah, why has he got that big coat on? He can't be cold, why the extra layer? Maybe he's trying to hide something.
Danny Butterman: Mr. Treacher?
[Nicholas turns his attention to a young man in a purple track suite, who's cap is pulled down over the top of his face]
Nicholas Angel: Okay, what about this guy? Why has he got his hat pulled down like that?
Danny Butterman: He's ****-ugly.
Nicholas Angel: Or he doesn't want you to see his face.
Danny Butterman: BECAUSE he's ****-ugly.
Nicholas Angel: [turning his attention to yet another suspicious character, this time a tall, muscular brute] What's his story?
Danny Butterman: Oh, that's Lurch.
Nicholas Angel: Go on.
Danny Butterman: He's a trolley boy at the local supermarket.
Nicholas Angel: Uh-huh.
Danny Butterman: Real name Michael Armstrong.
Nicholas Angel: Mmm-hmm.
Danny Butterman: Dad says he's got a child's mind.
Nicholas Angel: Okay.
Danny Butterman: He lives up Summer Street with his mum and his sister.
Nicholas Angel: And are they as big as he is?
Danny Butterman: Who?
Nicholas Angel: The mum and the sister?
Danny Butterman: Same person.

View Quote [whilst giving a presentation to a gathering of school children]
Nicholas Angel: Police work is as much about preventing crime as it is about fighting crime. Most importantly it is about procedural correctness in the exercising of unquestionable moral authority. Any questions?
[Danny puts up his hand]
Nicholas Angel: [sotto] Yes?
Danny Butterman: Is it true that there is a place in a man's head that if you shoot it, it will blow up?
[Angel gives Danny a filthy look]

View Quote [after shooting the village doctor in the foot] You're a doctor. Deal with it.