Hitch quotes

View Quote I'm like a vault baby, locked down!

View Quote Max: Spoken like a true cynic.
Sara: I'm not a cynic, I'm a realist!
Max: Or a realist masquerading as a cynic who is secretly an optimist.

View Quote Albert: You know, honestly, I never knew I could feel like this. You know? I swear I'm, I'm going out of my mind. It's like I want to throw myself off of every building in New York. I, I see a cab and I just wanna dive in front of it because then I'll stop thinking about her.
Alex "Hitch" Hitchens: Look, you will. Just give it time.
Albert: That's just it. I don't want to. I mean, I've waited my whole life to feel this miserable. I mean, and if this is the only way I can stay connected with her, then... well, this is who I have to be.

View Quote Vance: [grabs Hitch by the wrist] You see what I'm doing? This is what I'm about - power suit, power tie, power steering. People can wince, cry, beg, but eventually they do what I want.
Alex "Hitch" Hitchens: Oh! So that's, like, a metaphor?
Vance: Oh, yeah.
Alex "Hitch" Hitchens: Right. Well, see, I'm more of a literal kind of guy. So when I do this... [he reverses the grip, twists Vance's arm back and slams him on the table]
Alex "Hitch" Hitchens: This is more like me saying that I will literally *break your shit off* if you ever touch me again. Mmk, pumpkin?

View Quote Basic Principles - no woman wakes up saying "God, I hope I don't get swept off my feet today!" Now, she might say "This is a really bad time for me," or something like "I just need some space," or my personal favorite "I'm really into my career right now." You believe that? Neither does she. You know why? 'Cause she's lying to you, that's why. You understand me? Lying! It's not a bad time for her. She doesn't need any space. And she may be into her career, but what she's really saying is "Uh, get away from me now," or possibly "Try harder, stupid," but which one is it? 60% of all human communication is nonverbal body language; 30% is your tone, so that means 90% of what you're saying ain't coming out of your mouth. Of course she's going to lie to you! She's a nice person! She doesn't want to hurt your feelings! What else she going to say? She doesn't even know you... yet. Luckily, the fact is that just like the rest of us, even a beautiful woman doesn't know what she wants until she sees it, and that's where I come in. My job is to open her eyes. Basic Principles - no matter what, no matter when, no matter who... any man has a chance to sweep any woman off her feet; he just needs the right broom.

View Quote Max: She said people who are guarded are afraid that you can see right through them. That's why they hide behind layers of secrecy.

View Quote Sara: "I heard every word. You're a scam artist. You trick women into getting..."
Hitch: "Into getting out of their own way so great guys like Albert Brennaman have a fighting chance."
Speed Dating Host: "Please..."
Hitch: "No, no, no. I want -- (gestures at speed dating scene) I want everybody to take a look at this right now. Because this -- this right here -- this is exactly why falling in love is so goddamn hard!"

View Quote Alex "Hitch" Hitchens: Now, on the one hand, it is very difficult for a man to even speak to someone who looks like you. But, on the other hand, should that be your problem?
Sara: So life's kind of hard all around.
Alex "Hitch" Hitchens: Not if you pay attention. I mean, you're sending all the right signals - no earrings, heels under two inches, your hair is pulled back, you're wearing reading glasses with no book, drinking a Grey Goose martini, which means you had a hell of a week and a beer just wouldn't do it. And if that wasn't clear enough, there's always the "**** off" that you have stamped on your forehead.

View Quote [Albert is holding a box of Krispy Kreme doughnuts]
Alex "Hitch" Hitchens: What you got there?
Albert: This? I figured maybe if my heart stops beating, it wouldn't hurt so much.

View Quote You know what it's like getting up every morning feeling hopeless? Feeling like the love of your life is waking up with the wrong man? But, at the same time hoping that she still finds happiness, even if it's never going to be with you?

View Quote Because that's what people do. They leap, and hope to God they can fly, because otherwise you just drop like a rock, wondering the whole way down, why in the *hell* did I jump? But here I am, Sarah, falling, and the only one that makes me feel like I can fly... is you.

View Quote Begin each day like it was on purpose.

View Quote [showing Hitch his dance moves] Do the Q-tip! Q-tip! Now throw it away! Now what am I doing? I'm makin a pizza!

View Quote I'm a guy. Since when do we get anything right the first time?

View Quote Give me a ring... sometime. [Laughs] I mean, on the phone.