Heathers

Heathers quotes

79 total quotes (ID: 272)

Heather Chandler
Heather Duke
J.D.
Multiple Characters
Veronica Sawyer


J.D.: Greetings and salutations... you a Heather?
Veronica: No, I'm a Veronica.... Sawyer.


Veronica's Dad: Will someone tell me why I smoke these damn things?
Veronica: Because you're an idiot.
Veronica's Dad: Oh yeah, that's it.

Counselor: Whether or not a teenager decides to kill themselves is the biggest decision of their life.

My parents wanted to move me into high school out of the sixth grade, but we decided to chuck the idea because I'd have trouble making friends, blah, blah, blah. Now blah, blah, blah is all I ever do. I use my grand IQ to decide what color lip gloss to wear in the morning and how to hit three keggers before curfew...

Heather McNamara: Suicide is a private thing.
Veronica: You're throwing your life away to become a statistic on U. S. ****ing A. Today; that's about the least private thing I can think of.

Pete: [praying next to Heather Chandler's coffin] Dear Lord, please make sure this never happens to me because I don't think I could handle suicide. Fast, early acceptance into an Ivy League school and please let it be Harvard. Amen.

Great pate, mom, but I gotta motor if I wanna be ready for that funeral.

Heather McNamara: God, aren't they fed yet? Do they even have Thanksgiving in Africa?
Veronica: Oh, sure. Pilgrims, Indians... Tator Tots. It's a real party continent.

Geek: [while being bullied by Ram] Ah, oh, uh! I like to suck big dicks. Or, uh... Mmmm! Mmmm! I can't get enough of 'em! Are you satisfied?

Pauline Fleming: I think it's a good opportunity to share the... feelings that this suicide has spurred in all of us. Now, who would like to begin?
Tracey: I heard it was really gnarly. She sucked down a bowl of multi-purpose deodorizing disinfectant, and then SMASH.
Pauline Fleming: Now Tracey, let's not rehash the coroner's report. Let's talk emotions.

Great pate, mom, but I gotta motor if I wanna be ready for that party.

Betty Finn was a true friend and I sold her out for a bunch of Swatch dogs and Diet Coke heads. Killing Heather would be like offing the wicked witch of the west... wait east. West! God! I sound like a ****ing psycho.

Veronica: You know, I have a little prepared speech I tell my suitor when he wants more than I'd like to give him. Gee, blank, I had a really nice...
Brad: Save the speeches for Malcolm X, I just want to get laid.
Veronica: You don't deserve my ****ing speech.

It's one thing to want someone out of your life, but it's another thing to serve them a wake-up cup full of Liquid Drano.

Kurt's Dad: My son's a homosexual, and I love him. I love my dead gay son.
J.D.: Wonder how he'd react if his son had a limp wrist with a pulse.