Heathers quotes

View Quote Heather Chandler: You stupid ****.
Veronica: You goddamn bitch.
Heather Chandler: I brought you to a Remington party and what's my thanks? It's on a hallway carpet. I got paid in puke.
Veronica: Lick it up, baby. Lick it up.

View Quote Veronica's Dad: Will someone tell me why I smoke these damn things?
Veronica: Because you're an idiot.
Veronica's Dad: Oh yeah, that's it.

View Quote Veronica: I just killed my best friend.
J.D.: And your worst enemy.
Veronica: Same difference.

View Quote Pauline Fleming: I think it's a good opportunity to share the... feelings that this suicide has spurred in all of us. Now, who would like to begin?
Tracey: I heard it was really gnarly. She sucked down a bowl of multi-purpose deodorizing disinfectant, and then SMASH.
Pauline Fleming: Now Tracey, let's not rehash the coroner's report. Let's talk emotions.

View Quote Heather McNamara: Suicide is a private thing.
Veronica: You're throwing your life away to become a statistic on U. S. ****ing A. Today; that's about the least private thing I can think of.

View Quote Veronica: If everyone jumped off a bridge, would you?
Heather McNamara: Probably.

View Quote Heather Chandler: Is this turnout weak or what? I had at least 70 more people at my funeral.
Veronica: Heather?
Heather Chandler: God, Veronica. My afterlife is so boring. If I have to sing Kumbaya one more time...

View Quote Kurt's Dad: My son's a homosexual, and I love him. I love my dead gay son.
J.D.: Wonder how he'd react if his son had a limp wrist with a pulse.

View Quote Veronica: All we want is to be treated like human beings, not to be experimented on like guinea pigs or patronized like bunny rabbits.
Veronica's Dad: I don't patronize bunny rabbits.

View Quote Veronica: Heather, why can't you just be a friend? Why do you have to be such a mega-bitch?
Heather Duke: Because I can be.

View Quote J.D.: Wanna go out tonight? Catch a movie? Miniature golf?
Veronica: I was thinking more along the lines of slitting Heather Duke's wrists open, making it look like suicide.
J.D.: Ah, now you're talking. I can be up for that. I've already started underlining meaningful passages in her copy of Moby Dick, if you know what I mean.

View Quote Veronica: You can't use that knife. That knife is filthy.
J.D.: What do you think I'm going to do with it, take out her tonsils?
Veronica: Excuse me, I think I know Heather a little bit better than you do. If she were going to slit her wrists, the knife would be spotless.

View Quote Veronica: You know, I have a little prepared speech I tell my suitor when he wants more than I'd like to give him. Gee, blank, I had a really nice...
Brad: Save the speeches for Malcolm X, I just want to get laid.
Veronica: You don't deserve my ****ing speech.

View Quote Student: Did You Hear? School's canceled today cause Kurt & Ram killed themselves in a repressed, homosexual, suicide pact.
Heather Duke: No way!
Student: Way!

View Quote Heather Duke: Hi, everybody. Door was open. Veronica, did you hear? We were doing Chinese at the food fair, when it comes over the radio that Martha Dumptruck tried to buy the farm. She belly-flopped in front of a car wearing a suicide note.
Veronica: Is she dead?
Heather Duke: No... that's the punchline. She's alive, and in stable condition. Just another case of a geek trying to imitate the popular people and failing miserably.
[Veronica slaps Heather]
...
Veronica: I said I was sorry!
Heather Duke: You were out of control! I mean Heather and Kurt were a shock but Martha Dumptruck? Get crucial! She was dialing suicide hotlines in her diapers!
Veronica: Ugh, shut up!