Heathers quotes

79 total quotes

Heather Chandler
Heather Duke
J.D.
Multiple Characters
Veronica Sawyer

View Quote Principal: Now I've seen a lot of bullshit... angel dust, switchblades, sexually perverse photography involving tennis rackets...

View Quote Geek: [while being bullied by Ram] Ah, oh, uh! I like to suck big dicks. Or, uh... Mmmm! Mmmm! I can't get enough of 'em! Are you satisfied?

View Quote Brad: It's so great to be able to talk to a girl and not have to ask "What's your major?". I hate that... . So, when you go to college, what subjects do you think you'll study?

View Quote Pete: [praying next to Heather Chandler's coffin] Dear Lord, please make sure this never happens to me because I don't think I could handle suicide. Fast, early acceptance into an Ivy League school and please let it be Harvard. Amen.

View Quote Veronica's Mom: When teenagers complain that they want to be treated like human beings, it's usually because they are being treated like human beings.

View Quote Father Ripper: We must pray the other teenagers of Sherwood, Ohio, know the name of that righteous dude who can solve their problems: it's Jesus Christ, and he's in the Book.

View Quote Ram: [praying at Heather Chandler's funeral] Jesus, God in heaven, why'd you have to kill such hot snatch? It's a joke, man. Geez, people are so serious. Holy Mary pray for our sinners, so we don't get caught. Geez, another joke man.

View Quote Heather Duke: [playing croquet] So what are you gonna do Heather? Take two shots or send me out?
Heather Chandler: Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast? First you ask if you can be red, knowing that I'm always red.
[puts her croquet ball against Heather's and sends it flying]
Heather Duke: Shit.
Heather Chandler: It's your turn, Heather.

View Quote Heather McNamara: God, aren't they fed yet? Do they even have Thanksgiving in Africa?
Veronica: Oh, sure. Pilgrims, Indians... Tator Tots. It's a real party continent.

View Quote Veronica: Watch it Heather, you might be digesting food there.
Heather McNamara: Yeah, where's your urge to purge?
Heather Duke: **** it.

View Quote J.D.: Greetings and salutations... you a Heather?
Veronica: No, I'm a Veronica.... Sawyer.

View Quote Veronica: We're doing a poll. This may seem like a really stupid question...
J.D.: There are no stupid questions.
Veronica: You inherit 5 million dollars the same day aliens land on the earth and say they're going to blow it up in 2 days. What do you do?
J.D.: That's the stupidest question I've ever heard.

View Quote Heather McNamara: [discussing J.D., who pulled a gun on Kurt and Ram] God, they won't expel him, they'll just suspend him for a week or something.
Heather Chandler: He used a real gun. They should throw his ass in jail.
Veronica: No way. He used blanks. All J. D. really did was ruin two pairs of pants, maybe not even that. Can you bleach out urine stains?

View Quote Veronica: Shit, Heather, I don't have anything against Martha Dunnstock.
Heather Chandler: You don't have anything for her either. Come on. It will be very. The note will give her shower-nozzle masturbation material for weeks.

View Quote J.D.: Is your life perfect?
Veronica: I'm on my way to a party at Remington University.... No, my life's not perfect. I don't really like my friends.
J.D.: I... I don't really like your friends either.
Veronica: Well, it's just like - they're people I work with, and our job is being popular and shit.
J.D.: Maybe it's time to take a vacation.