Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle quotes

View Quote [Kumar is licking Harold to wake him up]
Harold: What the **** are you doing?! God!
Kumar: Well, you were out cold, I figured if I started doing some gay shit you'd wake up.
Harold: Didn't we come here on a cheetah? Where's the cheetah?
Kumar: It ran away. Listen, I got some bad news and some worse news.
Harold: Okay, give me the worse news first.
Kumar: I was looking at some of the roadsigns, and it looks like the cheetah took us in a completely different direction.
Harold: What's the bad news?
Kumar: Your laptop's completely destroyed.
Harold: [shouts] How is that not the worse news?
Kumar: [calmly] The laptop situation really only affects you, whereas the White Castle situation affects us both equally.

View Quote Hello-o-o-o, New Brunswick!

View Quote Officer Martone: [notices the jail door keys in the jail door, and Tarik Jackson sitting inside the cell reading a book] Hey, Jackson's trying to escape!
Jackson: What are you talking about? I'm just sitting here.
Officer Reilly: He's trying to break free! Get him!
Jacksom: Aw, shit.
[gets up and spread eagles on the cell wall, while still holding the book in one hand]
Officer Martone: Don't move. Stop resisting! We need back up now! He's got a gun!
Jackson: That's not a gun, that's a book.
Officer Reilly: Secure the book!
Officer Palumbo: Book is secure. You bring this filth [book is on human rights] in here?! What is this shit?!

View Quote Freakshow: What the hell are you doing with my wife?
Harold: Y-you said outside that we could have sex with her!
Kumar: Shit! Shit!
Freakshow: I most certainly did not!
Harold: Yes you did!
Freakshow: Did not!
Kumar: Yes you did!
Freakshow: Oh, no, I didn't.
Kumar: You did, you did.
Freakshow: You sure?
Harold: You said it!
Freakshow: [laughing] My mistake! Well, since we're all here, how 'bout a four-some?

View Quote Shotgun anus!

View Quote Who wants first reach-around?

View Quote Move, you ****ing twat!

View Quote Harold: ...The universe tends to unfold as it should.
Kumar: What is that? Some fortune cookie?

View Quote Kumar: Do you know what the hell we had to go through after you took the car?
Neil Patrick Harris: Yeah, it was a dick move on my part. That's why I'm paying for your meal. [looks down to count money, lowers voice] Prick.

View Quote I'll tell these girls how you both got gonorrhea from that prostitute in Atlantic City.

View Quote Dude, am I going deaf or did he just say we could **** his wife?

View Quote Hey, move your ass!

View Quote Kumar: Now we're in Newark, of all places. You know we're gonna get shot.
Harold: Maybe it's not as bad as they say. Maybe it's just a bunch of hype.
Kumar: Check it out. Those guys look like a lame version of us.
[two guys get jumped and beaten with a 2x4 and other weapons]
Harold, Kumar: Holy shit!
[assailants stop beating up the two guys, look up and pause, then continue with the assaults while the two men lay on the ground moaning]
Harold: Let's get the **** outta here. Go! Go! Drive! Drive!
Kumar: Yeah, that was your fault.
Harold: **** you.
Kumar: **** you.

View Quote So she's kinda ****ing cute. Let her touch your penis.

View Quote [in dream, spits at a bag of marijuana] Bitch! Learn how to ****in' make coffee, you ****ing whore!