Hard Candy

Hard Candy quotes

30 total quotes (ID: 263)

Hayley Stark
Jeff Kohlver


Well, 4 out of 5 doctors agree that I am actually insane.


Remember what I said about not drinking anything you didn't see made yourself? Good advice for everyone.

This really is one of the simplest operations you could imagine. Makes me wonder why they teach Girl Scouts things like camping and selling cookies when they could teach them something really useful like this. [pause] Then again, I wouldn't know how they would design a merit badge for this type of activity.

[holding two glasses filled with a murky, bloody fluid] You want souvenirs? No? What should I do with them? We could see how far they bounce. Then again, some animal might decide they were his afternoon snack. Wouldn't want a little squirrel or coyote to get sick. Especially with you being such a conservationist. Maybe this would be best. Grind them up in the garbage disposal.

Jeff Kohlver: This is some...teenage joke?
Hayley Stark: Teenage, yes. Joke, no.

Jeff Kohlver: Those letters are mine.
Hayley Stark: Nothing's yours when you invite a teenager into your home.

Jeff Kohlver: Ah, so you and your mom are both wacked?
Hayley Stark: I dunno. That's that whole nature versus nurture question, isn't it? Was I born a cute, vindictive, little bitch or... did society make me that way? I go back and forth on that...

Jeff Kohlver: [while tied down to a chair] Look, look. I've been lonely, okay? And that makes me stupid, but I am not a pedophile. Look, this is some horrible mistake. Just untie me now and we'll forget this whole thing ever happened. Just untie me now!
Hayley Stark: Okay, well you know what? I am not lonely and therefore not stupid. I untie you, you might understandably be a little peeved. So when I am ready to go, I'll call a cab and call another one to let you loose.
Jeff Kohlver: And when will that be?
Hayley Stark: I'm not sure yet.

Hayley Stark: You are good and numb, aren't you?
Jeff Kohlver: **** off.
Hayley Stark: Your conversational skills are really deteriorating as the day goes on.

I'm reading this book about Jean Seberg. [looks at Jeff, who shakes his head] She's this actress who slept with all the wrong people and ended up killing herself.

Play time is over, Jeff. Now it’s time to wake up.

I shouldn't have teased you like that. I shouldn't have let you think there was a way out of this.

[about Jeff's testicles] I guess they, uh, weren't brass.

You use the same phrases about Goldfrapp that they use on Amazon.com. Busted!

I ****ing hate Goldfrapp.