Grumpy Old Men

Grumpy Old Men quotes

17 total quotes (ID: 846)


John and Max cleaning the snow off their cars
Max: You know what Jacob said. Jacob said that old Billy Henchel was killed in a car crash. Head on collision with a freight truck. Cleared his car straight over the bridge into the Mississippi.
John: Lucky bastard.
Max: You bet.
John: Hey, how is he anyway?
Max: Hes Dead! Died on impact!
John: Jacob, moron. Jacob!

John tells his father that Ariel moved in.
John: Did you hear, someone moved into the old Klickner place? A woman.
Grandpa: A woman?
John: Yeah.
Grandpa: Did you mount her?
John: Ohhh, Dad!
Grandpa: Well the woman, does she have big thighs?
John: No!
Grandpa: No?! Then what's the problem? If I was a young fella like you, I'd be mounting every woman in Wabasha. (Grabs the six pack of beer out of his son's hands). Keep the change!

Max: Morning, dickhead.
John: Hello, moron.

Max: Hey dickhead, win the lottery?
John: Enjoy your shower, smartass?

Various takes of Grandpa and John watching Chuck visit John's new neighbor Ariel. Grandpa: Looks like Chuck's slipping her the old salami

Grandpa: Looks like Chuck's taking the skin boat to tuna town!

Grandpa: Looks like Chuck's going for a ride on the wild baloney pony!

Grandpa: Looks like Chuck's a tom cat on the prowl - meow!

Grandpa: Looks like Chuck's taking the ol' log to the beaver!

Grandpa: Looks like he's gonna enter the holy of holies! Coitus Uninterruptus!

Grandpa: Looks like Chuck's gonna bury his boner!

John and Max asking Chuck about his visit to Ariel.
Max: Your old pal failed you, huh Chuck?
John: Ohhhh, couldn't rise to the occasion?
Max: Yes, the spirit was willing...
John: Yeah, but the flesh was, uh....
Max: Weak! Weak!

Grandpa: Looks like Chuck's going put the hot dog in the bun!

Kids. Can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em.

Matthau: If I knew there was going to be a nude scene in this picture I would've asked for another million.