Fletch quotes

View Quote I would have been here sooner, but a manure-spreader jackknifed on the Santa Ana. Gawdawful mess. You should see my shoes.

View Quote [Fletch is being framed for drug possession by two very large cops]
Fletch: Aren't you gonna read me my rights?
Cop: You have the right to remain silent. You have the right to have your face kicked in by me. You have the right to have your balls stomped on by him.
Fletch: I think I'll waive my rights.
...
Chief Karlin: [to the arresting officers] Why don't you two leave us alone?
Fletch: Yeah, go down to the gym and pump each other.
...
Chief Karlin: What's your name?
Fletch: Fletch.
Chief Karlin: What's your full name?
Fletch: Fletch F. Fletch.
Chief Karlin: What do you do for a living, Mr. Fletch?
Fletch: I'm a shepherd.
Chief Karlin: Why are you doing this, Mr. Fletch?
Fletch: I like men. I like to be manhandled. I like you.

View Quote ...and who would have known that the Vice President knew I was opening the door, but the Secret Service, they just whack [mimes door hitting him in the face] blood...

View Quote Fletch: Can't keep me here, chief.
Chief Karlin: Maybe I'm not going to keep you here. Maybe I'm going to blow your brains out.
Fletch: Well, now, I'm no lawyer, but... I do believe that's a violation of my rights.

View Quote Gail Stanwyk: You ordered lunch to my room.
Fletch: Well, I knew that's where my mouth would be.
Gail Stanwyk: Are you always this forward?
Fletch: Only with wet, married women.

View Quote Fletch: Do you have caviar?
Waiter: Si señor, Beluga, but it is 80 dollars a portion.
Fletch: Well, I better just take two portions of that, then.

View Quote Madeline: I'm sorry, who are you again?
Fletch: I'm Frieda's boss.
Madeline: Who's Frieda?
Fletch: My secretary.

View Quote Hey! I think all of our problems may have just been solved. Ed McMahon. Think I just won a million bucks. Yeahhahhah, Irwin M. Fletcher you choose. Woo wee! Oh boy, I lost. Again. Sorry.

View Quote Stanton Boyd: What kind of a name is Poon?
Fletch: Comanche Indian.

View Quote Gummy: [after Fletch gets kicked in the crotch] Fletch! Are you all right?
Fletch: Oh, yeah. I feel like a hundred dollars.

View Quote Fat Sam: I've got some reds.
Fletch: You don't mean communists, do you Sammy?

View Quote It was something your wife said while we were in bed together. She said we had the same build. From the waist up I imagine.

View Quote [singing] Strangers in the night, exchanging clothing, strangers in my pants...

View Quote If you haven't guessed, there's been a lot of drug traffic on the beach lately. And I'm not talking about Robitussin and No-Doz...I'm talking about the hard stuff. I've been posing as an affable, minor league junkie in order to get to the bottom of it. It hasn't been easy. I don't shower much.

View Quote Tierra Del Fuego.