Fletch quotes

45 total quotes (ID: 222)


Fletch: [Talking to the PanAm Reservations Agent at LAX] I hope there's no-one sitting next to me. See, I always fly first class and I take up both seats. I'm in bridge construction and these fold outs take up a tremendous amount of space!
Reservation Agent: I'm afraid there is somebody sitting next to you...
Fletch: Oh for god-dahh-dahh! Who is it, Mister Sinilindin?!
Reservation Agent: No, the name is Cavanaugh.
Fletch: Ah! Is that Morris or Pierre?
Reservation Agent: It's Sally-Ann Cavanaugh. She's connecting out of...Provo.
Fletch: Ah...Provo, Spain?
Reservation Agent: Utah. In fact, you purchased the ticket for Ms. Cavanaugh.
Fletch: Doesn't mean I want her sitting next to me, does it?

Alan Stanwyk: Do you own rubber gloves?
Fletch: I rent. I have a lease, with an option to buy.

Dr. Joseph Dolan: So where do you know Alan from?
Fletch: We play tennis together at the club.
Dr. Joseph Dolan: Really? The California Racquet Club?
Fletch: Yes.
Dr. Joseph Dolan: That's my club too. I don't remember seeing you there.
Fletch: Well, I haven't played in a while because of these kidney pains.
Dr. Joseph Dolan: Right. Now, how long have you been having these pains, Mr. Barber?
Fletch: That's Babar.
Dr. Joseph Dolan: Two bs?
Fletch: One. B-A-B-A-R.
Dr. Joseph Dolan: That's two.
Fletch: Yeah, but not right next to each other. I thought that's what you meant.
Dr. Joseph Dolan: Isn't there a children's book about an elephant named Babar?
Fletch: I don't know. I don't have any.
Dr. Joseph Dolan: No children?
Fletch: No, elephant books.
Dr. Joseph Dolan: You know, it's an odd name, Babar...I don't recall seeing it on the club register.
Fletch: Well, I don't formally belong. I'm a guest of my aunt.
Dr. Joseph Dolan: Your Aunt?
Fletch: Yes. Mrs. Smith.
Dr. Joseph Dolan: June or Margaret?
Fletch: Uh-huh, right.
Dr. Joseph Dolan: You know, it's a shame about Ed.
Fletch: Oh, it was. Yeah, it was really a shame. To go so suddenly like that.
Dr. Joseph Dolan: Ahh, he was dying for years.
Fletch: Sure, but... the end was really... very sudden.
Dr. Joseph Dolan: He was in intensive care for eight weeks!
Fletch: Yeah, but I mean the very end, when he actually died. That was extremely sudden.
Dr. Joseph Dolan: Drop your shorts and bend over.
Fletch: No...we don't have to, I mean, maybe I just haven't been doing enough calisthenics...you know, my kidneys feel a lot better now, maybe if I just bent over like this every morning......
[Dolan inserts his finger into Fletch's anus with an audible "pop" sound]
Fletch: [singing] Moon River......[talking] Whew...ever serve time, Doc?
Dr. Joseph Dolan: Breathe easy.
Fletch: Yeah...breathe easy... Ahh!! Using the whole fist, Doc?!
[After the proctological exam]
Dr. Joseph Dolan: Well, I can't seem to find anything wrong with you, Mr. Babar.
Fletch: Well, I'm sure it's not for a lack of looking.

Fat Sam: I've got some reds.
Fletch: You don't mean communists, do you Sammy?

Gummy: [after Fletch gets kicked in the crotch] Fletch! Are you all right?
Fletch: Oh, yeah. I feel like a hundred dollars.

...and who would have known that the Vice President knew I was opening the door, but the Secret Service, they just whack [mimes door hitting him in the face] blood...

[singing] Strangers in the night, exchanging clothing, strangers in my pants...

Love your body, Larry.

Alan Stanwyk: If you reject the proposition, you keep the thousand - and your mouth shut.
Fletch: Does this proposition entail my dressing up as Little Bo Peep?
Alan Stanwyk: It's nothing of a sexual nature, I assure you.
Fletch: Yeah, I assure you.
Alan Stanwyk: One thousand just to listen. I don't see how you can pass that up, Mister...?
Fletch: Nugent. Ted Nugent.
Alan Stanwyk: Alan Stanwyk.
Fletch: Ellen? Charmed. You know, for an extra grand, I'll let you take me out to dinner...

Fletch: You know, I came this close to buying this place, but then I found out that Hop-along Cassidy killed himself here.
Alan Stanwyk: Who?
Fletch: Hop-along Cassidy. Bow and arrow. Very Weird.
Alan Stanwyk: What, are you doped up now?
Fletch: Don't talk to me like that, ass-face, I don't work for you, yet.

Gail Stanwyk: [Looking at photos of her husband and another woman] Look at her! Would you look at her?! She looks like a hooker! Could you love someone who looked like that!?
Fletch: What are you talking about? Of course not! ...five, ten minutes tops, maybe.

I didn't want to do this, but I'm afraid I'm gonna have to pull rank on you. I'm with the Mattress Police. There are no tags on these mattresses.

Oh, you've remodeled the garage. Must have cost you hundreds.

[to a Doberman Pinscher] Look, defenseless babies!

It was something your wife said while we were in bed together. She said we had the same build. From the waist up I imagine.