Dr. Strangelove: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

Dr. Strangelove: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb quotes

59 total quotes (ID: 700)

Colonel 'Bat' Guano
Dr. Strangelove
General "Buck" Turgidson
General Jack D. Ripper
Lionel Mandrake
Major T. J. "King" Kong
Multiple Characters
Narrator
President Merkin Muffley


Russian Ambassador: When it is detonated, it will produce enough lethal radioactive fallout so that within ten months, the surface of the Earth will be as dead as the moon!...When they are exploded, they will produce a Doomsday shroud. A lethal cloud of radioactivity which will encircle the earth for ninety-three years!...It is not anything a sane man would do. The Doomsday Machine is designed to trigger itself automatically...It is designed to explode if any attempt is ever made to untrigger it...
Turgidson: That's a load of Commie bull and an obvious Commie trick.
Muffley: It's absolute madness.
Russian Ambassador: There were those of us who fought against us. But in the end, we could not keep up with the expense involved in the arms race, the space race, and the peace race. And at the same time, our people grumbled for more nylons and washing machines. Our Doomsday scheme cost us just a small fraction of what we'd been spending on defense in a single year. But the deciding factor was when we learned that your country was working along similar lines, and we were afraid of a Doomsday gap.
Muffley: This is preposterous! I've never approved of anything like that!
Russian Ambassador: Our source was the New York Times.


Turgidson: General Ripper called Strategic Air Command Headquarters shortly after he issued the go code. I have a phone transcript of that conversation if you'd like me to to read it.
Muffley: Read it!
Turgidson: Ahem... The Duty Officer asked General Ripper to confirm the fact that he *had* issued the go code, and he said, uh, "Yes gentlemen, they are on their way in, and nobody can bring them back. For the sake of our country, and our way of life, I suggest you get the rest of SAC in after them. Otherwise, we will be totally destroyed by Red retaliation." Uh... "My boys will give you the best kind of start, 1400 megatons worth, and you sure as hell won't stop them now." Uhuh. Uh... "So let's get going, there's no other choice. God willing, we will prevail, in peace and freedom from fear, and in true health, through the purity and essence of our natural... fluids. God bless you all." And he hung up.
[Pause as he realizes the implications of General Ripper's words]
Turgidson: Uh, we're... still trying to figure out the meaning of that last phrase, sir.
Muffley: There's nothing to figure out, General Turgidson. This man is obviously a psychotic.
Turgidson: We-he-ell, uh, I'd like to hold off judgement on a thing like that, sir, until all the facts are in.
Muffley: General Turgidson! When you instituted the human reliability tests, you *assured* me there was *no* possibility of such a thing *ever* occurring!
Turgidson: Well, I, uh, don't think it's quite fair to condemn a whole program because of a single slip-up, sir.

Turgidson: Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed, but I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops, uh, depending on the breaks.
Muffley: I refuse to go down in history as the greatest mass murderer since Adolf Hitler.
Turgidson: Perhaps it might be better, Mr. President, if you were more concerned with the American people, than with your image in the history books.

Turgidson: You better give Elmo and Charlie a blast, and bump everything up to Condition Red and stand by the blower. [to Miss Scott] I just thought I might mosey over to the War Room for a few minutes. The Air Force never sleeps.
Miss Scott: Buck, honey...I'm not sleepy either.
Turgidson: I know how it is, baby. Tell you what you do. You just start your countdown, and old Bucky'll be back here before you can say...Blast Off!

[as he rides on top of the bomb as it falls on the target]Aaaaaa hoooo! Waaaaa hooooo!

[on the necessity of a computer-controlled automatic trigger on the doomsday device] It is not only possible - it is essential. That is the whole idea of this machine, you know. Deterrence is the art of producing in the mind of the enemy the fear to attack. And so, because of the automated and irrevocable decision-making process which rules out human meddling, the Doomsday Machine is terrifying. It's simple to understand. And completely credible and convincing.

[on the phone, after having been told that the Russian Premiere is drunk] Hello? Uh, hello? Hello, Dmitri? Listen, I can't hear too well, do you suppose you could turn the music down just a little? [pause] Oh, that's much better. Yes. Fine, I can hear you now, Dmitri. Clear and plain and coming through fine. I'm coming through fine too, eh? Good, then. Well then, as you say we're both coming through fine. Good. Well, it's good that you're fine, and - and I'm fine. I agree with you. It's great to be fine. [Laughs] Now then, Dmitri, you know how we've always talked about the possibility of something going wrong with the bomb. [pause] The BOMB, Dmitri! The hydrogen bomb! Well now, what happened is, uh, one of our base commanders, he had a sort of, well, he went a little funny in the head. You know. Just a little...funny. And uh, he went and did a silly thing. Well, I'll tell you what he did, he ordered his planes...to attack your country. Well, let me finish, Dmitri. Let me finish, Dmitri. Well, listen, how do you think I feel about it? Can you imagine how I feel about it, Dmitri? Why do you think I'm calling you? Just to say hello? [sounding hurt] Of course I like to speak to you! Of course I like to say hello! Not now, but any time, Dmitri. I'm just calling up to tell you something terrible has happened. It's a friendly call. Of course it's a friendly call. Listen, if it wasn't friendly,...you probably wouldn't have even got it. They will not reach their targets for at least another hour. [pause] I'm sorry too, Dmitri. I'm very sorry. All right! You're sorrier than I am! But I am sorry as well. I am as sorry as you are Dmitri. Don't say that you are more sorry than I am, because I am capable of being just as sorry as you are. So we're both sorry, all right? All right.

[on the phone, in the War Room] Well, look baby, I can't, can't talk to you now, but... My president needs me. Of course Bucky would rather be there with you. Of course it isn't only physical. I deeply respect you as a human being. Someday I'm gonna make you Mrs. Buck Turgidson. Listen, you go back to sleep. Bucky'll be back there just as soon as he can. All right? Listen, sug', don't forget to say your prayers.

[on the phone] Dmitri, look, if this report is true and the plane manages to bomb the target, is it...is this going to...is this going to set off the Doomsday Machine? Are you sure? Well, I...I guess you're just gonna have to get that plane, Dmitri. Dmitri, I'm sorry they're jamming your radar and flying so low, but they're trained to do it. You know, it's, it's initiative! Look, Dmitri, you know exactly where they're going and I'm sure your entire air defense can stop a single plane. Listen, I mean, it's not gonna help either one of us if a, if the, if the Doomsday Machine goes off, now is it? Dmi...Dmitri, there's no point in you getting hysterical at a moment like this! Dmitri! Keep your feet on the ground when you're talking, Dmitri...Can I give you just one word of advice, Dmitri? Listen, Dmitri, put everything you've got into those two sectors and you can't miss.

[reading a transcript of a phone call by General Ripper] 'They are on their way in and no one can bring them back. For the sake of our country and our way of life, I suggest you get the rest of SAC in after them. Otherwise, we will be totally destroyed by Red retaliation. My boys will give you the best kind of start, fourteen hundred megatons worth, and you sure as hell won't stop them now. So let's get going. There's no other choice. God willing, we will prevail in peace and freedom from fear and in true health through the purity and essence of our natural fluids. God bless you all.' Then he hung up.

[The film's final line] Sir! I have a plan. Heh. [He realizes he is standing up] Mein F├╝hrer! I can walk!

[to Mandrake] In the name of Her Majesty and the Continental Congress, come here and feed me this belt, boy...The Red Coats are coming!

[to Ripper] Do I look all rancid and clotted? You look at me, Jack. Eh? Look, eh? And I drink a lot of water, you know. I'm what you might call a water man, Jack - that's what I am. And I can swear to you, my boy, swear to you, that there's nothing wrong with my bodily fluids. Not a thing, Jackie.

A moment please, Mr. President.

Ain't nobody ever got the Go code yet. And old Ripper wouldn't be giving us plan R unless them Russkies had already clobbered Washington and a lot of other towns with a sneak attack.