Conspiracy Theory quotes

View Quote It's on the tip of my brain.

View Quote That guy is a restraining order waiting to happen. It's like he has a problem with the world.

View Quote Do you know what it's like, Mister Willion, to think you know what happened, but to never be sure?

View Quote Is that supposed to protect you from aliens or something?

View Quote I'm turning into a Jerry.

View Quote I believe you. He made great coffee.

View Quote We've been looking for you for a long time, Jerry.

View Quote Have you ever been in a place from which hope is gone? Where the only thing left... is patience?

View Quote I know I must share some of the blame for this. I wish it didn't have to be this way.

View Quote In one hour, I want to know what she eats, where she sleeps, the name of her kindergarten teacher, everything.

View Quote This will put my words in your mouth. [while drugging Jerry]

View Quote Jerry, you continually surprise me. Aliceā€¦ I always seem to come between you and the men in your life.

View Quote If the intelligence world was a family, we'd be the uncle no one ever talks about. Agent Lowry

View Quote [Jerry's latest passenger sighs contendedly as they pull away from the curb.]
Jerry Fletcher: The sound of love.
Passenger: Excuse me?
Jerry: That, what you just did. [imitates sigh] That's love.
Passenger: Love's just a pretty way of saying, "I want to sleep with you."
Jerry: Admit it. I saw you kiss her. This is the street where love lives.
Passenger: Love is bullshit.
Jerry: Love give you wings. It makes you fly. I don't even call it love. I call it "Geronimo".
Passenger: Geronimo?
Jerry: Yeah, Geronimo. See, when you're in love, you'll jump off the Empire State and you won't care. Screaming, "Geronimo" all the way down. It's great.
Passenger: Yeah, but then you'll die. You'll squash yourself. So what's the point?
Jerry: Hey, aren't you listening? I'm telling you, man -- love gives you wings!
Passenger: [laughs] She must be some girl.

View Quote [The street is flooded when Jerry stops to pick up his daily stack of newspapers.]
Flip [news vendor]: Water main broke all the way up on 40th Street and 7th Avenue. They say the subway's a damn river.
Jerry: Strange.
Flip: What's up, Jerry? What you thinking?
Jerry: Well... water mains don't usually break unless it's wintertime. The, uh, pipes burst open because it's cold. And.. it's only the First of October.
Flip: Reminds me of life in the Delta.
Jerry: Yeah. Mississippi, all right.
Flip: Mekong, my friend. Mekong.
Jerry: Hey, Flip... did I ever tell you that the whole Vietnam War was fought over a bet that Howard Hughes lost to Aristotle Onassis?