The Breakfast Club

The Breakfast Club quotes

43 total quotes (ID: 96)

Brian Johnson
John Bender
Multiple Characters


Richard Vernon: Grab some wood, bub!


Richard Vernon: [reading from the confidential files] Mr....oh Mr. Tierney. A history of slight mental illness. No wonder he's so ****ed up.

Claire Standish: [to her father] I can't believe you can't get me out of this. I mean it's so absurd I have to be here on a Saturday! It's not like I'm a defective or anything.

Vernon: Well, well. Here we are. I want to congratulate you for being on time.
Claire: Excuse me, sir? I think there's been a mistake. I know it's detention, but...um...I don't think I belong in here.
Vernon: It is now seven-oh-six. You have exactly eight hours and fifty-four minutes to think about why you're here. To ponder the error of your ways. [John spits a loogie in the air and apparently catches it in his mouth.] You may not talk. [Brian starts to move to a different seat.] You will not move from these seats. [And he sits back down.] And you... [pulls the chair out from under John's feet] ...will not sleep. All right people, we're gonna try something a little different today. We are going to write an essay...of no less than a thousand words describing to me who you think you are.
Bender: Is this a test?
Vernon: And when I say essay...I mean essay. I do not mean a single word repeated a thousand times. Is that clear Mr. Bender?
Bender: Crystal.
Vernon: Good. Maybe you'll learn a little something about yourself. Maybe you'll even decide whether or not you care to return.
Brian: You know, I can answer that right now sir. That'd be "No", no for me. 'Cause--
Vernon: Sit down, Johnson.
Brian: Thank you, sir.
Vernon: My office is right across that hall. Any monkey business is ill-advised. Any questions?
Bender: Yeah. I got a question. Does Barry Manilow know you raid his wardrobe?
Vernon: I'll give you the answer to that question, Mr. Bender, next Saturday. Don't mess with the bull young man, you'll get the horns.

Bender: Oh, shit! What're we s'posed to do if we hafta take a piss?
Claire: Please.
Bender: If you gotta go, [unzips fly] you gotta go!
Claire: Oh my God!
Andrew: Hey, you're not urinating in here man!
Bender: Don't talk, don't talk. It makes it crawl back up.
Andrew: You whip it out and you're dead before the first drop hits the floor!
Bender: You're pretty sexy when you get angry...grrr!

Bender: (to Brian) Hey, homeboy, why don't you close that door; we'll get the Prom Queen impregnated.
Andrew: Hey. Hey!
Bender: What?
Andrew: If I lose my temper, you're totaled man!
Bender: Totally?
Andrew: Totally!

Andrew: Look, just because you live in here doesn't give you the right to be a pain in the ass, so knock it off!
Bender: It's a free country.
Claire: He's just doing it to get a rise out of you. Just ignore him.
Bender: [to Claire] Sweets...you couldn't ignore me if you tried!
Bender: So...so! Are you guys like boyfriend/girlfriend? Steady dates? Lo-vers?. Come on Sporto, level with me. Do you slip her the hot-beef-injection?
Claire: Go to hell!
Andrew: Enough!

Andrew: You know, Bender, you don't even count. I mean if you disappeared forever it wouldn't make any difference. You may as well not even exist at this school.
[John looks distraught for a second, but shakes it off.]
Bender: Well, I'll just run right out and join the wrestling team.
[Andrew and Claire laugh]
Bender: Maybe the prep club too! Student council...
Andrew: Nah, they wouldn't take you.
Bender: I'm hurt.
Claire: You know why guys like you knock everything...
Bender: Oh, this should be stunning.
Claire: It's 'cause you're afraid.
Bender: Oh, God! You richies are so smart, that's exactly why I'm not heavy in activities!
Claire: You're a big coward.
Brian: I'm in the math club.
Claire: See you're afraid that they won't take you. You don't belong, so you just have to dump all over it.
Bender: Well, it wouldn't have anything to do with you activities people being assholes...now would it?
Claire: Well you wouldn't know; you don't even know any of us.
Bender: Well, I don't know any lepers either, but I'm not gonna run out and join one of their ****ing clubs.

Bender: Hey, Cherry. Do you belong to the physics club?
Claire: That's an academic club.
Bender: So?
Claire: So, academic clubs aren't the same as other kinds of clubs.
Bender: Ah, but to dorks like him, they are. What do you guys do in your club?
Brian: Well, in physics we-we talk about physics, properties of physics.
Bender: So it's sorta social, demented and sad, but social. Right?

Andrew: Look, you guys keep up your talking and Vernon's gonna come right in here. I got a meet this Saturday and I'm not gonna miss it on account of you boneheads.
Bender: Oh and wouldn't that be a bite, huh? Missing a whole wrestling meet!
Andrew: Well you wouldn't know anything about it, ****! You never competed in your whole life!
Bender: Oh, I know. I feel all empty inside because of it. I have such a deep admiration for guys that roll around on the floor with other guys.
Andrew: Ahhh, you'd never make it. You don't have any goals.
Bender: Oh, but I do!
Andrew: Yeah?
Bender: I wanna be just--like--you. I figure all I need's a lobotomy and some tights!
Brian: You wear tights?
Andrew: No I don't wear tights, I wear the required uniform.
Brian: Tights.
Andrew: Shut up!

Bender: Big deal. Nothing to do when you're locked in a vacancy.
Andrew: Speak for yourself.
Bender: Do you think I'd speak for you? I don't even know your language.

Bender: Sporto...
Andrew: What?
Bender: You get along with your parents?
Andrew: Well if I say yes, I'm an idiot, right?
Bender: You're an idiot anyway. But if you say you get along with your parents well you're a liar too.
[John walks off, but Andrew follows him and pushes him.]
Andrew: You know something, man? If we weren't in school right now, I'd waste you.
[Bender points his middle finger at the floor]
Bender: Can you hear this? Want me to turn it up?
[Bender flips his hand around so he is now giving Andrew the bird.]
Brian: Hey fellas... [Brian puts his hands on their shoulders, but they both simultaneously knock them off.] I mean...I don't like my parents either, I don't--I don't get along with them. Their idea of parental compassion is just, you know, wacko.
Bender: Dork?
Brian: Yeah?
Bender: You are a parent's wet dream, okay?
[John pats Brian on his shoulder forcing him to sit down.]
Brian: Well, that's a problem.
Bender: Look, I can see you getting all bunged up for them making you wear these kinda clothes. But face it, you're a Neo-Maxi-Zoom-Dweebie! What would you be doing if you weren't out making yourself a better citizen?
Andrew: Why do you have to insult everybody?
Bender: I'm being honest, asshole! I would expect you to know the difference!

Claire: What's your name?
Bender: What's yours?
Claire: Claire.
Bender: Ka-Laire?
Claire: Claire. It's a family name.
Bender: Oh, it's a fat girl's name.
Claire: Well, thank you.
Bender: You're welcome.
Claire: I'm not fat!
Bender: Well, not at present but I could see you really pushing maximum density. You see, I'm not sure if you know this, but there are two kinds of fat people. There's fat people that were born to be fat, and then there's fat people that were once thin but they became fat, so when you look at them you can sorta see that thin person inside! You see, you're gonna get married, you're gonna squeeze out a few puppies and then, uh...
[He mimes becoming fat, making noises. Claire gives him the finger.]
Bender: Oh...obscene finger gestures from such a pristine girl!
Claire: I'm not that pristine!
Bender: Are you a virgin? I'll bet you a million dollars that you are! Let's end the suspense! Is it gonna be...a white wedding?
Claire: Why don't you just shut up?
Bender: Have you ever kissed a boy on the mouth? Have you ever been felt up? Over the bra, under the blouse, shoes off...hoping to God your parents don't walk in?
Claire: Do you want me to puke?
Bender: Over the panties, no bra, blouse unbuttoned, Calvin's in a ball on the front seat past eleven on a school night?

Andrew: Leave her alone. I said leave her alone!
Bender: You gonna make me?
Andrew: Yeah.
Bender: You and how many of your friends?
Andrew: Just me, just you and me. Two hits. Me hitting you, you hitting the floor! Anytime you're ready, pal!
[John lightly pushes Andrew, but Andrew catches his hand and forces John to the ground.]
Bender: I don't wanna get into to this with you, man.
Andrew: (letting John go and rising up) Why not?
Bender: (getting up as well) 'Cause I'd kill you. It's real simple. I'd kill you and your ****ing parents would sue me and it would be a big mess and I don't care enough about you to bother.
Andrew: Chicken shit...
[Bender takes out a switchblade and stabs it into a chair.]
Andrew: Let's end this right now. You don't talk to her, you don't look at her [Meanwhile, Allison steals the switchblade.] and you don't even think about her! You understand me?
Bender: I'm trying to help her.

Bender: How does one become a janitor?
Carl: You wanna be a janitor?
Bender: No, I just wanna know how one becomes a janitor because Andrew here, is very interested in pursuing a career in the custodial arts.
Carl: Oh, really? You guys think I'm just some untouchable peasant? Peon? Huh? Maybe so, but following a broom around after shitheads like you for the past eight years I've learned a couple of things; look through your letters, I look through your lockers...I listen to your conversations, you don't know that but I do. I am the eyes and ears of this institution my friends. By the way, that clock's twenty minutes fast.