Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure quotes

View Quote Bill: Be excellent to each other.
Ted: Party on, dudes!

View Quote [an early morning jam]
Bill: I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire!
Ted: And I'm Ted "Theodore" Logan!
Bill, Ted: And we are... WYLD STALLYNS!

View Quote Ted: [to himself] 1275...1275... [to Bill] Okay. The lady in that car over there said that Marco Polo was in the year 1275.
Bill: It's not just a water sport. I knew it!
Ted: [to lady] Excuse me! When did the Mongols rule China?
Lady: I don't know. I just work here.

View Quote Sigmund Freud: I demand einen lawyer.

View Quote [future Ted to himself] Ted! Don't forget to wind your watch!

View Quote [putting on his sunglasses] Gentlemen... we're history.

View Quote Billy the Kid: [to Abraham Lincoln at the White House] Candygram!
Abraham Lincoln: Yes, what can I... [Genghis Khan yanks him in the booth.]

View Quote [Last line] They do get better.

View Quote [Napoleon is about to enter a waterslide]
Napoleon: Qu'est-que c'est ça?
Waterslide Attendant: Buddy, you're holding up the line!
Napoleon: Sacre bleu.
Waterslide Attendant: Come on, buddy!

View Quote Hi. Welcome to the future: San Dimas, California --- 2688. And I'm telling you, it's great here. The air is clean, the water is clean, even the dirt is clean! Bowling averages are way up, minigolf scores are way down. And we have more excellent waterslides than any other planet we communicate with. I'm telling you, this place is great! But it almost wasn't. You see, 700 years ago, the Two Great Ones ran into a few problems. So now I have to travel back in time to help them out. If I should fail to keep these two along the correct path, the basis of our society will be endangered. Ah, but don't worry, it'll all make sense. I'm a professional.

View Quote Strange things are afoot at the Circle-K.

View Quote [in classroom]
Mr. Ryan: Who was Joan of Arc?
Bill: Noah's wife?
Mr Ryan: Ted, stand up.
Ted: Stand up?
Mr Ryan: Yes, son, stand up.

View Quote You killed Ted, you medieval dickweed!

View Quote [Bill and Ted meet their future selves]
Ted: OK wait. If you guys are really us, what number are we thinking of?
Bill, Ted from future: 69, dudes!
Bill, Ted: Whoa.

View Quote [Napoleon is using Risk figures to show his plans to invade Russia]:
Ted: ...I don't think it's going to work.
Napoleon: No?
[Napoleon slams his ruler on the map furiously]:
Napoleon: Triomphe Napoleon!