Bill  & Ted's Excellent Adventure

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure quotes

37 total quotes (ID: 682)

Bill
Other
Rufus
Ted


Sigmund Freud: I demand einen lawyer.


[Bill and Ted meet their future selves]
Ted: OK wait. If you guys are really us, what number are we thinking of?
Bill, Ted from future: 69, dudes!
Bill, Ted: Whoa.

[Napoleon has finished his ice cream]
Waiter #1: All behold! He ate the Pig, thus proving that he's...
Waiter #2: A...
Waiters: Zyggie Piggy! Zyggie Piggy! Zyggie Piggy!

Ted: Your stepmom's cute.
Bill: Shut up Ted.
Ted: Remember when she was a senior and we were freshmen?
Bill: Shut UP, Ted!
Ted: Remember when I asked your mom to the prom?
Bill: Shut UP, Ted!

Hi. Welcome to the future: San Dimas, California --- 2688. And I'm telling you, it's great here. The air is clean, the water is clean, even the dirt is clean! Bowling averages are way up, minigolf scores are way down. And we have more excellent waterslides than any other planet we communicate with. I'm telling you, this place is great! But it almost wasn't. You see, 700 years ago, the Two Great Ones ran into a few problems. So now I have to travel back in time to help them out. If I should fail to keep these two along the correct path, the basis of our society will be endangered. Ah, but don't worry, it'll all make sense. I'm a professional.

[Napoleon is about to enter a waterslide]
Napoleon: Qu'est-que c'est ├ža?
Waterslide Attendant: Buddy, you're holding up the line!
Napoleon: Sacre bleu.
Waterslide Attendant: Come on, buddy!


[in classroom]
Mr. Ryan: Who was Joan of Arc?
Bill: Noah's wife?
Mr Ryan: Ted, stand up.
Ted: Stand up?
Mr Ryan: Yes, son, stand up.

You killed Ted, you medieval dickweed!

[putting on his sunglasses] Gentlemen... we're history.

Billy! You are handling the oddities of time travel with the greatest of ease!

Strange things are afoot at the Circle-K.

[future Ted to himself] Ted! Don't forget to wind your watch!

[responding to Freud's invitation to examine him] Oh, no thanks, I just have a slight Oedipal complex.

[an early morning jam]
Bill: I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire!
Ted: And I'm Ted "Theodore" Logan!
Bill, Ted: And we are... WYLD STALLYNS!

[Last line] They do get better.