Rufus: Greetings, my excellent friends.
Ted: Do you know when the Mongols ruled China?
Rufus: Well, perhaps we could ask them.

Henry VII: Put them in the iron maiden.
Ted: Iron Maiden?
Bill, Ted: Excellent!
[air guitar]
Henry VII: Execute them.
Bill, Ted: Bogus!

Jock giving speech: San Dimas High School football rules!!

Napoleon: Excusez-moi, Monsieur!
Bowling Alley Manager: Hold on there! Not so fast, buddy!
Napoleon: "Buddy?"
Bowling Alley Manager: You ain't paid yet.
Napoleon: Pay?
Bowling Alley Manager: Pay.

Napoleon: [Napoleon fails to bowl a strike.] Merde! Merde! Merde! Merde! Merde! Merde! Merde! Merde! Merde! (Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!)

Abraham Lincoln: Be excellent to each other. ...And... party on, dudes!

Bill: Be excellent to each other.
Ted: Party on, dudes!

Bill: [Reading from phone book] The only true wisdom consists in knowing, that you know nothing.
Ted: That's us, dude.
Bill: Oh, yeah!

Mr. Ryan: It seems to me the only thing you've learned is that Caesar is a "salad dressing dude."

Socrates [speaking Greek] Like sands of the hourglass, so are the days of our lives.

Capt. Logan: Hello.
Bill: [in a Jeff Spicoli like accent] Capt. Logan, this is Deputy Van Halen, down at the station?
Capt. Logan: Deputy Van Halen?
Bill: Uh, I'm new dude-sir! Look, we found your keys. If ya want 'em,better come and get 'em!

Bill: It is indeed a pleasure to introduce to you a gentleman we picked up in medieval Mongolia in the year 1269.
Ted: Please welcome, the very excellent barbarian...
Ted, Bill: ...MR. GENGHIS KHAN!
[All the students applaud wildly for Khan]
Ted: This is a dude who, 700 years ago, totally ravaged China, and who, we were told, 2 hours ago, totally ravaged Oshman's Sporting Goods.

Future Ted: Rufus!
Future Bill: Listen to this dude Rufus. He knows what he's talking about.
Future Ted: Right. Oh, and Ted? Give my love to the princesses?
Ted: Who?
Future Ted: You'll see.

Billy the Kid: [to Abraham Lincoln at the White House] Candygram!
Abraham Lincoln: Yes, what can I... [Genghis Khan yanks him in the booth.]

Strange things are afoot at the Circle-K.