Beavis and Butthead Do America quotes

View Quote Beavis: Yeah, this is her.
Little Old Lady: Oh, she looks lovely.
Beavis: I'm probably going to make out with her first before we, uh... you know, heh heh, get down.
Little Old Lady: I'm sorry. You have to speak up, son. I have this ringing in my ears. My doctor says it could be related to my heart palpitations.
Beavis: Really? I poop too much.
Little Old Lady: Oh. Maybe you're lactose intolerant.
Beavis: I mean... No, no. I poop too much! And then I get tired.
Little Old Lady: Tired? Oh, well, I know all about tired, dear. I have just the thing for ya. Here, take a couple of these. They perk me right up.
Beavis: Thanks. Tastes like crap. What else ya got?
Little Old Lady: Oh, go right ahead. Help yourself.
Butt-head: So, uh, huh huh... goin' to Las Vegas?
Girl: Hi. We're serving dinner now. Our selections tonight are chicken piccata or seafood gumbo.
Beavis: Piccata. Titicaca....
Man: Excuse me? Does the gumbo have corn in it?
Beavis: I am Cornholio. I need piccata for my bung-hole.
Girl: You'll have to wait your turn, sir.
Beavis: Are you threatening me? My bung-hole will not wait. Bungholio.
Butt-head: Uh, hey, I got a beer. Want some?
Pilot: Get the hell out of the ****pit!
Butt-head: Huh huh, you said...
Pilot: Now!

View Quote Beavis: Are you threatening ME?

View Quote Butt-head: [eight M-16 assault rifles are pointed at him] This is the coolest thing I have ever seen.

View Quote [finds a switch in Hoover Dam labeled "Master Station Control" and tries to read it]
Butt-head: Uh, Master-a... Masturbation Control? [flicks the switch several times, making the lights in Las Vegas turn on and off]
Butt-head: Hey, Beavis, check it out! I'm masturbating.

View Quote Little Old Lady: [to her husband] I want you to meet two nice boys. [She introduces Beavis first] This is Travis and Bob. [to Butt-head] And, what's your last name, dear?
Butt-head: Uh, Head. My first name is Butt.
Agent Flemming: Agent Flemming, ATF. So, are you gonna tell us where it is or will I have to have Agent Hurly over there give you another cavity search?
Dallas Grimmes: Is that a promise?
Agent Flemming: Look, Mrs. S****, we know who you are. Tell her, Bork.
Agent Bork: Dallas Grimmes, married to Muddy Grimmes. you run a mom-and-pop arms smuggling ring.
Dallas Grimmes: Mmph. You got my bad side.
Agent Flemming: 3 days ago, you pulled a job at the Army Research Facility in Hadley, Nevada, where you stole the X-5 unit. We happen to know you had the unit with you when you checked in here, so why don't you be a good girl and tell us where it is?
Dallas Grimmes: You gonna charge me with anything? I didn't think so. You wanna let me go now, or wait till my lawyer files a wrongful arrest?
Agent Bork: We got nothing, Chief. We tore the place apart. We can only legally hold her another couple of hours.
Agent Flemming: Damn it! Cut her loose. WHERE IS THAT DAMN UNIT?

View Quote Beavis: Check it out, Butt-Head, Porta-potties.
Butt-head: Cool. I gotta take a dump. [they go inside confession booths]
Butt-head: Uh... Where's the toilet? [in a church confession booth]
Man: I'm sorry. How many Hail Marys?
Beavis: A thousand. And I want you to hit yourself, right now.
Man: Um, now?
Beavis: Yeah. Do it. [the man hits himself]
Beavis: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Harder.

View Quote Butt-head: [Butthead dreams that he's a giant and grabs a woman from a building] Uh, hey baby, I'm like pretty tall, uh huh huh huh [a helicopter shoots at him] Damnit cut it out, I'm trying to score! [Punches it]

View Quote Butt-head: It's like it's coming out of its ass, but then it's, like, also coming out of the ass of the ass.
Beavis: It's like the poop's coming out of the ass of the ass. Yeah.

View Quote Butt-head: This is gonna be cool. We're gonna get paid to score.
Beavis: Yeah. Then we're gonna get a big-screen TV, with two remotes.
Butt-head: Beavis, this is the greatest day of our lives.

View Quote [Arriving at the Hoover Dam]
Beavis: We're in Washington.
Butt-head': Yeah, yeah, we're gonna score.
Little Old Lady: Actually, son, we're at the Hoover Dam.
Beavis: No, no. We're in WASHINGTON!
Butt-head: Yeah. WE'RE GONNA SCORE NOW!

View Quote Beavis: [starting to hallucinate] Hey Butt-head I'm starting to feel weird, I think I'm freaking out!
Butt-head: Uh?, Okay.
Beavis: This is cool! It's like everything's all weird and stuff, there's like all these weird shapes, it's sort of like, it's like... um like a music video! [hallucinates that Butt-head is melting and demons are crawling out of his body] Woah, what are you doing Butt-head?, stop it you're freaking me out, cut it out!

View Quote Beavis: [after spitting soda on Mr. Anderson's TV] Aaaahh! This crap is warm!
Butt-head: Beavis, you butthole, you broke it.
Beavis: Aaah, no! Dammit!

View Quote [noticing the open door, the stolen T.V., and the broken window]
Butt-head: Whoa. I think just figured something out, Beavis.
Beavis: What?
Butt-head: This sucks.
Beavis: Yeah. It really sucks.
Butt-head: This sucks more than anything that's ever sucked before. We must find this butt-hole that took our TV.

View Quote Beavis: Hey, Butt-head, do you think we're ever going to score?
Butt-head: Uh, I probably will, but not you. You're too much of a butt-monkey.
Beavis: Shut up, dillhole.
Butt-head: Butt dumpling.
Beavis: Turd burglar.
Butt-head: Uhhh... ass goblin.
Beavis: Shut up, Butt-head. Hey, doesn't Tom Anderson live on this street?
Butt-head: Uh, yep.
Beavis: 'Cause, um, I just need to stop by his toolshed for a few minutes.
Butt-head: [giggles] Tool.
Beavis: Boi-oi-oi-oi-oi-oing!

View Quote [in the trunk of Muddy's car, Butt-head finds a tire jack and begins pumping the handle]
Butt-head: Hey, Beavis, check it out. I'm jacking off.