The Awful Truth quotes

View Quote Daniel: I think I'm in love.
Mrs. Leeson: You keep your mind off women...She won't want to meet me. She knows that any other woman could see right through her.

View Quote Daniel: Are you sure you don't like that fella?
Lucy: Like him? You saw the way I treated him, didn't you?
Daniel: That's what I mean. Back on my ranch, I got a little red rooster and a little brown hen and they fight all the time too, but every once in a while they make up again and they're right friendly.

View Quote Jerry: I told you we'd have trouble with this...In a half an hour, we'll no longer be 'Mr. and Mrs.' Funny, isn't it?
Lucy: Yes, it's funny that everything's the way it is on account of the way you feel.
Jerry: Huh?
Lucy: Well, I mean if you didn't feel the way you do, things wouldn't be the way they are, would they? Well, I mean things could be the same if things were different.
Jerry: But things are the way you made them.
Lucy: Oh no. No, things are the way you think I made them. I didn't make them that way at all. Things are just the same as they always were, only you're the same as you were, too, so I guess things will never be the same again. Good night.

View Quote Lucy: It's enough to destroy one's faith, isn't it?
Jerry: Oh, I haven't any faith left in anyone.
Lucy: I know just how you feel.
Jerry: What do you mean?
Lucy: You didn't happen to mention in any of your letters what a terrible rainy spell they were having in Florida. The papers were full of it.
Jerry: Well, I can explain that, Lucy.
Lucy: You can?
Jerry: And don't try to change the subject. You think a great offense is a great defense. Don't try to justify your behavior by insinuating things about me.
Lucy: But I haven't any behavior to justify. I've just been unlucky, that's all. You've come home and caught me in a truth and it seems there's nothing less logical than the truth.
Jerry: Hmm, a philosopher, huh?
Lucy: You don't believe me.
Jerry: Oh, how can I believe you? The car broke down. People stopped believing that one before cars stopped breaking down.
Lucy: Well, his car's very old.
Jerry: Well, so's his story.

View Quote Jerry: I'm in love with love. In the spring, a young man's fancy likely turns to, uh, what he's been thinking about all winter. How long have you been talking like Amos and Andy, huh?
Dixie Belle: Oh, for quite some time. I got wise to the fact that it helps me in my work. So as long as I loved my work, you'll all have to pardon my Southern accent.

View Quote Just to prove that you're not mad, will ya give me a little kiss?...If you knew how crazy I am about ya, you wouldn't hesitate. I can't sleep nights...I must be in love, 'cause I started writin' poetry to ya.
To you my little prairie flower,
I'm thinkin' of you every hour.
Though now you're just a friend to me,
I wonder what the end will be.
Oh, you would make my life divine,
If you would change your name to mine.

View Quote [Lucy poses as Jerry's sister, Lola]
Lola: [while pulling on her handkerchief] Will you excuse me, Mrs. Vance? Thank you. [Mrs. Vance rises, but Lola is the one sitting on the handkerchief] Oh look, it's me, isn't it?! [They both resume their seats and Lola again pulls on the handkerchief] It's you this time, Mrs. Vance. [Mrs. Vance rises again] Look, I'll just put it over here and get it out of the way.
[Mrs. Vance sits down again and shoots upward, after sitting on Lola's hand]
Lola: I guess that could go on and on and on and on.
Mrs. Vance: I hope not!
Lola: Well, I don't want to be rude but may I have a drink?...I had three or four before I got here, but they're beginning to wear off, and you know how that is.

View Quote Lucy: I've told you the truth about all this, Jerry. Don't you see that there can't be any doubt in marriage? The whole thing's built on faith. If you've lost that, well, you've lost everything.
Jerry: Then I guess we're washed up because we've lost faith in each other.
Lucy: Do you mean that?...All right then, that settles it. I wouldn't go on living with you if you were dipped in platinum. So go on, divorce me. Go on, divorce me! It'll be a pleasure. [he refuses] All right, then I'll divorce you. I believe it's customary anyhow for the wife to bring suit. It has something to do with a husband being a gentleman, if you know what I mean? I'll call up our lawyer right now.

View Quote Put a light in the window if it's yes, two if it's no, and if you can't make up your minds, just pull down the shade.

View Quote Lucy: You're all confused, aren't you?
Jerry: Uh-huh. Aren't you?
Lucy: No.
Jerry: Well, you should be, because you're wrong about things being different because they're not the same. Things are different, except in a different way. You're still the same, only I've been a fool. Well, I'm not now. So, as long as I'm different, don't you think that, well, maybe things could be the same again? Only a little different, huh?
Lucy: Do you mean that, Jerry? Are you sure?
Jerry: Mmm, hmm.
Lucy: No more doubts?...No more being...?
Jerry: Except, uh...
Lucy: Except what?
Jerry: Well, there's only one thing that bothers me.
Lucy: What?
Jerry: [The door opens] This darn lock.
Lucy: Oh, is that all?

View Quote And then somehow, all of a sudden, the three of us were having lunch together. The man, and Mr. Smith [their dog], and I. And then things began to happen rather swiftly. And finally I said, well I think we'd better get married. And we did. And that way, we were able to give Mr. Smith a better home and live happily ever after. Until now.

View Quote Jerry: What do you see in this fellow?
Lucy: Oh, none of your business.
Jerry: Not that I care, but uh, what kind of mind could he have that would impress you, huh?
Lucy: You might be surprised. You could take a few lessons and profit nicely.
Jerry: You'd be surprised what I'd give to get an earful of that.

View Quote Well, if we haven't had the most terrible time. Armand's car broke down last night a million miles from nowhere and we had to stay at the nastiest little inn you ever saw. No modern conveniences at all. It was dreadful. We were on our way home from the Junior Prom. A pupil of Armand's invited us. And, oh well, it's a long story.

View Quote Jerry's always had the most fantastic way of getting into scrapes. Oh, we've had some grand laughs together. [about Daniel] I can't marry him because I'm still in love with that crazy lunatic and there's nothing I can do about it...I tried to forget Jerry.

View Quote [about Jerry] I'm convinced he must care about me or he wouldn't do the funny things he does.