Annie Hall quotes

View Quote Allison: I'm in the midst of doing my thesis.
Alvy: On what?
Allison: Political commitment in twentieth century literature.
Alvy: You, you, you're like New York, Jewish, left-wing, liberal, intellectual, Central Park West, Brandeis University, the socialist summer camps and the, the father with the Ben Shahn drawings, right, and the really, y'know, strike-oriented kind of, red diaper, stop me before I make a complete imbecile of myself.
Allison: No, that was wonderful. I love being reduced to a cultural stereotype.
Alvy: Right, I'm a bigot, I know, but for the left.

View Quote Robin: There's Harry Drucker. He has a chair in history at Princeton. Oh, and the short man is Herschel Kominsky. He has a chair in philosophy at Cornell.
Alvy: Yeah. Two more chairs they got a dining room set...

View Quote Alvy: I'm so tired of spending evenings making fake insights with people who work for Dysentery.
Robin: Commentary.
Alvy: Oh, really? I heard that Commentary and Dissent had merged and formed Dysentery.

View Quote Alvy: The failure of the country to get behind New York City is Anti-Semitism.
Rob: Max, the city is terribly run.
Alvy: But I'm not discussing politics or economics. This is foreskin.
Rob: No, no, Max. That's a very convenient out. Every time some group disagrees with you, it's because of Anti-Semitism.
Alvy: Don't you see? The rest of the country looks upon New York like we're Left-Wing, Communist, Jewish, homosexual pornographers. I think of us that way sometimes and I live here.

View Quote Annie: Well, you are what Grammy Hall would call a 'real Jew.'
Alvy: Thank you.
Annie: Yeah, well, she hates Jews. She thinks they just make money, but let me tell ya, I mean, she's the one. Is she ever, I'm tellin' ya.

View Quote Alvy: What do you mean? You're not going to give up your own apartment, are you?
Annie: Of course.
Alvy: But but but why?
Annie: I'm moving in with you, that's why.
Alvy: Yeah, but you've got a nice apartment.
Annie: I have a tiny apartment.
Alvy: I know it's small.
Annie: That's right, and it's got bad plumbing and bugs.
Alvy: All right, granted, it has bad plumbing and bugs. But you, you say that like it's a negative thing. You know, bugs, uh - Entymology is a rapidly growing field.
Annie: You don't want me to live with you.
Alvy: I don't want you to live with me! Who's idea was it?
'Annie: Mine.
Alvy: Yeah, it was yours actually, but uh, I approved it immediately.
Annie: I guess you think that I talked you into something, huh?
Alvy: No. We live together. We sleep together. We eat together. Jesus. You don't want it to be like we're married, do ya?
Annie: You don't think I'm smart enough to be serious about.
Alvy: Hey, don't be ridiculous.
Annie: Then why are you always pushing me to take those college courses like I was dumb or something?
Alvy: 'Cause adult education's a wonderful thing. You meet a lot of interesting professors. You know, it's stimulating.

View Quote Alvy: Yeah, grass, right? The illusion that it will make a white woman more like Billie Holiday.
Annie: Well, have you ever made love high?
Alvy: Me? No. I - I, you know, If I have grass or alcohol or anything, I get unbearably wonderful. I get too, too wonderful for words. I don't know why you have to get high every time we make love.
Annie: It relaxes me.
Alvy: You have to be artificially relaxed before we can go to bed?
Annie: Well, what's the difference anyway?
Alvy: Well, I'll give you a shot of sodium pentothal. You can sleep through it.
Annie: Oh come on. Look who's talking. You've been seeing a psychiatrist for 15 years. You should smoke some of this. You'd be off the couch in no time.

View Quote Alvy: Hey, is something wrong?
Annie: No, why?
Alvy: I don't know. It's like you're removed.
Annie: No, I'm fine.
Alvy: Are you with me?
Annie: Uh, huh.
Alvy: I don't know. You seem sort of distant.
Annie: Let's just do it, all right?
Alvy: Is it my imagination, or are you just going through the motions?
Ghost Annie: Alvy, do you remember where I put my drawing pad? Because while you two are doing that, I think I'm going to do some drawing.
Alvy: You see, that's what I call removed.
Annie: No you have my body.
Alvy: Yeah, but I want the whole thing.
Annie: Well, I need grass.
Alvy: Well, it ruins it for me if you have grass. Because you know, I'm like a comedian. So if I get a laugh from a person who's high, it doesn't count, you know, 'cause they're always laughing.
Annie: Were you always funny?
Alvy: Hey, what is this - an interview? We're supposed to be making love.

View Quote Mrs. Hall: How do you plan to spend the holidays, Mrs. Singer?
Mrs. Singer: We fast.
Mr. Hall: Fast?
Mr. Singer: No food. You know, to atone for our sins.
Mrs. Hall: What sins? I don't understand.
Mr. Singer: To tell you the truth, neither do we.

View Quote Alvy: Well, I didn't start out spying. I thought I'd surprise you. Pick you up after school.
Annie: Yeah, but you wanted to keep the relationship flexible. Remember, it's your phrase.
Alvy: Oh stop it, you're having an affair with your college professor, that jerk that teaches that incredible crap course, Contemporary Crisis in Western Man...
Annie: Existential Motifs in Russian Literature. You're really close.
Alvy: What's the difference? It's all mental masturbation.
Annie: Oh, well, now we're finally getting to a subject you know something about.
Alvy: Hey, don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.
Annie: We're not having an affair. He's married. He just happens to think I'm neat.
Alvy: Neat! What are you, 12 years old? That's one of your Chippewa Falls expressions.
Annie: Who cares? Who cares?
Alvy: Next thing, you know, he'll find you keen and peachy, you know. Next thing, you know, he's got his hand on your ass.
Annie: You've always had hostility towards David, ever since I mentioned him.
Alvy: Dave? You call your teacher David?
Annie: It's his name.
Alvy: It's a Biblical name, right? What does he call you, Bathsheba?
Annie: Alvy, Alvy, you're the one who never wanted to make a real commitment. You don't think I'm smart enough. We had that argument just last month, or don't you remember that day?

View Quote Annie: So I told her about, about the family and about my feelings towards men and about my relationship with my brother. And then she mentioned penis envy. Do you know about that?
Alvy: Me? I'm, I'm one of the few males who suffers from that...
Annie: She said that I was very guilty about my impulses towards marriage and children. And then I remember when I was a kid how I accidently saw my parents making love.
Alvy: Really. All this happened in the first hour? That's amazing. I'm off fifteen years. You know, I have nothing like that.
Annie: I told her my dream and then I cried.
Alvy: Cried? I have never once cried. That's fantastic to me. I whine. I sit and I whine.
Annie: Wait a minute Alvy. In my dream, Frank Sinatra is holding his pillow across my face and I can't breathe...strangling me...
Alvy: No kidding. Oh sure! Because he's a singer and you're a singer. You know, so it's perfect. So you're trying to suffocate yourself. It makes perfect sense. It's a perfect analytic kind of insight.
Annie: She said your name was Alvy Singer.
Alvy: What do you mean? Me?
Annie: Yeah, yeah you. Because in the dream, I break Sinatra's glasses.
Alvy: Sinatra had glasses? You never said Sinatra had glasses. So what are you saying? That I'm suffocating you?...
Annie: Oh and God, Alvy, I did this really terrible thing to him. Because then when he sang, it was in this real high-pitched voice.
Alvy: What did the doctor say?
Annie: Well, she said that I should probably come five times a week. And you know something? I don't think I mind analysis at all. The only question is, is 'Will it change my wife?'
Alvy: Will it change your wife?
Annie: Will it change my life?
Alvy: Yeah, but you said, 'Will it change my wife?'
Annie: No I didn't. I said, 'Will it change my life, Alvy?'
Alvy: [to the camera] She said, 'Will it change my wife?' You heard that, because you were there. So I'm not crazy.
Annie: And then I told her about how I didn't think you'd ever take me really seriously because you don't think that I'm smart enough.
Alvy: Why do you always bring that up? Because I encourage you to take adult education courses? I think it's a wonderful thing. You meet wonderful interesting professors.

View Quote Alvy: Well, I don't know what I did wrong. I mean, I can't believe this. Somewhere, she cooled off to me. Is it something that I did?
Stranger: It's never something you do. That's how people are. Love fades.

View Quote Alvy: With your wife in bed, does she need some kind of artificial stimulation, like, like marijuana?
Older Man: We use a large vibrating egg.

View Quote Annie: We never have any fun any more.
Alvy: How can you say that?
Annie: Why not? You're always leaning on me to improve yourself.
Alvy: You're just upset. You must be getting your period.
Annie: I don't get a period. I'm a cartoon character. Can't I be upset once in a while?
Rob: Max, will you forget about Annie? I know lots of women you can date.
Alvy: I don't want to go out with any other women.
Rob: Max, I have got a girl for you. You are going to love her. She's a reporter for Rolling Stone.

View Quote Pam: Sex with you is really a Kafka-esque experience.
Alvy: Oh. Thank you.
Pam: I mean that as a compliment.
Alvy: I think, I think there's too much burden placed on the orgasm, you know, to make up for empty areas in life.
Pam: Who said that?
Alvy: It may have been Leopold and Loeb.