Multiple Characters quotes

Schoolboy: I used to be a heroin addict. Now I'm a methadone addict.

Schoolgirl: I'm into leather.

Mrs. Singer: You always only saw the worst in people. You never could get along with anyone in school. You were always out of step with the world. Even when you got famous, you still mistrusted the world.

Lacey Party Guest: This is Davis ... I forgot my mantra.

Partygoer #1: Right now, it's only a notion. But I think I can get money to make it into a concept. And later turn it into an idea.

Partygoer #2: Not only is he a good agent, but he really gives good meeting.

Mrs. Singer: He's been depressed. All of a sudden, he can't do anything.
Doctor: Why are you depressed, Alvy?
Mrs. Singer: Tell Dr. Flicker. [To the doctor] It's something he read.
Doctor: Something he read, huh?
Alvy: The universe is expanding...Well, the universe is everything, and if it's expanding, some day it will break apart and that will be the end of everything.
Mrs. Singer: What is that your business? [To the doctor] He stopped doing his homework.
Alvy: What's the point?
Mrs. Singer: What has the universe got to do with it? You're here in Brooklyn. Brooklyn is not expanding.
Doctor: It won't be expanding for billions of years, yet Alvy. And we've got to try to enjoy ourselves while we're here, huh, huh? Ha, ha, ha.

Alvy (young): What did I do?
Teacher: You should be ashamed of yourself.
Alvy (adult): Why, I was just expressing a healthy sexual curiosity.
Teacher: Six year old boys don't have girls on their minds.
Alvy (adult): I did.
Girl: For god's sakes, Alvy, even Freud speaks of a latency period.
Alvy (adult): Well I never had a latency period. I can't help it.
Teacher: Why couldn't you have been more like Donald? Now there was a model boy.

Pedestrian: Are you on television?
Alvy: No. [After a long pause] Yeah, once in a while...
Pedestrian: What's your name?
Alvy: You wouldn't know. It doesn't matter. What's the difference?
Pedestrian: You're on, uh, the, uh, the Johnny Carson, right?
Alvy: Once in a while, you know...
Pedestrian: What's your name?
Alvy: I-m - I'm uh, I'm Robert Redford.
Pedestrian: Come on.
Alvy: Alvy Singer. It was nice. Thanks very much for everything.
Pedestrian: Hey! Dis is Alvy Singah!
Alvy: Fellas, you know...
Pedestrian: Dis guy's on television!!! Alvy Singer. Right? Am I right?
Alvy: Gimme a break...
Pedestrian: Dis guy's on television!!!
Alvy: I need the large polo mallet.
2nd man: Who's on television?
Pedestrian: Dis guy - on the Johnny Carson Show.
Alvy: Fellas, what is this? A meeting of the Teamsters?
2nd man: What program?
Pedestrian: Kineye 'ave your ortograph?
Alvy: You don't want my autograph.
Pedestrian: No, I do. It's for my girlfriend. Make it out to Ralph.
Alvy: Your girlfriend's name is Ralph?
Pedestrian: It's for my bruddah. ALVY SINGER!! HEY! THIS IS ALVY SINGER!!
[Annie arrives via taxi]
Alvy: Jesus, what did ya do? Come by way of the Panama Canal?
Annie: I'm in a bad mood, OK?
Alvy: Bad mood? I'm standing with the cast of The Godfather.
Annie: You're gonna have to learn to deal with it.
Alvy: I'm dealin' with two guys named Cheech.
Note: The in-joke is that Diane Keaton starred in "The Godfather". So "I'm standing with the cast of The Godfather" can be also taken literally.

Alvy: Hey, you are in a bad mood. You must be getting your period.
Annie: I'm not getting my period. Jesus, every time anything out of the ordinary happens, you think that I'm getting my period.

Annie Hall: So you wanna go into the movie or what?
Alvy Singer: No, I've got to see a picture exactly from the start to the finish, 'cause, 'cause I'm anal.
Annie Hall: Ha! That's a polite word for what you are.

Man in theatre line: We saw the Fellini film last Tuesday. It was not one of his best. It lacks a cohesive structure. You know, you get the feeling that he's not absolutely sure what it is he wants to say. 'Course, I've always felt he was essentially a - a technical film maker. Granted, La Strada was a great film. Great in its use of negative imagery more than anything else. But that simple, cohesive core...
Alvy: I'm gonna have a stroke...What I wouldn't give for a large sock full of manure...He's screaming his opinions in my ear.
Man in theatre line: ...Like all that Juliet of the Spirits or Satyricon... I found it incredibly...indulgent. You know, he really is. He's one of the most indulgent filmmakers. He really is...
Alvy: Key word is indulgent.

Alvy: Do you know what a hostile gesture that is to me?
Annie: I know, because of our sexual problem, right?
Alvy: Everybody on line at The New Yorker has to know our rate of intercourse?
Annie: You know, you're so ego-centric that if I miss my therapy, you can only think of it in terms of how it affects you!
...
Alvy: What do you mean, our sexual problem? I mean, I'm comparatively normal for a guy raised in Brooklyn.
Annie: OK, I'm very sorry. My sexual problem, OK? My sexual problem. Huh? [A man in front of them in line turns back to look at them, and then turns away]
Alvy: I never read that. That was, that was Henry James, right? Novel, huh, the sequel to The Turn of the Screw, 'My Sexual Problem'?

Alvy: The Gestapo would take away your Bloomingdale's charge card and you'd tell 'em everything.
Annie: That movie makes me feel guilty.
Alvy: Cause it's supposed to.

Allison: I'm in the midst of doing my thesis.
Alvy: On what?
Allison: Political commitment in twentieth century literature.
Alvy: You, you, you're like New York, Jewish, left-wing, liberal, intellectual, Central Park West, Brandeis University, the socialist summer camps and the, the father with the Ben Shahn drawings, right, and the really, y'know, strike-oriented kind of, red diaper, stop me before I make a complete imbecile of myself.
Allison: No, that was wonderful. I love being reduced to a cultural stereotype.
Alvy: Right, I'm a bigot, I know, but for the left.

Robin: There's Harry Drucker. He has a chair in history at Princeton. Oh, and the short man is Herschel Kominsky. He has a chair in philosophy at Cornell.
Alvy: Yeah. Two more chairs they got a dining room set...

Alvy: I'm so tired of spending evenings making fake insights with people who work for Dysentery.
Robin: Commentary.
Alvy: Oh, really? I heard that Commentary and Dissent had merged and formed Dysentery.

Robin: What is so fascinating about a group of pituitary cases trying to stuff a ball through a hoop?
Alvy: What is fascinating is that it's physical. You know, it's one thing about intellectuals. They prove that you can be absolutely brilliant and have no idea what's going on. But on the other hand, the body doesn't lie, as we now know.
Robin: All you do is use your physical urges and sex to express hostility.
Alvy: 'Why do you always reduce my animal urges to psychoanalytic categories?' he said as he removed her brassiere.

Alvy: The failure of the country to get behind New York City is Anti-Semitism.
Rob: Max, the city is terribly run.
Alvy: But I'm not discussing politics or economics. This is foreskin.
Rob: No, no, Max. That's a very convenient out. Every time some group disagrees with you, it's because of Anti-Semitism.
Alvy: Don't you see? The rest of the country looks upon New York like we're Left-Wing, Communist, Jewish, homosexual pornographers. I think of us that way sometimes and I live here.

Annie: Well, you are what Grammy Hall would call a 'real Jew.'
Alvy: Thank you.
Annie: Yeah, well, she hates Jews. She thinks they just make money, but let me tell ya, I mean, she's the one. Is she ever, I'm tellin' ya.

Alvy: What do you mean? You're not going to give up your own apartment, are you?
Annie: Of course.
Alvy: But but but why?
Annie: I'm moving in with you, that's why.
Alvy: Yeah, but you've got a nice apartment.
Annie: I have a tiny apartment.
Alvy: I know it's small.
Annie: That's right, and it's got bad plumbing and bugs.
Alvy: All right, granted, it has bad plumbing and bugs. But you, you say that like it's a negative thing. You know, bugs, uh - Entymology is a rapidly growing field.
Annie: You don't want me to live with you.
Alvy: I don't want you to live with me! Who's idea was it?
'Annie: Mine.
Alvy: Yeah, it was yours actually, but uh, I approved it immediately.
Annie: I guess you think that I talked you into something, huh?
Alvy: No. We live together. We sleep together. We eat together. Jesus. You don't want it to be like we're married, do ya?
Annie: You don't think I'm smart enough to be serious about.
Alvy: Hey, don't be ridiculous.
Annie: Then why are you always pushing me to take those college courses like I was dumb or something?
Alvy: 'Cause adult education's a wonderful thing. You meet a lot of interesting professors. You know, it's stimulating.

Alvy: Yeah, grass, right? The illusion that it will make a white woman more like Billie Holiday.
Annie: Well, have you ever made love high?
Alvy: Me? No. I - I, you know, If I have grass or alcohol or anything, I get unbearably wonderful. I get too, too wonderful for words. I don't know why you have to get high every time we make love.
Annie: It relaxes me.
Alvy: You have to be artificially relaxed before we can go to bed?
Annie: Well, what's the difference anyway?
Alvy: Well, I'll give you a shot of sodium pentothal. You can sleep through it.
Annie: Oh come on. Look who's talking. You've been seeing a psychiatrist for 15 years. You should smoke some of this. You'd be off the couch in no time.

Alvy: Hey, is something wrong?
Annie: No, why?
Alvy: I don't know. It's like you're removed.
Annie: No, I'm fine.
Alvy: Are you with me?
Annie: Uh, huh.
Alvy: I don't know. You seem sort of distant.
Annie: Let's just do it, all right?
Alvy: Is it my imagination, or are you just going through the motions?
Ghost Annie: Alvy, do you remember where I put my drawing pad? Because while you two are doing that, I think I'm going to do some drawing.
Alvy: You see, that's what I call removed.
Annie: No you have my body.
Alvy: Yeah, but I want the whole thing.
Annie: Well, I need grass.
Alvy: Well, it ruins it for me if you have grass. Because you know, I'm like a comedian. So if I get a laugh from a person who's high, it doesn't count, you know, 'cause they're always laughing.
Annie: Were you always funny?
Alvy: Hey, what is this - an interview? We're supposed to be making love.

Mrs. Hall: How do you plan to spend the holidays, Mrs. Singer?
Mrs. Singer: We fast.
Mr. Hall: Fast?
Mr. Singer: No food. You know, to atone for our sins.
Mrs. Hall: What sins? I don't understand.
Mr. Singer: To tell you the truth, neither do we.

Duane: Can I confess something? I tell you this because, as an artist, I think you'll understand. Sometimes when I'm driving on the road at night I see two headlights coming toward me. Fast, I have this sudden impulse to turn the wheel quickly, head-on into the oncoming car. I can anticipate the explosion. The sound of shattering glass. Flames rising out of the flowing gasoline.
Alvy: Right. Well, I have to - I have to go now, Duane, because I, I'm due back on the planet Earth.

Alvy: Well, I didn't start out spying. I thought I'd surprise you. Pick you up after school.
Annie: Yeah, but you wanted to keep the relationship flexible. Remember, it's your phrase.
Alvy: Oh stop it, you're having an affair with your college professor, that jerk that teaches that incredible crap course, Contemporary Crisis in Western Man...
Annie: Existential Motifs in Russian Literature. You're really close.
Alvy: What's the difference? It's all mental masturbation.
Annie: Oh, well, now we're finally getting to a subject you know something about.
Alvy: Hey, don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.
Annie: We're not having an affair. He's married. He just happens to think I'm neat.
Alvy: Neat! What are you, 12 years old? That's one of your Chippewa Falls expressions.
Annie: Who cares? Who cares?
Alvy: Next thing, you know, he'll find you keen and peachy, you know. Next thing, you know, he's got his hand on your ass.
Annie: You've always had hostility towards David, ever since I mentioned him.
Alvy: Dave? You call your teacher David?
Annie: It's his name.
Alvy: It's a Biblical name, right? What does he call you, Bathsheba?
Annie: Alvy, Alvy, you're the one who never wanted to make a real commitment. You don't think I'm smart enough. We had that argument just last month, or don't you remember that day?

Annie: So I told her about, about the family and about my feelings towards men and about my relationship with my brother. And then she mentioned penis envy. Do you know about that?
Alvy: Me? I'm, I'm one of the few males who suffers from that...
Annie: She said that I was very guilty about my impulses towards marriage and children. And then I remember when I was a kid how I accidently saw my parents making love.
Alvy: Really. All this happened in the first hour? That's amazing. I'm off fifteen years. You know, I have nothing like that.
Annie: I told her my dream and then I cried.
Alvy: Cried? I have never once cried. That's fantastic to me. I whine. I sit and I whine.
Annie: Wait a minute Alvy. In my dream, Frank Sinatra is holding his pillow across my face and I can't breathe...strangling me...
Alvy: No kidding. Oh sure! Because he's a singer and you're a singer. You know, so it's perfect. So you're trying to suffocate yourself. It makes perfect sense. It's a perfect analytic kind of insight.
Annie: She said your name was Alvy Singer.
Alvy: What do you mean? Me?
Annie: Yeah, yeah you. Because in the dream, I break Sinatra's glasses.
Alvy: Sinatra had glasses? You never said Sinatra had glasses. So what are you saying? That I'm suffocating you?...
Annie: Oh and God, Alvy, I did this really terrible thing to him. Because then when he sang, it was in this real high-pitched voice.
Alvy: What did the doctor say?
Annie: Well, she said that I should probably come five times a week. And you know something? I don't think I mind analysis at all. The only question is, is 'Will it change my wife?'
Alvy: Will it change your wife?
Annie: Will it change my life?
Alvy: Yeah, but you said, 'Will it change my wife?'
Annie: No I didn't. I said, 'Will it change my life, Alvy?'
Alvy: [to the camera] She said, 'Will it change my wife?' You heard that, because you were there. So I'm not crazy.
Annie: And then I told her about how I didn't think you'd ever take me really seriously because you don't think that I'm smart enough.
Alvy: Why do you always bring that up? Because I encourage you to take adult education courses? I think it's a wonderful thing. You meet wonderful interesting professors.

Alvy: Adult education is such junk. The professors are so phony. How can you do it?
Annie: I don't care what you say about David. He's a perfectly fine teacher. And what are you doing following me around for anyway? I think we'd better call this relationship quits.

Alvy: Well, I don't know what I did wrong. I mean, I can't believe this. Somewhere, she cooled off to me. Is it something that I did?
Stranger: It's never something you do. That's how people are. Love fades.

Alvy: With your wife in bed, does she need some kind of artificial stimulation, like, like marijuana?
Older Man: We use a large vibrating egg.

Alvy: You look like a very happy couple...How do you account for it?
Young Woman: I'm very shallow and empty and I have no ideas and nothing interesting to say.
Boyfriend: And I'm exactly the same way.

Annie: We never have any fun any more.
Alvy: How can you say that?
Annie: Why not? You're always leaning on me to improve yourself.
Alvy: You're just upset. You must be getting your period.
Annie: I don't get a period. I'm a cartoon character. Can't I be upset once in a while?
Rob: Max, will you forget about Annie? I know lots of women you can date.
Alvy: I don't want to go out with any other women.
Rob: Max, I have got a girl for you. You are going to love her. She's a reporter for Rolling Stone.

Pam: Sex with you is really a Kafka-esque experience.
Alvy: Oh. Thank you.
Pam: I mean that as a compliment.
Alvy: I think, I think there's too much burden placed on the orgasm, you know, to make up for empty areas in life.
Pam: Who said that?
Alvy: It may have been Leopold and Loeb.

Alvy: Hey, what is this? You got black soap?
Annie: It's for my complexion.
Alvy: What - are you joining a minstrel show?

Alvy: [about the spiders] I did it. I killed 'em both. What's the matter? What are you sad about? What did you want me to do? Capture 'em and rehabilitate 'em?
Annie: Don't go, OK? Please?
Alvy: What do ya mean, 'don't'? What's the matter? What? Are you expecting termites? What's the matter?
Annie: I don't know why. I miss you.

Annie: Alvy, let's never break up again. I don't wanna be apart.
Alvy: You know Annie, I think we're both much too mature for something like that.
Annie: Living together hasn't been so bad, has it?
Alvy: No, for me it's been terrific, you know...'cause there is just something different about you. I don't know what it is, but it's great.
Annie: You know, I think that if you let me, maybe I could help you have more fun.

Alvy's analyst: How often do you sleep together?
Annie's analyst: Do you have sex often?
Alvy: Hardly ever, maybe three times a week.
Annie: Constantly, I'd say three times a week.

Alvy: I don't want to put a wad of white powder in my nose. There's the nasal membrane...
Annie: You never want to try anything new, Alvy.
Alvy: How can you say that? Whose idea was it? I said that you, I and that girl from your acting class should sleep together in a threesome.
Annie: Well, that's sick!
Alvy: Yeah, I know it's sick, but it's new. You didn't say it couldn't be sick.

Annie: [about California] It's so clean out here.
Alvy: That's because they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

Partgoer #1: I'll take a meeting with you if you'll take a meeting with Freddie.
'Partygoer #2: I took a meeting with Freddie. Freddie took a meeting with Charlie. You take a meeting with him.
Partygoer #1: All the good meetings are taken.

Tony's girlfriend: You're Alvy Singer, right? Didn't we meet at EST?
Alvy: EST? No, no, I was never to EST.
Tony's girlfriend: Then how can you criticize it?...
Alvy: No, no, no, I came out here to get some shock therapy, but there was an energy crisis...Hey, you guys are wearing white. It must be in the stars...Uri Geller must be on the premises someplace.
Rob: We're gonna operate together.

Annie: [voiceover] That was fun. I don't think California is bad at all. It's a drag coming home.
Alvy: [voiceover] A lot of beautiful women. It was fun to flirt.
Annie: [voiceover] I have to face facts. I adore Alvy, but our relationship doesn't seem to work anymore.
Alvy: [voiceover] I'll have the usual trouble with Annie in bed tonight. Why do I need this?
Annie: [voiceover] If only I had the nerve to break up but it would really hurt him.
Alvy: [voiceover] If only I didn't feel guilty asking Annie to move out. It would probably wreck her. But I should be honest.
Annie: Alvy? Let's face it. You know something? I don't think our relationship is working.
Alvy: I know. A relationship, I think, is-is like a shark. You know, it has to constantly move forward or it dies, and I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.

Alvy: Whose Catcher in the Rye is this?
Annie: Well let's see now. If it has my name on it, then I guess it's mine.
Alvy: ...You know, you wrote your name in all my books 'cause you knew this day was gonna come.
Annie: Well, uh, Alvy, uh, you wanted to break up just as much as I do.
Alvy: No question about it. I think we're doing the mature thing, without any doubt.
Annie: Now look, all the books on death and dying are yours and all the poetry books are mine.

Alvy: So what - you-you're not gonna come back to New York?
Annie: What's so great about New York? I mean, it's a dying city. You read Death in Venice.
Alvy: Hey, you didn't read Death in Venice till I bought it for ya.
Annie: That's right, that's right. You only gave me books with the word 'death' in the titles.
Alvy: That's right, 'cause it's an important issue.
Annie: Alvy, you're incapable of enjoying life, you know that? I mean you're like New York City. You're just this person. You're like this island unto yourself.
Alvy: I can't enjoy anything unless everybody is. If one guy is starving someplace, that puts a crimp in my evening.

Actor Alvy: [in Alvy's play] You're a thinking person. How can you choose this lifestyle?
Actor Annie: What is so incredibly great about New York? It's a dying city. You - you read Death in Venice.
Actor Alvy: You didn't read Death in Venice till I gave it to you.
Actor Annie: Well, you only give me books with the word 'death' in the title.
Actor Alvy: It's an important issue.
Actor Annie: Alvy, you are totally incapable of enjoying life. You're like New York. You're an island.
Actor Alvy: OK, if that's all that we've been through together means to you, I guess it's better if we just said goodbye, once and for all! You know, it's funny, after all the serious talks and passionate moments that it ends here - in a health-food restaurant on Sunset Boulevard. Goodbye, Sunny.
Actor Annie: Wait! I'm - I'm gonna go with you. I love you.

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