Airplane! quotes

View Quote Male PA Announcer: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in a red zone.
Female PA Announcer: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in a red zone.
Male PA Announcer: The red zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in a white zone.
Female PA Announcer: No, the white zone is for loading. Now, there is no stopping in a RED zone.
Male PA Announcer: The red zone has always been for loading.
Female PA Announcer: Don't you tell me which zone is for loading, and which zone is for unloading.
Male PA Announcer: Look Betty, don't start up with your white zone shit again. There's just no stopping in a white zone.
Female PA Announcer: Oh really, Vernon? Why pretend, we both know perfectly well what this is about. You want me to have an abortion.
Male PA Announcer: It's really the only sensible thing to do. If its done safely, therapeutically, there's no danger involved.

View Quote Tower: Flight two-zero niner, you're cleared for take-off.
Capt. Clarence Oveur: Roger.
Roger Murdock: Huh?
Tower: L.A. departure frequency one two three point niner.
Capt. Clarence Oveur: Roger.
Roger Murdock: Huh?
Victor Basta: Request vector, over.
Capt. Clarence Oveur: Huh?
Tower: Flight two-zero niner, cleared for vector three-two-four.
Roger Murdock: We have clearance, Clarence.
Capt. Clarence Oveur: Roger, Roger. What's our vector, Victor?
Tower: Tower Radio, clearance, over.
Oveur: That's 'Clarence Oveur', over.
Tower: Roger.
Roger Murdock: Huh?
Tower: Roger, over.
Roger Murdock: What?
Capt. Oveur: Huh?
Victor Basta: Who?

View Quote Joey: Wait a minute! I know you. You're Kareem Abdul-Jabar. You played basketball for the Los Angeles Lakers.
Murdock: I'm sorry son, but you must have me confused with some-one else. My name is Roger Murdock. I'm the co-pilot.
Joey: You are Kareem! I've seen you play. My dad's got season tickets.
Murdock: I think you should go back to your seat now Joey. Right Clarence?
Capt. Oveur: Nahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, he's not bothering anyone, let him stay here.
Murdock: But just remember, my name is ROGER MURDOCK. I'm an airline pilot.
Joey: I think you're the greatest, but my dad says you don't work hard enough on defence. And he says that lots of times, you don't even run down court. And that you don't really try... except during the playoffs.
Murdock: The hell I don't!! ( grabs Joey by collar ) LISTEN KID! I've been hearing that crap ever since I was at UCLA. I'm out there busting my buns every night. Tell your old man to drag Walton and Lanier up and down the court for 48 minutes.

View Quote Talk Show Guest: They bought their tickets. They knew what they were getting in to. I say, let 'em crash!
Elaine: Would you gentlemen care to order your dinners?
First Jive Passenger: Bet, babe. Slide a piece o' da' porter. Drink side, run da' java.
Second Jive Passenger: Lookie here. I can dig grease 'n chompin' on some buns and draggin' through the garden.
Randy: Can I get you something?
Second Jive Passenger: 'S'mofo butter layin' me to da' BONE! Jackin' me up... tight me
Randy: I'm sorry, I don't understand.
First Jive Passenger: Cutty say 'e can't HANG!
Jive Lady Passenger: Oh stewardess! I speak jive.
Randy: Oh, good.
Jive Lady Passenger: He said that he's in great pain and he wants to know if you can help him.
Randy: All right. Would you tell him to just relax and I'll be back as soon as I can with some medicine?
Jive Lady Passenger: Jus' hang loose, blood. She gonna catch ya up on da' rebound on da' med side.
Second Jive Passenger: What it is, big mama? My mama no raise no dummies. I dug her rap!
Jive Lady Passenger: Cut me some slack, Jack! Chump don' want no help, chump don't GET da' help!
First Jive Passenger: Say 'e can't hang, say seven up!
Jive Lady Passenger: Jive ass dude don't got no brains anyhow! Hmmph!
Passenger: Oh...it's my stomach. I haven't felt this awful since we saw that Ronald Reagan film.
Young Girl Passenger: *when offered cream for her coffee* No thank you, I take it black...like my men.

View Quote McCroskey: [hands over a map on a piece of paper] Johnny, what can you make outta this?
Johnny: This? Why I could make a hat, or a brooch, a pterodactyl... (McCroskey yanks the paper out of Johnny's hands, and Johnny resumes typing on the typewriter.)

View Quote [Looks around, confused -- He hears the echo]
Hello! (...hello! ...hello!) Echo! (...echo! ...echo!)
[Stiffens]
Pinch hitting... for Pedro Borbon... Manny Mota... Mota... Mota...!
I guess the foot's on the other hand now, isn't it, Kramer?

View Quote Elaine: Would you like something to read?
Old Lady: Do you have anything light?
Elaine: Uhh...how about this leaflet, Famous Jewish Sports Legends?

View Quote Striker: (trying to keep the crashing plane under control) Mayday! Mayday! Mayday!
McCroskey: Mayday? What the hell is that for?
Johnny: Mayday? Why that's the Russian New Year. You know, we'll have a big parade, we'll serve hot hors d'oeuvre...

View Quote I just want to tell you both good luck. We're all counting on you. (repeated several times, once even after the plane has landed)

View Quote Loneliness, that's the bottom line. I was never happy as a child... Christmas, Ted, what does that mean to you? It was living hell. Do you know what it's like falling in the mud and getting kicked, in the head? With an iron boot? Of course you don't, no one does, that never happens. Sorry, Ted, it's a dumb question, skip that.

View Quote Rumack: What flying experience have you had?
Striker: I flew single engine fighters in the Air Force, but this plane has four engines. It's an entirely different kind of flying... altogether.
All (Together): "It's an entirely different kind of flying."

View Quote Mostly, I remember the nights when we were together. I remember how you used to hold me and... how I used to sit on your face and wriggle and—

View Quote Dr Rumack: You'd better tell the Captain we've got to land as soon as we can, this woman has to be gotten to a hospital..
Elaine: A hospital! What is it?
Dr Rumack: It's a big building with patients and doctors and nurses but that's not important right now.

View Quote Kramer (Over radio): How's it handling?
Striker: Sluggish, like a wet sponge.
Elaine (Dutifully relaying via radio to Kramer): Sluggish, like a wet sponge.
Striker (To Elaine): It's a damn good thing he doesn't know how much I hate his guts.
Elaine (Over radio): It's a damn good thing you don't know how much he hates your guts.

View Quote Johnny  : Oh, it's a big, pretty, white plane with red stripes, curtains in the window, and wheels, and it looks like a big Tylenol.
MCrosky : Bad news, the fog is getting thicker.