Capt. Oveur
You ever been in a cockpit before?
Joey
No sir, I've never been up in a plane before.
Capt. Oveur
You ever...seen a grown man naked?
Airplane! quotes
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Control Tower Worker
Captain, maybe we ought to turn on the search lights now.
Kramer
No...that's just what they'll be expecting us to do.
Dr Rumack
You'd better tell the Captain we've got to land as soon as we can, this woman has to be gotten to a hospital..
Elaine
A hospital! What is it?
Dr Rumack
It's a big building with patients and doctors and nurses but that's not important right now.
Dr. Rumack
Captain, these passengers don't have much time. How soon can we land?
Oveur
I can't tell.
Dr. Rumack
You can tell me, I'm a doctor.
Oveur
What I mean is, I don't know.
Dr. Rumack
Well, can't you take a guess?
Oveur
...Not for another two hours.
Dr. Rumack
You can't take a guess for another two hours?
Oveur
No, what I'm saying is we can't land for another two hours.
Elaine
Ted! What are you doing here! You can't fly this plane!
Striker
That's what I've been trying to tell these people!
Elaine
Would you like something to read?
Old Lady
Do you have anything light?
Elaine
Uhh...how about this leaflet, Famous Jewish Sports Legends?
Elaine
You got a telegram from headquarters today.
Striker
Headquarters? What is it?
Elaine
Well, it's a big building where generals meet. But that's not important right now.
Jack Kilpatrick
Shana, they bought their tickets. They knew what they were getting into. I say, let 'em crash!
Joey
Wait a minute! I know you. You're Kareem Abdul-Jabar. You played basketball for the Los Angeles Lakers.
Murdock
I'm sorry son, but you must have me confused with some-one else. My name is Roger Murdock. I'm the co-pilot.
Joey
You are Kareem! I've seen you play. My dad's got season tickets.
Murdock
I think you should go back to your seat now Joey. Right Clarence?
Capt. Oveur
Nahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, he's not bothering anyone, let him stay here.
Murdock
But just remember, my name is ROGER MURDOCK. I'm an airline pilot.
Joey
I think you're the greatest, but my dad says you don't work hard enough on defence. And he says that lots of times, you don't even run down court. And that you don't really try... except during the playoffs.
Murdock
The hell I don't!! ( grabs Joey by collar ) LISTEN KID! I've been hearing that crap ever since I was at UCLA. I'm out there busting my buns every night. Tell your old man to drag Walton and Lanier up and down the court for 48 minutes.
Kramer (Over radio): How's it handling?
Striker
Sluggish, like a wet sponge.
Elaine (Dutifully relaying via radio to Kramer): Sluggish, like a wet sponge.
Striker (To Elaine): It's a damn good thing he doesn't know how much I hate his guts.
Elaine (Over radio): It's a damn good thing you don't know how much he hates your guts.
LA Control Tower
Flight 2-0-9'er, you are cleared for take-off.
Oveur
Roger.
Murdock
Huh?
LA Control Tower
L.A. departure frequency: 1-2-3 point 9'er.
Oveur
Roger.
Murdock
Huh?
Basta
Request vector, over.
Oveur
What?
LA Control Tower
Flight 2-0-9'er, clear for vector 2-3-4.
Murdock
We have clearance, Clarence.
Oveur
Roger, Roger. What's our vector, Victor?
Male PA Announcer
The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in a red zone.
Female PA Announcer
The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in a red zone.
Male PA Announcer
The red zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in a white zone.
Female PA Announcer
No, the white zone is for loading. Now, there is no stopping in a RED zone.
Male PA Announcer
The red zone has always been for loading.
Female PA Announcer
Don't you tell me which zone is for loading, and which zone is for unloading.
Male PA Announcer
Look Betty, don't start up with your white zone shit again. There's just no stopping in a white zone.
Female PA Announcer
Oh really, Vernon? Why pretend, we both know perfectly well what this is about. You want me to have an abortion.
Male PA Announcer
It's really the only sensible thing to do. If its done safely, therapeutically, there's no danger involved.
McCroskey
[hands over a map on a piece of paper]
Johnny, what can you make outta this?
Johnny
This? Why I could make a hat, or a brooch, a pterodactyl... (McCroskey yanks the paper out of Johnny's hands, and Johnny resumes typing on the typewriter.)
McCroskey
I want the best available man on this, a man who knows that plane inside and out and won't crack under pressure.
Johnny
How 'bout Mr. Rogers?
Murdock
Do you want me to check the weather, Clarence?
Capt. Oveur
No, why don't you take care of it.