Roger Rabbit Boy, did you see that? Nobody takes a wallop like Goofy. What timing! What finesse! What a genius!
Voiced by Charles Fleischer 
Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988) · 110 quotes
Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988) · 110 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988): in 29 of its 110 quotes
Most scenes with: Eddie Valiant (13), Judge Doom (5), Jessica Rabbit (5)
P-p-please, Eddie. You know there's no justice for toons anymore. If the weasels get their hands on me, I'm as good as dipped!
More lines from Roger Rabbit
10 quotes Roger Rabbit Roger Rabbit (As Eddie "entertains" the weasels)
Hey, Eddie! Keep it up! You're "killing 'em"! You're "slaying 'em"! You're "knocking 'em dead"!
Roger Rabbit Nice shirt. Who's your tailor? Quasimodo?
Roger Rabbit I can give you stars, look! (hits himself with a frying pan) Look! (hits himself again) Lo-o-o-o-k! (keeps hitting himself)
Roger Rabbit [repeated line]
P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-PLEASE.
Roger Rabbit My whole purpose in life is to...make...people...laugh!
Roger Rabbit [angrily to Eddie]
Dames?! What dames?! Jessica is the only one for me! You will see! We will rise above this pickling peccadillo! We are going to be happy again! You got that?! Happy! Capital H-A-P-P-I!
Roger Rabbit Is there nothing that can permeate your impervious puss? Hey, Eddie! (makes silly noise) Boy, nothing!
Roger Rabbit Look, stars! Ready when you are, Raoul! Ooh-hoo-hoo!
Roger Rabbit [to Judge Doom and the Weasels]
Nose!
Scenes with Roger Rabbit
18 scenes
Raoul J. Raoul
Cut!
Cameraman
All right. That's it, Jack!
Raoul J. Raoul
Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut!
What the hell was wrong with that take?!
Raoul J. Raoul
Nothing with you, Baby Herman. You were great. You were perfect. You were better than perfect! It's just Roger, he keeps blowing his lines! Roger, what is this?
Roger Rabbit A tweeting bird?
Raoul J. Raoul
"A tweeting bird?!" Roger, read this script! Look what it says. It says, "Rabbit gets clunked, rabbit sees stars." Not birds, stars! Can we lose the playback, please! You're killing me, killing me!
For crying out loud, Roger! How the hell many times we have to do this damn scene?! Raoul! I'll be in my trailer, takin' a nap! [Walks between a woman's legs]
Woman
Wooo!
'Scuse me, toots.
Raoul J. Raoul
My stomach can't take this. This is a mess, clean this set up! Get him out of there, or seal him up in it. Lose the lights! Say Lunch! That's lunch we're on a half!
Roger Rabbit P-p-please, Raoul. I can give you stars. Just drop the refrigerator on my head one more time.
Raoul J. Raoul
Roger, I've dropped it on your head 23 times already.
Roger Rabbit I can take it, don't worry about me.
Raoul J. Raoul
I'm not worried about you. I'm worried about the refrigerator.
Roger Rabbit No! Not my Jessica! Not patty-cake! This is impossible! I don't believe it! It can't be! It just can't be! Jessica's my wife! It's absolutely impossible! Jessica's the love of my life. The apple of my eye. The cream in my coffee.
Well you better start drinking it black, Acme's taking the cream now.
Happy Trails.
Roger Rabbit No thanks Eddie, I'm trying to cut down.
Drink the drink!
Roger Rabbit But I don't want the drink!
He doesn't want the drink!
He does!
Roger Rabbit I don't!
You do!
Roger Rabbit I don't!
You do!
Roger Rabbit I don't!
You do!
Roger Rabbit I don't!
You don't!
Roger Rabbit I do!
You don't!
Roger Rabbit I do!
You don't!
Roger Rabbit Listen, when I say "I do", that means I do!
Roger Rabbit Yeah! Check the probate! Why, my Uncle Thumper had a problem with his "probate", and he had to take these big pills, and drink lots of water!
Not prostate, you idiot! Probate!
Anybody know you're here?
Roger Rabbit Nobody. Not a soul, except, uh--
Who?
Roger Rabbit Well, you see, I didn't know where your office was. So I asked the newsboy. He didn't know. So I asked the fireman, green grocerer, the butcher, the baker, they didn't know. But the liquor store guy; he knew.
In other words, the whole damn town knows you're here! Get out!
You crazy rabbit! I'm out there risking my neck for you, and what are you doing? Singing and dancing!
Roger Rabbit But I'm a toon. Toons are supposed to make people laugh.
Sit down!
Roger Rabbit You don't understand. Those people needed to laugh.
Then when they're done laughing, they'll call the cops. That guy Angelo would rat on you for a nickel.
Roger Rabbit Not Angelo. He'd never turn me in.
Why? Because you made him laugh?
Roger Rabbit That's right! A laugh can be a very powerful thing. Why, sometimes in life, it's the only weapon we have.
Angelo Hey, I seen a rabbit.
Where?
Where?!
Angelo He's right here in the bar.
Angelo [put his arm around an imaginary friend]
Say hello, Harvey.
Roger Rabbit [the whole bar erupts in laughter]
I told you so.
Say, Judge. You want we should "disresemble" the place?
No, Sergeant. Disassembling the place won't be necessary. The rabbit is going to come right to me.
[Doom taps "Shave and a Haircut" on counter]
No toon can resist the old Shave-and-a-Haircut trick.
...
Shave, and a haircut...
Roger Rabbit [Roger crashes through the wall]
Two bits!
Roger Rabbit What could have possibly happened to you to turn you into such a sourpuss?
You really want to know? I'll tell you. A toon killed my brother.
Roger Rabbit A toon? No-o!
Yes, a toon. We were investigating a robbery at the First National Bank of Toontown. Back in those days, me and Teddy liked working Toontown, thought it was a lot of laughs. Anyway, this guy got away with a zillion simoleons. We trailed him to a little dive down on Yukster Street. We went in. Only he got the drop on us, literally. Dropped a piano on us from fifteen stories. Broke my arm, Teddy never made it. I never did find out who that guy was. All I remember was him standing over me laughing, with those burning red eyes, and that high, squeaky voice. He disappeared into Toontown after that.
Roger Rabbit [sobbing]
No wonder you hate me! If a toon killed my brother, I'd hate me too!
(Roger finds Benny locked in the back of the Toon Patrol paddy wagon)
Hey, you weasels! Let me outta here, will ya? Come on! I gotta make a living!
Roger Rabbit Eddie! We got ourselves a ride! Open the doors!
Don't make us play rough, Valiant. We just want the rabbit.
Roger Rabbit What are we gonna do, Eddie? What are we gonna do, Eddie? What are we gonna do?
What's all this "we" stuff? They just want the rabbit.
Do you mean to tell me you could have taken your hand out of that cuff at any time?!
Roger Rabbit Not at any time. Only when it was funny.
Roger Rabbit Okay, nobody move! All right, weasel, grab some sky or I'll let the judge have it! You heard me, I said drop it!
Roger, darling!
Roger Rabbit That's right, my dear. I'd love to embrace you, but first, I have to satisfy my sense of moral outrage!
Put that gun down, you buck-toothed fool!
Roger Rabbit That's it, Doom. Give me another excuse to pop you full of lead. So you thought you could get away with it, didn't you? Ha! We toons may act idiotic, but we're not stupid. We demand justice. Why, the real meaning of the word probably hits you like a "ton of bricks"!
Roger Rabbit Look, stars! Ready when you are, Raoul.
Tie the lovebirds together.
(calliope begins playing "The Merry Go Round Broke Down")
Now Roger is his name/And laughter is his game/Come on you dope, untie his rope/And watch him go insane.
Roger Rabbit I don't think so.
This singing's not my line/It's tough to make a rhyme/If I get stuck, I'm out of luck--
I'm running out of time!
Thanks!
Roger Rabbit (more pratfalls; weasels start dying of laughter)
Hey, Eddie, keep it up! You're killing 'em! You're slaying 'em! You're knocking 'em dead!
I'm through with taking falls/And bouncing off the walls/Without that gun I'd have some fun/I'd kick you in the-- *gets hit in head with vase*
Roger Nose!
Nose? That don't rhyme with walls!
No, but this does!
(kicks Smart Ass in the groin, sending him flying, screaming, into the Dip Mixer, which then dissolves him)
Roger Rabbit Was I, really?
Better than Goofy.
[Bongo the Gorilla spots Eddie for peeping through the keyhole of the door to Jessica Rabbit's dressing room at the Ink and Paint club.]
What do you think you're doing, chump?
Who are you callin' a chump, chimp?
[Bongo opens the door and throws the screaming Eddie out of the Ink and Paint club.]
And don't let me catch your peepin' face around here again! Got it? [closes the door]
OOGA-BOOGA!
Marvin
Come, my dear, Jessica. Over here. I have everything ready. Right here, on the bed.
Marvin
Oh, Jessica, you promised.
Oh, all right. But this time, take off that hand buzzer.
[Eddie stands by the window and takes pictures of them playing patty-cake] [surprised]
You gotta be kidding me.
Roger [In Maroon's office; Roger is crying after finding out Jessica playing patty-cake with Marvin Acme] [crying; struggles the window blinds]
Patty-cake! Patty-cake! I don't believe it! [heads to bang his head on his desk] Patty-cake! Patty-cake! Is that true?!
Take comfort, son. You're not the first man whose wife played patty cake on him.
Roger [Maroon hands Roger his handkerchief, he uses it to blow his nose couple times. He hands it back dripping with water and Maroon hands it to Eddie.]
I just don't believe it. I won't believe it. I can't believe it. I shan't believe it!
[drops the wet handkerchief in the bin]
Believe it, kid. I took the pictures myself. She played patty cake.
Roger [looks at couple pictures of Jessica and Marvin]
No... not my Jessica! Not patty cake. This is impossible. I don't believe it. It can't be. It just can't be. Jessica's my wife! It's absolutely impossible! [throws pictures into the air] Jessica's the light of my life, the apple of my eye, the cream in my coffee.
You better start drinking it black, 'cause Acme's taking the cream now.
Hard to believe. Marvin Acme's been my friend and neighbor for 30 years. Who would've thought he was a sugar daddy?
Roger Somebody must have made her do it.
[hands Roger a glass of whiskey]
Now drink this, son. It'll make ya feel better.
[Roger takes a shot of the glass of whiskey. He turns a variety of different colors and his eyes bulge. He suddenly shoots into the air and emits a whistling sound so high pitched that it smashes all the glasses, saucers, picture frames and awards since 1923 in the room including the one held by Valiant and the glass awards on the shelves, broken lamp since 1912 and the bottle of beer. As the whistling dies down Roger collapses back into the seat and mutters...]
Roger [drunkenly]
Thanks. I needed that.
[shakes the whiskey off of his hands]
Son of a bitch. Look, Mr. Maroon, I think my work here is finished. How about that carrot you owe me, huh?
A deal's a deal. [hands Eddie the check]
Thanks.
Roger. I know all this seems pretty painful now. But you'll find someone new. Won't he, Mr. Valiant?
Yeah, sure. A good looking guy like that? [chuckles] The dames'll be breaking his door down.
Roger [suddenly comes to life; angered]
Dames?! What dames?! [grabs Eddie by the collar] Jessica's the only one for me! You'll see! We'll rise above this pickling peccadillo! We're going to be happy again! You got that? Happy! Capital H-A-P-P-I!
[Roger crashes through the window, leaving a rabbit shaped hole in the glass and the blinds from smashing window.]
Well, at least he took it well.
Roger [Eddie and Maroon stare dumbfounded out of the window the blinds crash down.] [while crying, looking at his pictures of him and Jessica; wedding, honeymoon and nightclub]
Oh, Jessica. Please tell me it's not true. P-p-p-please?
Happy Trails.
Roger No, thanks, Eddie. I'm tryin' to cut down.
Drink the drink!
Roger But I don't want the drink!
He doesn't want the drink.
He does!
Roger I don't!
You do!
Roger I don't!
You do!
Roger I don't!
You do!
Roger I don't!
You don't.
Roger I do!
You don't!
Roger I do!
You don't!
Roger [takes the drink]
Listen! When I say "I do", that means I do!
[Roger drinks the glass, causing him to leap into the air and emit the same ear-piercing whistling sound as before in Maroon's office, breaking multiple bottles and glasses. Eddie fights the weasels, smashing all the tables and breaking bottles. As the drink's effect on Roger wears out, he nearly falls in the dip, but Valiant catches him]
Got you, kid! [knocks over the barrel of dip to slow down Doom]
Roger Come on, Eddie! Let's get outta here! Move it, pops! YIKES!! [he and Eddie rush outside] Yeah! That was quick thinking, Eddie! Nothin' like using the ol' spine flower, the wise noodle, the smart puddin'!
Roger, let's use this! [grabs Roger and throws him in the weasels van]
Roger Let's get outta here! What are you waiting for?!
THERE'S NO DAMN KEY!
[They both hear a voice from the back]
HEY, YOU WEASELS! LET ME OUTTA HERE, WILL YA?! COME ON! I'VE GOTTA MAKE A LIVING!
Roger [opens the hatch and looks back]
Benny, is that you?
Roger [squeezes through the hatch and the love letter to Jessica falls into Eddie's lap. He puts it in his pocket]
Eddie! We got ourselves a ride! Open the doors!
[Eddie opens the van doors and a toon taxi cab named Benny leaps out]
Ah! That's better! I can't believe they locked me up for driving on a sidewalk!
Roger [gulp]
Don't tell me you lost your sense of humor already. [Valiant grabs Roger by the neck.]
Does this answer your question? [Valiant gives him a big kiss.]
Roger Yech! Hoo hoo hoo!
Come on, Roger, let's go home. I'll bake you a carrot cake.
