Van Wilder quotes

View Quote Tit! Oh mummy. Most Indians would say cow because they are sacred, but, I hear milk and I think big giant jugs. I can not go back home a virgin. I came here to this country to study the great American art of muff diving. To smack clam, munch rug, dine at just one American pink taco stand! You know, I wanted to, how is it, park the porpoise. You know? I want to take it through the car wash, baby. And get it waxed. I want to wax it. Wax it! You know, and air dry. Air dry that shit, yeah! And I would like to be your assistant very much, Mr. Van Wilder.

View Quote Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out alive.

View Quote Are you stalking me? 'Cause that would be super.

View Quote Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but doesn't get you anywhere.

View Quote Taj: This is the culmination of my being.
Naomi: Baby, I'm about to culminate, now get over here.

View Quote Van: Blue. It brings out your eyes. Kid's got killer eyes; not unlike yourself. Anyone ever tell you that?
Gwen: Yes, my boyfriend.

View Quote Don't be a fool, stay in school.

View Quote And thus, 'Topless Tutors' was born.

View Quote McDoogle: Ok, Wilder. Let's dance.
Van: It's a good day to die, McDoogle.

View Quote Jeannie: This party so rocks, Richard!
Richard: This party sucks rectum, Jeannie!

View Quote Richard: You do not call her that, Gonad!

View Quote Jeannie: It was the greatest ten seconds. Ever.

View Quote Vance Wilder, Sr.: Van is still in school?
Assistant: For the better part of a decade.

View Quote Applicant: I see a rabbi. And he's performing a cir****cision...on himself though.

View Quote [during sex]
Jeannie: P.S. This a great room.
Richard: P.S. Shut the **** up!