Van Wilder quotes

View Quote Tit! Oh mummy. Most Indians would say cow because they are sacred, but, I hear milk and I think big giant jugs. I can not go back home a virgin. I came here to this country to study the great American art of muff diving. To smack clam, munch rug, dine at just one American pink taco stand! You know, I wanted to, how is it, park the porpoise. You know? I want to take it through the car wash, baby. And get it waxed. I want to wax it. Wax it! You know, and air dry. Air dry that shit, yeah! And I would like to be your assistant very much, Mr. Van Wilder.

View Quote Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out alive.

View Quote Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but doesn't get you anywhere.

View Quote Van: Blue. It brings out your eyes. Kid's got killer eyes; not unlike yourself. Anyone ever tell you that?
Gwen: Yes, my boyfriend.

View Quote Taj: This is the culmination of my being.
Naomi: Baby, I'm about to culminate, now get over here.

View Quote Are you stalking me? 'Cause that would be super.

View Quote And thus, 'Topless Tutors' was born.

View Quote Jeannie: This party so rocks, Richard!
Richard: This party sucks rectum, Jeannie!

View Quote Don't be a fool, stay in school.

View Quote Jeannie: It was the greatest ten seconds. Ever.

View Quote Richard: You do not call her that, Gonad!

View Quote McDoogle: Ok, Wilder. Let's dance.
Van: It's a good day to die, McDoogle.

View Quote [during sex]
Jeannie: P.S. This a great room.
Richard: P.S. Shut the **** up!

View Quote Van: Now, repeat after me. No **** pump...
Taj: No **** pump.

View Quote Applicant: I see a rabbi. And he's performing a cir****cision...on himself though.