Uncle Buck

Uncle Buck quotes

32 total quotes (ID: 602)

Buck Russell
Multiple Characters
Tia Russell


[Chanice is listening to an answering machine message from Buck]
Buck: I think about those two little dimples on your buns. Hahaha.
Chanice: Dimples!
Buck: What do we call them? One... one was on the right, 'was Lyndon and left was...
Chanice: It's Johnson.
Buck: Johnson.
[Chanice laughs]
Buck: And then there was your boobs we did. Now, your boobs were Minnie and Mickey, I remember that because of Disneyworld. And Felix! Felix is what we called your...
[cut to the next scene, where a cat meows loudly]


Cindy Russell: When Dad goes to New York, I'm going to take a week off work.
Tia: So you can interview new housekeepers?
Cindy Russell: I've had enough of your ugliness.
Tia: Oh really?
Cindy Russell: Mm-hmm. We're all just a little tired of the act.

Maizy: [about the bowling alley] They have rent-a-shoes!
Tia: And rent-a-foot disease!

Buck: You know there's uh, one family charity case who loves you very much.
Tia: [crying] I'm sorry.
Buck: Hey, come on. Nothing to be sorry about. I'm just glad I got a chance to know you again.

[Buck's beat-up old car pulls up]
Bug: Ever hear of a tune-up? Hee hee hee hee hee.
Buck: Ah, heh heh heh. Ever hear of a ritual killing? Ah, heh heh heh heh heh
Bug: I don't get it.
Buck: You gnaw on her face in public like that again and you'll be one. Ah, heh heh heh heh.

[Buck is trying to make Tia go out bowling with him]
Buck: We've done the battle of the wills. The deck's stacked in my favor. You're just gonna lose again.
Tia: Try me.
Buck: How would you like to spend the next several nights wondering if your crazy, out of work, bum uncle will shave your head while you sleep? See you in the car.

[serving gigantic pancakes to Miles for his birthday] You should see the toast. I couldn't even get it through the door.

Tia: Uncle Buck?
Buck: Yeah?
Tia: Got a minute?
Buck: I got lots of minutes.
Tia: Now that everything's okay with my grandfather, I want to go out tomorrow night.
Buck: You can go crazy after I leave. Until then, I'm not letting you out.
Tia: You just can't find any way to be cool can you?
Buck: You mean easy? No.
Tia: I mean decent!
Buck: You mean blind!
Tia: Who are you trying to score points with? My parents? How many times have they had you over here since we moved? Try none until they went up shit creek and got stuck!
Buck: Get used on your parent's time.

Art Linkletter was right. Kids do say the God-damndest things

[struggling to open the washing machine] Do I have to talk dirty to you? Come on! Open up for daddy! I'm gonna shove a load into you! Here we go! Come on, it's nice and easy. Aaah! Come on, here we go! Ah! Take that! Take that! Come on! You don't want the crowbar, do you? Come on! OPEN UP! UUGGHH! I'm gonna shove my load into you whether you like it or not.

Hey, Mom. Next time you take off in the middle of the night, why don't you hire a murderer to watch the house?

[On the way to his brother's] Oh boy, those kids. I haven't seen those kids in a while. Tia's gotta be nine. Nine, maybe ten. Oh boy. And the two new ones. They're uh... Larry and... uh... Larry and, uh... Uh... Betsy. Betsy, uh... Jennifer. Jennifer. Larry and Jennifer. Oh boy.

[They're eating Chinese take-out] This is such a wonderful dinner, mother. How DO you find the time?

We need boys so they can grow up, get married and turn into shadows.

Tia: Are you crazy?
Buck: I can be.
Tia: You could have taken his head off!
Buck: Yeah, but would he notice?