Uncle Buck quotes

View Quote Buck: The guy's a predator and you're his prey.
Tia: Really?
Buck: You bet.
Tia: And how would you know?
Buck: When I was his age, I was a guy zooming girls like you. Pretty face, good chip on your shoulder.
Tia: I recommend you say out of my personal life!
Buck: Do your parents stay out of your personal life?
Tia: They don't know my personal life.
Buck: Have they met twiddle-dink?
Tia: His name is Bug.
Buck: [chuckles] First or last?
Tia: First!
Buck: What's his last name, Spray?
Tia: You should talk, Buck!

View Quote Miles: Where do you live?
Buck: In the city.
Miles: You have a house?
Buck: Apartment.
Miles: Own or rent?
Buck: Rent.
Miles: What do you do for a living?
Buck: Lots of things.
Miles: Where's your office?
Buck: I don't have one.
Miles: How come?
Buck: I don't need one.
Miles: Where's your wife?
Buck: Don't have one.
Miles: How come?
Buck: It's a long story.
Miles: You have kids?
Buck: No I don't.
Miles: How come?
Buck: It's an even longer story.
Miles: Are you my Dad's brother?
Buck: What's your record for consecutive questions asked?
Miles: 38.
Buck: I'm your Dad's brother alright.
Miles: You have much more hair in your nose than my Dad.
Buck: How nice of you to notice.
Miles: I'm a kid - that's my job.

View Quote Buck: [inquiring about the health of Bob's father-in-law] Her dad?
Bob Russell: Hard to say.
Buck: Oh, those medical terms eh?

View Quote Buck: You know there's uh, one family charity case who loves you very much.
Tia: [crying] I'm sorry.
Buck: Hey, come on. Nothing to be sorry about. I'm just glad I got a chance to know you again.

View Quote Cindy Russell: When Dad goes to New York, I'm going to take a week off work.
Tia: So you can interview new housekeepers?
Cindy Russell: I've had enough of your ugliness.
Tia: Oh really?
Cindy Russell: Mm-hmm. We're all just a little tired of the act.

View Quote [Buck is trying to make Tia go out bowling with him]
Buck: We've done the battle of the wills. The deck's stacked in my favor. You're just gonna lose again.
Tia: Try me.
Buck: How would you like to spend the next several nights wondering if your crazy, out of work, bum uncle will shave your head while you sleep? See you in the car.

View Quote Maizy: [about the bowling alley] They have rent-a-shoes!
Tia: And rent-a-foot disease!

View Quote We need boys so they can grow up, get married and turn into shadows.

View Quote [Buck's beat-up old car pulls up]
Bug: Ever hear of a tune-up? Hee hee hee hee hee.
Buck: Ah, heh heh heh. Ever hear of a ritual killing? Ah, heh heh heh heh heh
Bug: I don't get it.
Buck: You gnaw on her face in public like that again and you'll be one. Ah, heh heh heh heh.

View Quote [They're eating Chinese take-out] This is such a wonderful dinner, mother. How DO you find the time?

View Quote Art Linkletter was right. Kids do say the God-damndest things

View Quote Tia: Uncle Buck?
Buck: Yeah?
Tia: Got a minute?
Buck: I got lots of minutes.
Tia: Now that everything's okay with my grandfather, I want to go out tomorrow night.
Buck: You can go crazy after I leave. Until then, I'm not letting you out.
Tia: You just can't find any way to be cool can you?
Buck: You mean easy? No.
Tia: I mean decent!
Buck: You mean blind!
Tia: Who are you trying to score points with? My parents? How many times have they had you over here since we moved? Try none until they went up shit creek and got stuck!
Buck: Get used on your parent's time.

View Quote [On the way to his brother's] Oh boy, those kids. I haven't seen those kids in a while. Tia's gotta be nine. Nine, maybe ten. Oh boy. And the two new ones. They're uh... Larry and... uh... Larry and, uh... Uh... Betsy. Betsy, uh... Jennifer. Jennifer. Larry and Jennifer. Oh boy.

View Quote Tia: Are you crazy?
Buck: I can be.
Tia: You could have taken his head off!
Buck: Yeah, but would he notice?

View Quote [to her mother] If my whole family moved away from me, I'd have a heart attack too.