Tootsie quotes

View Quote I don't believe in hell. I believe in UNEMPLOYMENT, but not hell.

View Quote Michael: Wait, I'll call you a cab.
Sandy: Don't bother. It's cheaper to get mugged.

View Quote John: [finishing his drink] Dorothy, I want you.
Dorothy: I beg your pardon?

View Quote George: You are psychotic!
Michael: No, I'm not, I'm employed.

View Quote I'm going to feel this way until I don't feel this way anymore.

View Quote [to April, dressed only in bra and panties] What kind of mother would I be if I didn't give my girls tits... tips?

View Quote I think we're getting into a weird area here.

View Quote Michael: You should have seen the look on her face when she thought I was a lesbian.
George: "Lesbian"? You just said gay.
Michael: No, no, no - SANDY thinks I'm gay, JULIE thinks I'm a lesbian.
George: I thought Dorothy was supposed to be straight?
Michael: Dorothy IS straight. Tonight Les, the sweetest, nicest man in the world asked me to marry him.
George: A guy named Les wants YOU to marry him?
Michael: No, no, no - he wants to marry Dorothy.
George: Does he know she's a lesbian?
Michael: Dorothy's NOT a lesbian.
George: I know that, does HE know that?
Michael: Know WHAT?
George: That, er, I... I don't know.

View Quote I don't like when somebody comes up to me the next day and says, "Hey, man, I saw your play. It touched me; I cried." I like it when a guy comes up to me a week later and says, "Hey, man, I saw your play... what happened?"

View Quote That is one nutty hospital.

View Quote Ron: You don't like me, do you? Now, I can respect that. There's not many women that I can't make like me. Why don't you like me?
Dorothy: I don't like the way you treat Julie. I don't like the way you patronize her. I don't like the way you deceive her. I don't like the way you lie to her.
Ron: What do you mean?
Dorothy: You want me to go on?
Ron: No, no. I know what you mean.

View Quote I'm just afraid that you're going to burn in Hell for all this.

View Quote Well, good night, Michael. It was a wonderful party. My date left with someone else. I had a lot of fun. Do you have any Seconol?

View Quote Sandy: Wish me luck.
Michael: [trying to help her keep her anger for an audition] **** you.
Sandy: Thanks.
Michael: **** you.

View Quote You slut.