Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby quotes

View Quote Chip, I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey!

View Quote Slingshot: engage.

View Quote If you ain't first, you're last!

View Quote There's a god damn cougar in the car!

View Quote Greatest generation my ass, Tom Brokaw is a punk!

View Quote [After Ricky has stabbed himself in the leg] Here, we'll use this knife to pry the other one out! Kristen eats knives for breakfast!

View Quote I'm gonna scissor-kick you in the back of the head!

View Quote [about holding hands with Ricky] It is a sign of friendship in many cultures, it is not sexual at all. Do not be bothered by the fact I have an erection right now. It has nothing to do with you.

View Quote Bill Weber: We'd like to thank you for joining us for NBC's coverage of NASCAR. Coming up next, it's "Ice Dancing To The Hits Of Motown".

View Quote Whoa! I gotta lay off the peyote.

View Quote Bill Weber: Ricky Bobby wins! You'll never see anything like that in a hundred lifetimes! It was completely illegal and in no way will count, but, man, that was something!

View Quote [as Ricky attempts to pass Girard in a race] Send that weird man back to Indonesia!

View Quote Reese: Now, there's nothing like driving to avoid jail. Nothing hones your mind and your instincts like necessity. So I taped a kilo of cocaine underneath the car and called the boys in blue. Now, the way I figure it, you got about 2 minutes before they show up, and you do five to ten. So, what's it gonna be? Fear...or prison?
Ricky: What the hell are you talkin' about?!
Reese: Real simple, son! Cops are comin'! There's a kilo of Colombian bam-bam underneath the car! Time to be a man! You got hair on your peaches or what?

View Quote Shut up, Chip, or I'll go apeshit on your ass!

View Quote Aww Nana, not my prison shank.