Simon Birch

Simon Birch quotes

36 total quotes (ID: 539)

Adult Joe Wenteworth (Narrator)


Simon Birch: Does God have a plan for us?
Rev. Russell: I like to think He does.
Simon Birch: -Me too. I think God made me the way I am for a reason.
Rev. Russell: Well, I'm glad that, um, that your faith, uh, helps you deal with your, um...you know, your, your condition.
Simon Birch: That's not what I mean. I think I'm God's instrument - that He's gonna use me to carry out His plan.


When someone you love dies, you don't lose them all at once. You lose them in pieces over time, like how the mail stops coming. What I remember most to this day was my mother's scent and how I hated it when it began to disappear. First from her closets and drawers, then from her dresses that she had sewed herself and finally, from her bedsheets and pillowcases.

Time is a monster that cannot be reasoned with. It responds like a snail to our impatience...then it races like a gazelle when you can't catch your breath.

[At Rebecca's tombstone.]
Simon Birch: Into paradise...may the angels...lead you.

Simon Birch: I want to know that there's a reason for things. I used to be certain, but now I'm not so sure. I want you to tell me that God has a plan for me, a plan for all of us. Please.
[Finding it difficult to respond with a good answer]
Rev. Russell: Simon...I can't.

Mr. Birch: Simon's sick.
Joe Wenteworth: I know.
Mr. Birch: So was I when I heard what he did last night. The whole town's talkin' about it. What a little screw-up.
Joe Wenteworth: Hey, your son is not a screw-up. He's a hero.
Mr. Birch: What the hell are you talkin' about?
Joe Wenteworth: I said he's a hero. And you don't deserve him. I want you to know that.

Rev. Russell: Simon, what do you think you're doing sitting in a corner?
Simon Birch: Thinking about God.
Rev. Russell: In a corner?
Simon Birch: Faith is not in a floor plan.

Joe Wentworth: C'mon Si, all the girls think your cute.
Simon Birch: They think I'm cute like a baby turtle. Girls don't kiss baby turtles.

Simon Birch: Your mother has the best breasts of all the mothers.
Joe Wenteworth: [trying to ignore] Yeah.
Simon Birch: And she smells the best too.
Joe Wenteworh: I know.
Simon Birch: She's so sexy that sometimes I forget she's someone's mother.
Joe Wenteworth: Okay. Okay.
Simon Birch: I was just being honest.
Joe Wenteworth: Well, what if I said the same thing about your mother?
Simon Birch: I'd have you committed.

Joe Wenteworth: Come on. We're late.
Simon Birch: No, you're late. I'm just riding with you.

[At the church, Simon expresses himself in front of everyone.]
Simon Birch: I said, "What does coffee and doughnuts have to do with God?"
Rev. Russell: They're merely refreshments so people can socialize and, uh, and discuss the upcoming activities.
Simon Birch: Who ever said the church needs a continental breakfast?
Rev. Russell: -Simon!
Simon Birch: I doubt that God is interested in our church activities.
Rev. Russell: -Simon!
Simon Birch: -If God has made the church bake sale a priority, then I'd say we're all in a lot of trouble.

Joe Wenteworth: Okay, you grabbed her boobs, and you pulled her into the manger. Big deal. It could've happened to anybody. Well, maybe not anybody.

Simon Birch: I was just thinking.
Joe Wenteworth: Yeah?
Simon Birch: Last year we played in the Squirt League, right?
Joe Wenteworth: Uh-huh.
Simon Birch: And this year we're in the Peewees.
Joe Wenteworth: So?
Simon Birch: Do they want us to play baseball or urinate? [silence] Anyway, I was just thinking.

Simon Birch: [crying] I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

Rebecca Wenteworth: Do your thing, Simon! Show 'em how it's done!