Shrek quotes

44 total quotes (ID: 535)


Fiona: You didn't slay the dragon?!
Shrek: It's on my to-do list. Now come on!
Fiona: But this isn't right! You're meant to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying... That's what all the other knights did!
Shrek: [glances at a scorched skeleton] Yeah, right before they burst into flame!

Fiona: But how will you kiss me?
Shrek: What? That wasn't in the job description!
Donkey: Maybe it's a perk!

Shrek: For your information, there's a lot more to ogres than people think.
Donkey: Example?
Shrek: Example? Okay, er... ogres... are... like onions.
Donkey: [sniffs onion] They stink?
Shrek: Yes...NO!
Donkey: Or they make you cry.
Shrek: No!
Donkey: Oh, you leave them out in the sun and they turn brown and start sproutin' little white hairs.
Shrek: NO! LAYERS! Onions have layers. OGRES have layers. Onions have layers... you get it. We both have layers.
Donkey: Oh, you both have layers. [pause] You know, not everybody likes onions. [pause] CAKES! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers!
Shrek: [restraining temper] I don't care... what everyone likes. Ogres. Are not. Like cakes!
Donkey: You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "Heck no, I don't like no parfait"? Parfaits are delicious.
Shrek: NOOO!!! YOU DENSE, IRRITATING, MINIATURE BEAST OF BURDEN! Ogres are like onions! End of story! Bye bye! [whispers] See you later!
Donkey: Parfaits may probably be the most delicious thing on the whole dang planet!
Shrek: You know... I think I preferred you humming...

Donkey: You love this woman, don't ya?
Shrek: Yes.
Donkey: You wanna HOLD her?
Shrek: Yes!
Donkey: PLEASE her?!
Shrek: YES!
Donkey: [singing] Then ya gotta, gotta try a little tenderness! Chicks LOVE that romantic crap!

(to Fiona, as he goes to rescue Donkey from the dragon) Well, I have to save my ass.

I live in a swamp! I put up signs! I'm a terrifying ogre! WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET A LITTLE PRIVACY?!!

(to Donkey) I already told you, didn't I? You're not coming home with me! I live alone! MY swamp! ME! Nobody else, nobody! Especially useless, pathetic, annoying, TALKING DONKEYS!!!

(upon seeing the castle where Fiona is held prisoner) Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location!

(seeing Lord Farquaad's enormous castle) Do you think maybe he's compensating for something?

You hear that? She called me a noble steed. She think I'm a steed!

Blue flower, red thorns, blue flower, red thorns... this would be so much easier if I wasn't colorblind!

No one likes a kiss-ass.

You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy, you're afraid of your own feelings!

Oh, man, I can't feel my toes! (looks down at his hooves) I DON'T HAVE ANY TOES! (sadly) I think I need a hug...

Nobody move! I have a dragon and I'm not afraid to use it!