The Princess Bride

The Princess Bride quotes

105 total quotes (ID: 733)

Buttercup
Count Rugen
Fezzik
Grandpa
Inigo Montoya
Multiple Characters
Prince Humperdinck
Vizzini
Westley


[Miracle Max inflates Westley's chest with a bellows.]
Miracle Max: Hey! Hello in there. Hey! What's so important? What you got here that's worth living for? [presses on Westley's chest to force the air back out]
Westley: [faintly] Truuuuueee.... looooooovvveee.....
Inigo Montoya: [excited] True love! You heard him! You could not ask for a more noble cause than that.
Miracle Max: Sonny, true love is the greatest thing in the world. Except for a nice MLT, a mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe. They're so perky, I love that. But that's not what he said! He distinctly said "to blave." And, as we all know, "to blave" means "to bluff," huh? So you're probably playing cards, and he cheated—
Valerie: [popping out from another room] Liar! LIAR! LI-A-A-AR!
Miracle Max: Get back, witch!
Valerie: I'm not a witch, I'm your wife! But after what you just said, I'm not even sure I want to be that anymore!
Miracle Max: You never had it so good.
Valerie: "True love!" He said, "true love," Max! My God—
Miracle Max: Don't say another word, Valerie.
Valerie: [to the others] He's afraid. Ever since Prince Humperdinck fired him, his confidence is shattered.
Miracle Max: Why'd you say that name? You promised me that you would never say that name!
Valerie: What, Humperdinck? Humperdinck. [begins chasing Max around the house] Humperdinck. Ooo-ooo, Humperdinck!
Miracle Max: [holding his hands over his ears] I'm not listening!
Valerie: True love, life expiring and you don't have the decency to say why you won't help!
Miracle Max: Nobody's hearing nothing!
Valerie: [continues repeating "Humperdinck" at Max]
Inigo Montoya: [simultaneously] This is Buttercup's true love! If you heal him, he will stop Humperdinck's wedding.
Miracle Max: [quiets Valerie] Wait, wait- I make him better, Humperdinck suffers?
Inigo Montoya: Humiliations galore!
Miracle Max: [laughs and sings briefly] That is a noble cause! Give me the sixty-five. I'm on the job!


[Westley and Buttercup are traversing the fire swamp. All the while, Westley is cutting away vines with his sword.]
Westley: This will all soon be but a happy memory. Roberts' ship "Revenge" is anchored at the far end. And I, as you know, am Roberts.
Buttercup: But how is that possible, since he's been marauding twenty years and you only left me five years ago?
Westley: I myself am often surprised at life's little quirks. You see, what I told you before about saying "please" was true. It intrigued Roberts, as did my descriptions of your beauty. Finally, Roberts decided something. He said, "All right, Westley, I've never had a valet. You can try it for tonight. I'll most likely kill you in the morning." Three years he said that. "Good night, Westley. Good work. Sleep well. I'll most likely kill you in the morning." It was a fine time for me. I was learning to fence, fight, anything anyone would teach me. And Roberts and I eventually became friends. And then it happened.
Buttercup: What? Go on.
Westley: Well, Roberts had grown so rich, he wanted to retire. So he took me to his cabin and told me his secret. "I am not the Dread Pirate Roberts," he said. "My name is Ryan. I inherited this ship from the previous Dread Pirate Roberts, just as you will inherit it from me. The man I inherited it from was not the real Dread Pirate Roberts, either. His name was Cummerbund. The real Roberts has been retired fifteen years and living like a king in Patagonia." Then he explained the name was the important thing for inspiring the necessary fear. You see, no one would surrender to the Dread Pirate Westley. So we sailed ashore, took on an entirely new crew, and he stayed aboard for a while as first mate, all the time calling me Roberts. Once the crew believed, he left the ship and I have been Roberts ever since. Except, now that we're together, I shall retire and hand the name over to someone else. Is everything clear to you?
Buttercup: [nods at Westley, then gives him a confused expression]

Buttercup: I know who you are. Your cruelty reveals everything! You're the Dread Pirate Roberts; admit it!
Man in Black: [bows] With pride! What can I do for you?
Buttercup: You can die slowly, cut into a thousand pieces.
Man in Black: [shakes his head] Hardly complimentary, Your Highness. Why loose your venom on me?
Buttercup: You killed my love.
Man in Black: It's possible; I kill a lot of people. Who was this love of yours? Another Prince, like this one, ugly, rich, and scabby? [sits down nearby]
Buttercup: No. A farm boy. [gazing off into space in remembrance] Poor. Poor and perfect, with eyes like the sea after a storm. [pauses briefly, then focuses back on the Man in Black] On the high seas, your ship attacked, and the Dread Pirate Roberts never takes prisoners.
Man in Black: [leaning back leisurely against a rock] I can't afford to make exceptions. Once word leaks out that a pirate has gone soft, people begin to disobey you, and then it's nothing but work, work, work, all the time.
Buttercup: You mock my pain!
Man in Black: Life is pain, Highness! Anyone who says differently is selling something. [gets up and wanders around near Buttercup] I remember this farm boy of yours, I think. This would be, what, five years ago? Does it bother you to hear?
Buttercup: [not looking at the Man in Black] Nothing you can say will upset me.
Man in Black: He died well, that should please you. No bribe attempts or blubbering. He simply said, "Please. Please, I need to live." It was the "please" that caught my memory. I asked him what was so important for him. "True love," he replied. And then he spoke of a girl of surpassing beauty and faithfulness. I can only assume he meant you. You should bless me for destroying him before he found out what you really are.
Buttercup: And what am I?
Man in Black: Faithfulness he talked of, madam, your enduring faithfulness! Now, tell me truly. When you found out he was gone, did you get engaged to your prince that same hour, or did you wait a whole week out of respect for the dead?
Buttercup: [standing up, more indignant than before] You mocked me once, never do it again! I died that day!
[The Man in Black turns to see Humperdinck's hunting party riding past on the hill above them.]
Buttercup: And you can die too for all I care! [pushes him down the hill]
Man in Black: [tumbling down the hill] Aaaass yooooouuu wiiiiish!
Buttercup: [shocked] Oh, my sweet Westley, what have I done? [jumps down the hill after him]

[The Man in Black challenges Vizzini to determine which goblet of wine is poisoned.]
Vizzini: But it's so simple! All I have to do is divine from what I know of you. Are you the sort of man who would put the poison into his own goblet, or his enemy's? Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool; you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
Man in Black: You've made your decision then?
Vizzini: Not remotely! Because iocaine comes from Australia, as everyone knows. And Australia is entirely peopled with criminals. And criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me. So I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.
Man in Black: Truly you have a dizzying intellect.
Vizzini: Wait 'til I get going! [small pause] Where was I?
Man in Black: Australia.
Vizzini: Yes, Australia. And you must have suspected I would have known the powder's origin, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me!
Man in Black: You're just stalling now.
Vizzini: You'd like to think that, wouldn't you?! You've beaten my giant, which means you're exceptionally strong. So, you could have put the poison in your own goblet, trusting on your strength to save you. So I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But, you've also bested my Spaniard which means you must have studied. And in studying, you must have learned that man is mortal, so you would have put the poison as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me!
Man in Black: You're trying to trick me into giving away something — it won't work.
Vizzini: It has worked! You've given everything away! I know where the poison is!
Man in Black: Then make your choice.
Vizzini: I will! And I choose... [points behind the Man in Black and gasps] What in the world can that be?
Man in Black: [Turns to look while Vizzini switches the goblets] What? Where? I don't see anything.
Vizzini: Oh, well, I-I could have sworn I saw something. No matter. [chuckles]
Man in Black: What's so funny?
Vizzini: I'll tell you in a minute, but first, let's drink. Me from my glass, and you from yours.
[Vizzini and the Man in Black pick up their respective goblets and, after some gesturing by Vizzini, they drink. Vizzini continues to chuckle.]
Man in Black: [setting down his goblet] You guessed wrong.
Vizzini: You only think I guessed wrong! That's what's so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned! [laughs openly] You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is "Never get involved in a land war in Asia." But only slightly less well known is this: "Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!" [laughs maniacally for a few seconds, then stops abruptly and falls over dead.]

Impressive Clergyman: Mawwiage. Mawwiage is what bwings us togethew today. Mawwiage, that bwessed awwangement, that dweam within a dweam. And wove, twue wove, wiww fowwow you fowevah and evah… So tweasuwe youw wove…Have you the wing?

Buttercup: If you'll release me ... whatever you ask for ransom, you'll get it, I promise you...
Man in Black: And what is that worth, the promise of a woman? You're very funny, Highness.
Buttercup: I was giving you a chance! It does not matter where you take me. There's no greater hunter than Prince Humperdinck. He could track a falcon on a cloudy day. He can find you.
Man in Black: You think your dearest love will save you?
Buttercup: I never said he was my dearest love! And yes, he will save me. That I know.
Man in Black: You admit to me you do not love your fiance?
Buttercup: He knows I do not love him.
Man in Black: "Are not capable of love" is what you mean.
Buttercup: [indignant] I have loved more deeply than a killer like yourself could ever dream!
[The Man In Black ****s his hand back, ready to slap Buttercup. She flinches.]
Man in Black: That was a warning, Highness. The next time, my hand flies on its own. Where I come from, there are penalties when a woman lies.

Inigo Montoya: I do not mean to pry, but you don't by any chance happen to have six fingers on your right hand?
Man in Black: Do you always begin conversations this way?
Inigo Montoya: My father was slaughtered by a six-fingered man.
[The Man in Black holds up his hand, revealing only five fingers.]
Inigo Montoya: He was a great swordmaker, my father. And when the six-fingered man appeared and requested a special sword, my father took the job. He slaved a year before he was done. [unsheaths his sword and hands it to the Man in Black]
Man in Black: [examines the sword with admiration] I have never seen its equal. [hands it back to Inigo]
Inigo Montoya: The six-fingered man returned and demanded it, but at one-tenth his promised price. My father refused. Without a word, the six-fingered man slashed him through the heart. I loved my father, so naturally, I challenged his murderer to a duel. I failed. Six-fingered man leave me alive, but he gave me this. [points to a scar on first one cheek, then the other]
Man in Black: How old were you?
Inigo Montoya: I was eleven years old. When I was strong enough, I dedicated my life to the study of fencing. So the next time we meet, I will not fail. I will go up to the six-fingered man and say, "Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."
Man in Black: You've done nothing but study swordplay?
Inigo Montoya: More pursuit than study lately. You see, I cannot find him. It's been twenty years now. I am starting to lose confidence. I just work for Vizzini to pay the bills. There's not a lot of money in revenge.
Man in Black: [standing up after a pause in the conversation] Well, I certainly hope you find him someday.
Inigo Montoya: You are ready, then?
Man in Black: Whether I am or not, you've been more than fair.
Inigo Montoya: [assumes fighting stance] You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you.
Man in Black: [also assumes fighting stance] You seem a decent fellow. I hate to die.
Inigo Montoya: [enthusiastically] Begin!

[Fezzik is climbing a rope up a vertical rock face, carrying Vizzini, Inigo and Buttercup. The Man in Black has started climbing the rope as well.]
Vizzini: Faster!
Fezzik: I thought I was going faster.
Vizzini: You were supposed to be this colossus! You were this great, legendary thing! And yet he gains!
Fezzik: Well, I'm carrying three people. And he's got only himself.
Vizzini: I do not accept excuses! I'm just going to have to find myself a new giant, that's all.
Fezzik: Don't say that, Vizzini. Please?

[Inigo, having just been critically injured, gets up and starts advancing on Rugen.]
Inigo Montoya: Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
[The two fight for a moment, then pause]
Inigo Montoya: Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
Count Rugen: Stop saying that!
[More fighting ensues. Inigo gains the upper hand.]
Inigo Montoya: [yelling] Hello! My name is Inigo Montoya! You killed my father! Prepare to die!
Count Rugen: No!
[Inigo slices Rugen's cheek]
Inigo Montoya: Now! Offer me money!
Count Rugen: Yes!
Inigo Montoya: [Inigo slices the other cheek] Power too! Promise me that.
Count Rugen: All that I have and more. Please...
Inigo Montoya: [steps back and gestures dramatically] Offer me everything I ask for!
Count Rugen: Anything you want!
[Rugen takes another lunge at Inigo. Inigo parries and stabs Rugen through the stomach.]
Inigo Montoya: I want my father back, you son of a bitch. [thrusts his sword into Rugen, then pulls it back out, leaving him to die.]

Fezzik: Inigo! Inigo! Where are you? [Inigo appears at the window] Ah, there you are. Inigo, I saw the Prince's stables, and there they were, four white horses. And I thought, there are four of us, if we ever find the lady. [Buttercup appears at the window] Hello, lady! So I took them with me, in case we ever bumped into each other. I guess we just did.
Inigo Montoya: Fezzik, you did something right.
Fezzik: Don't worry. I won't let it go to my head.

Inigo Montoya: Hello there. [The Man In Black glances up and grunts] Slow going?
Man in Black: Look, I don't mean to be rude, but this is not as easy as it looks. So I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't distract me.
Inigo Montoya: Sorry.
Man in Black: Thank you.
[A moment passes. Inigo returns to the edge.]
Inigo Montoya: I do not suppose you could speed things up?
Man in Black: If you're in such a hurry, you could lower a rope, or a tree branch, or find something useful to do.
Inigo Montoya: I could do that. I've got some rope up here. But I do not think that you would accept my help, since I am only waiting around to kill you.
Man in Black: That does put a damper on our relationship.
Inigo Montoya: But I promise I will not kill you until you reach the top.
Man in Black: That's very comforting. But I'm afraid you'll just have to wait.
Inigo Montoya: I hate waiting. I could give you my word as a Spaniard.
Man in Black: No good. I've known too many Spaniards.
Inigo Montoya: Is there any way you'll trust me?
Man in Black: Nothing comes to mind.
Inigo Montoya: [seriously] I swear on the soul of my father, Domingo Montoya, you will reach the top alive.
Man in Black: [pauses] Throw me the rope.

Count Rugen: Are you coming down into the Pit? Westley's got his strength back. I am starting him on The Machine tonight.
Humperdinck: Tyrone, you know how much I love watching you work. But, I've got my country's five hundredth anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder, and Guilder to frame for it. I'm swamped.
Count Rugen: Get some rest. If you haven't got your health, you haven't got anything.

Inigo Montoya: You are using Bonetti's Defense against me, eh?
Man in Black: I thought it fitting, considering the rocky terrain.
Inigo Montoya: Naturally you must expect me to attack with Capo Ferro.
Man in Black: Naturally. But I find that Thibault cancels out Capo Ferro, don't you?
Inigo Montoya: [pushes the Man in Black off a shelf onto lower ground] Unless the enemy has studied his Agrippa, which I have! [jumps and flips over the Man in Black]

Inigo: What is that you're ripping?
Vizzini: It's fabric from the uniform of an Army officer of Guilder.
Fezzik: Who's Guilder?
Vizzini: The country across the sea. The sworn enemy of Florin. [slaps the horse's rump] Go! Once the horse reaches the castle, the fabric will make the Prince suspect the Guilderians have abducted his love. When he finds her body dead on the Guilder frontier, his suspicions will be totally confirmed.
Fezzik: You never said anything about killing anyone.
Vizzini: I've hired you to help me start a war. It's a prestigious line of work with a long and glorious tradition.
Fezzik: I just don't think it's right, killing an innocent girl.
Vizzini: Am I going mad or did the word "think" escape your lips!? You were not hired for your brains, you hippopotamic land mass!
Inigo Montoya: I agree with Fezzik.
Vizzini: Oh, the sot has spoken! What happens to her is not truly your concern. I will kill her! And remember this. Never forget this! [to Inigo] When I found you, you were so slobbering drunk you couldn't buy brandy! [to Fezzik] And you! Friendless. Brainless. Helpless, hopeless! Do you want me to send you back to where you were? Unemployed? In Greenland!?

[Inigo pounds on a door]
Miracle Max: [from inside] Go away!
[Inigo pounds again]
Miracle Max: [opening a small window in the door] What? What?
Inigo Montoya: Are you the Miracle Max who worked for the King all those years?
Miracle Max: The King's stinking son fired me. And thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject. While you're at it, why don't you give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice on it? We're closed! [slams the window closed]
[Inigo pounds again]
Miracle Max: [opening the window again] Beat it, or I'll call the Brute Squad!
Fezzik: I'm on the Brute Squad.
Miracle Max: [looking at Fezzik] You are the Brute Squad!
Inigo Montoya: We need a miracle. It's very important.
Miracle Max: Look, I'm retired. And besides, why would you want someone the King's stinking son fired? I might kill whoever you wanted me to miracle.
Inigo Montoya: He's already dead.
Miracle Max: [pauses] He is, eh? I'll take a look. Bring him in.