The Princess Bride

The Princess Bride quotes

105 total quotes (ID: 733)

Buttercup
Count Rugen
Fezzik
Grandpa
Inigo Montoya
Multiple Characters
Prince Humperdinck
Vizzini
Westley


[Inigo pounds on a door]
Miracle Max: [from inside] Go away!
[Inigo pounds again]
Miracle Max: [opening a small window in the door] What? What?
Inigo Montoya: Are you the Miracle Max who worked for the King all those years?
Miracle Max: The King's stinking son fired me. And thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject. While you're at it, why don't you give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice on it? We're closed! [slams the window closed]
[Inigo pounds again]
Miracle Max: [opening the window again] Beat it, or I'll call the Brute Squad!
Fezzik: I'm on the Brute Squad.
Miracle Max: [looking at Fezzik] You are the Brute Squad!
Inigo Montoya: We need a miracle. It's very important.
Miracle Max: Look, I'm retired. And besides, why would you want someone the King's stinking son fired? I might kill whoever you wanted me to miracle.
Inigo Montoya: He's already dead.
Miracle Max: [pauses] He is, eh? I'll take a look. Bring him in.


[to Fezzik] And YOU! Friendless. Brainless. Helpless. Hopeless! Do you want me to send you back to where you were? Unemployed? In Greenland?!

Inigo Montoya: You are wonderful!
Man in Black: Thank you. I've worked hard to become so.
Inigo Montoya: I admit it. You are better than I am.
Man in Black: Then why are you smiling?
Inigo Montoya: Because I know something you don't know.
Man in Black: And what is that?
Inigo Montoya: I am not left-handed! [switches to fighting with his right hand]
[The two continue to fight, until the Man in Black is backed against the cliff edge]
Man in Black: You're amazing!
Inigo Montoya: I ought to be, after twenty years.
Man in Black: There's something I ought to tell you.
Inigo Montoya: Tell me.
Man in Black: I'm not left-handed either. [switches his sword to his right hand]

Buttercup: Oh, Westley, will you ever forgive me?
Westley: What hideous sin have you committed lately?
Buttercup: I got married. I didn't want to. It all happened so fast.
Westley: It never happened.
Buttercup: What?
Westley: It never happened.
Buttercup: But it did. I was there. This old man said, "Man and wife."
Westley: Did you say, "I do"?
Buttercup: [confused] No. We sort of skipped that part.
Westley: Then you're not married. If you didn't say it, you didn't do it.

Let me explain... No, there is too much. Let me sum up. Buttercup is marrying Humperdinck in a little less than half an hour, so all we have to do is get in, break up the wedding, steal the Princess, and make our escape after I kill Count Rugen.

[Westley is lying weak on the bed, having just been challenged by Prince Humperdinck.]
Humperdinck: To the death!
Westley: No! To the pain.
Humperdinck: [pauses] I don't think I'm quite familiar with that phrase.
Westley: I'll explain. And I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you warthog-faced buffoon.
Humperdinck: [flinching angrily] That may be the first time in my life a man has dared insult me.
Westley: It won't be the last. "To the pain" means the first thing you lose will be your feet, below the ankles, then your hands at the wrists. Next your nose.
Humperdinck: [losing his patience] And then my tongue, I suppose. I killed you too quickly the last time, a mistake I don't mean to duplicate tonight.
Westley: I wasn't finished! The next thing you lose will be your left eye, followed by your right—
Humperdinck: [exasperated] And then my ears, I understand! Let's get on with it—
Westley: WRONG! Your ears you keep, and I'll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out, "Dear God, what is that thing?" will echo in your perfect ears. That is what "to the pain" means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever.
Humperdinck: [pauses] I think you're bluffing.
Westley: It's possible, pig. I might be bluffing. It's conceivable, you miserable vomitous mass, that I'm only lying here because I lack the strength to stand. Then again, perhaps I have the strength after all. [standing slowly and holding out his sword] Drop. Your. Sword.

As you know, the concept of the suction pump is centuries old. Well, really, that's all this is. Except that instead of sucking water, I'm sucking life. I've just sucked one year of your life away. I might one day go as high as five, but I really don't know what that would do to you. So, let's just start with what we have. What did this do to you? Tell me. And remember, this is for posterity, so be honest — how do you feel?

Old Woman: Your true love lives and you marry another — True love saved her in the Fire Swamp, and she treated it like garbage. And that's what she is, the Queen of Refuse! So, bow down to her if you want. Bow to her. Bow to the Queen of Slime, the Queen of Filth, the Queen of Putrescence. Boo! Boo! Rubbish! Filth! Slime! Muck! Boo! Boo!

[The Man in Black has just performed an impressive dismount from a parallel bar.]
Inigo Montoya: Who are you?
Man in Black: No one of consequence.
Inigo Montoya: I must know.
Man in Black: Get used to disappointment.
Inigo Montoya: [shrugs] Okay. [resumes fighting]

Do you know what that sound is, Highness? Those are the Shrieking Eels — if you don't believe me, just wait. They always grow louder when they're about to feed on human flesh. If you swim back now, I promise, no harm will come to you. I doubt you will get such an offer from the Eels.

Fezzik: Why do you wear a mask? Were you burned by acid, or something like that?
Man in Black: Oh no. It's just that they're terribly comfortable. I think everyone will be wearing them in the future.

Westley: Where am I?
Albino: [whispering harshly] THE PIT OF DESPAIR! DON'T EVEN THINK— [clears his throat and proceeds in a normal voice.] Don't even think about trying to escape.

[Westley and Buttercup finish tumbling down the hill.]
Westley: Can you move at all?
Buttercup: Move? You're alive. If you want, I could fly.
Westley: I told you I would always come for you. Why didn't you wait for me?
Buttercup: Well... you were dead.
Westley: Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while.
Buttercup: I will never doubt again.
Westley: There will never be a need.

[Fezzik, Inigo and Westley scare off Yellin's guards with an impressive display involving a holocaust cloak, then prevent Yellin from closing the portcullis at the castle gate.]
Westley: Give us the gate key.
Yellin: I have no gate key.
Inigo Montoya: Fezzik, tear his arms off.
Yellin: [pulls out the key] Oh, you mean this gate key!

[The Man in Black causes Fezzik to fall unconscious.]
Man in Black: [checks to make sure Fezzik is still alive] I do not envy the headache you will have when you wake up. But in the meantime, sleep well, and dream of large women. [picks up his sword and continues pursuing Vizzini]