'Sup G?
Peter Gibbons
Ron Livingston · 38 quotes
Michael Bolton
David Herman · 22 quotes
Samir Nagheenanajar
Ajay Naidu · 15 quotes
Lawrence
Diedrich Bader · 14 quotes
Bill Lumbergh
Gary Cole · 10 quotes
Milton Waddams
Stephen Root · 10 quotes
Bob Porter
Paul Willson · 9 quotes
Joanna
Jennifer Aniston · 8 quotes
Bob Slydell
John C. McGinley · 7 quotes
Drew
Greg Pitts · 4 quotes
Tom Smykowski
Richard Riehle · 4 quotes
Most scenes together: Peter Gibbons & Michael Bolton (10), Michael Bolton & Samir Nagheenanajar (9), Peter Gibbons & Samir Nagheenanajar (8)
Office Space quotes
Page 1 of 7Hello Peter, what's happening? Listen, are you gonna have those TPS reports for us this afternoon?
No.
Ah. Well then I suppose we should go ahead and have a little talk.
Not right now Lumbergh, I'm kinda busy. You know what, in fact I'm gonna have to ask you to just go ahead and come back later, I've got a meeting with the Bobs in a couple minutes.
I wasn't aware of a meeting with them.
Yeah, they called me at home.
Looks like you've been missing a lot of work lately.
Well, I wouldn't exactly say I've been *missing* it, Bob.
I'd like to move us right along to a Peter Gibbons. Now, we had a chance to meet this young man and, boy, that's just a straight-shooter with "upper management" written all over him.
Oooo... yeahhhh, ummm... I'm gonna have to go ahead and sort of disagree with you there. Yeah, uh, he's been real flaky lately, and I'm just not sure that he's the caliber person that we would want for upper management. He's also been having some problems with his TPS reports.
Mmm-mmm.
It's that you haven't challenged him enough, to get him motivated.
There it is.
Yeah, um, well, I'm just not sure about that right now.
[Pulls Peter's file aside, showing Lumbergh's file next]
Yeah, Bill, let me ask you a real quick question here: How much time would you say you spend each week dealing with these TPS reports?
Milton Waddams.
Dom Portwood
Who's he?
You know, squirrely looking guy, mumbles a lot.
Dom Portwood
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, we can't actually find a record of him being a current employee here.
I looked into it more deeply and I found that apparently what happened is that he was laid off five years ago and no one ever told him, but through some kind of glitch in the payroll department, he still gets a paycheck.
So we just went ahead and fixed the glitch.
Great.
Dom Portwood
So um, Milton has been let go?
Well just a second there, professor. We uh, we fixed the *glitch*. So he won't be receiving a paycheck anymore, so it will just work itself out naturally.
We always like to avoid confrontation, whenever possible. Problem solved from your end.
Would you bear with me for just a second here.
OK.
What if - and believe me this is hypothetical - but what if you were offered some kind of a stock option equity sharing program. Would that do anything for you?
I don't know, I guess. Listen, I'm gonna go. It's been really nice talking to both you guys.
Absolutely, the pleasure's all on this side of the table, trust me.
Good luck with your layoffs, all right? I hope your firings go really, really well.
Excellent.
Great... Wow.
You see, what we're trying to do is get a feeling for how people spend their time at work so if you would, would you walk us through a typical day, for you?
Yeah.
Great.
Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late, ah, I use the side door - that way Lumbergh can't see me, heh - after that I sorta space out for an hour.
Da-uh? Space out?
Yeah, I just stare at my desk, but it looks like I'm working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch too, I'd say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work.
Dom Portwood
Hello, Peter. What's happening? We need to talk about your TPS reports.
Yeah. The coversheet. I know, I know. Uh, Bill talked to me about it.
Dom Portwood
Yeah. Uh, did you get that memo?
Yeah. I got the memo. And I understand the policy. The problem is, I just forgot this one time. And I've already taken care of it so it's not even a problem anymore.
Dom Portwood
Yeah. It's just that we're putting new coversheets on all the TPS reports *before* they go out now. So if you could just remember to do that from now on, that'd be great. All right!
How dare you judge me! You are just this penny-stealing, wannabe criminal... man.
Well, that may be, but at least I never slept with Lumbergh.
Why don't you call me when you grow up! Wait a minute, that will never happen, so why don't you just not call me, yeah...
Say hello to Lumbergh for me!
So, where do you work, Peter?
Initech.
In... yeah, what do you do there?
I sit in a cubicle and I update bank software for the 2000 switch.
What's that?
Well see, they wrote all this bank software, and, uh, to save space, they used two digits instead of four. So, like, 98 instead of 1998? Uh, so I go through these thousands of lines of code and, uh... it doesn't really matter. I uh, I don't like my job, and, uh, I don't think I'm gonna go anymore.
You're just not gonna go?
Yeah.
Won't you get fired?
I don't know, but I really don't like it, and, uh, I'm not gonna go.
So you're gonna quit?
Nuh-uh. Not really. Uh... I'm just gonna stop going.
When did you decide all that?
About an hour ago.
An hour ago... so you're gonna get another job?
I don't think I'd like another job.
Well, what are you going to do about money and Bills and...
You know, I've never really liked paying Bills. I don't think I'm gonna do that, either.
So what do you wanna do?
First I'm gonna take you out to dinner, and then I'm gonna go back to my apartment and watch Kung Fu. Do you ever watch Kung Fu?
I love Kung Fu.
Channel 39.
Totally.
You should come over and watch Kung Fu tonight.
Ok. Ok. Can we order lunch first? Ok.
You know what, Stan, if you want me to wear 37 pieces of flair, like your pretty boy over there Brian, why don't you make the minimum 37 pieces of flair?
Stan, Chotchkie's Manager
Well, I thought I remembered you saying that you wanted to express yourself.
You know what, I do want to express myself, okay. And I don't need 37 pieces of flair to do it. (flips off her boss)
Doesn't that chick look like Anne?
Yeah, a little bit...
Hey, she hasn't been over here in a while. You two still goin' out?
Yeah. I guess... I don't know. Sometimes I get this feeling like she's cheating on me.
Yeah, I get that feeling too, man.
What do you mean by that?
I don't know, man. I just get that feeling lookin' at her like she's the type of chick that just...[shudders]
You haven't even been showing up for work, and you got to keep your job.
Actually I'm being promoted.
You think the pet rock was a really great idea?
Sure it was. The guy made a million dollars. You know, I had an idea like that once. A long time ago.
Really, what was it, Tom?
Well, all right. It was a "Jump to Conclusions" mat. You see, it would be this mat that you would put on the floor, and it would have different conclusions written on it that you could jump to.
That's the worst idea I've ever heard in my life, Tom.
Yes, this is horrible, this idea.
You were supposed to come in Saturday. What were you doing?
Michael, I did nothing. I did absolutely nothing, and it was everything I thought it could be.