National Lampoon's Vacation quotes

67 total quotes

Clark Griswold
Multiple Characters
Roy Walley

View Quote We watch his program. We buy his toys, we go to his movies, he owes us! Doesn't he owe us, ha? He owes the Griswalds right? ****ing-A right he owes us!

View Quote Clark: I'm just trying to treat my family to a little fun.
Ellen: Oh spare me, Clark, I know your brand of family fun. Tomorrow you'll probably kill the desk clerk, hold up a McDonalds, and drive us 1000 miles out of the way to see the world's largest pile of mud!

View Quote Clark: Could I do your back, honey?
Ellen: I've already done my back.
Clark: Could I do your front?
Ellen: Go do your own front.

View Quote I don't give a frog's fat ass who went through what. We need money! Hey, Russ, wanna look through Aunt Edna's purse?

View Quote Ellen: Clark, let's just skip the house of mud. I think Dodge City was enough for one day. Besides, Catherine and Eddie are expecting us.
Clark: It's living history Ellen. But if you'd rather see your cousins it's okay by me. Personally I'd rather see a pile of mud than Eddie.

View Quote When I was a boy, just about every summer we'd take a vacation. And you know, in 18 years, we never had fun.

View Quote Ellen: Gee Cath look's like you really got your hands full.
Catherine: Oh, it's not so bad. Eddie says after the baby comes, I can quit one of my night jobs.

View Quote Audrey: Mom, where can I go to the bathroom?
Ellen: Find a bush Audrey!

View Quote [after driving off the road]
Ellen: I think I broke my nose.
Rusty: I stabbed my brain.
Audrey: I just got my period.

View Quote [the kids are playing Pacman while Clark is designing a map on the computer] Russ, please don't eat the Truckster.

View Quote [In Cousin Normy's backyard in the pouring rain]
Ellen: We can't leave Aunt Edna on the patio!
Clark: Would you prefer I slip her in the night deposit box at the funeral home?

View Quote I'm making out a check for $1000, all you have to do is give me $300 in cash and keep the $700, all for doing nothing more than acting like a total creep.

View Quote Cousin Eddie: How do you like yours, Clark?
Clark: Oh, medium rare, a little pink inside.
Cousin Eddie: No, I mean your bun.

View Quote Lasky: Rusty, may I call you Rusty? I had a bad experience on this ride once.
Rusty: What happened?
Lasky: I threw up.

View Quote Motorcycle Cop: [sternly] Do you know what the penalty is, in this state, for cruelty to animals?
Clark: No, officer, I don't.
Motorcycle Cop: [hesitatingly] Well, it's probably pretty stiff!