National Lampoon's Vacation quotes

67 total quotes

Clark Griswold
Multiple Characters
Roy Walley

View Quote Clark: Excuse me, could you please tell me how to get back on the express way?
Pimp: **** yo mama!
Clark: Thank you very much.

View Quote Aunt Edna: Did you tell Clark and Ellen the good news?
Cousin Catherine: [nervously] Uh, no; I was just about to.
Ellen: Good news, what good news, Catherine?
Aunt Edna: You're driving me to Phoenix!
[Clark bites into his 'burger' and it squirts out onto the plate]

View Quote Ellen: Stay in the car! It's hot and dangerous out here.
Aunt Edna: Don't you tell me what to do, I'll do what I want! I should never have come on this trip with you, I should have taken an airplane... and him! [pointing to Clark] He shouldn't even have a license to drive an automobile! He should be BEHIND BARS!
Ellen: SIT down and SHUT UP! Move outta that seat and I'll split your lip!

View Quote Cousin Eddie: Hey Clark, you look like you could use a cold one.
Clark: Now you're talking!
[Eddie hands Clark his opened beer he'd been drinking, gets a fresh one for himself]

View Quote Clark: We're from out of town.
Man Giving Directions: No shit.

View Quote Clark: So, this is the old homestead, eh?
Cousin Eddie: Yeah. I don't know for how much longer, though. The banks been after me like flies on a rib roast.

View Quote Ellen: Don't just blurt it out to Normie about Edna dying.
Clark: How about I ask him to play 20 Questions?
[Clark knocks on the front door of Normie's house and rings the doorbell, but no anwser]
Clark: Oh, for Christ sakes he isn't home.
Ellen: Maybe the neighbors know where he is.
Clark: The moron knows we're coming and he isn't home.
Ellen: Normie's always been flakey.
Clark: He's always been a jag-off.
Ellen: Watch your mouth!

View Quote Aunt Edna: Is this your idea of a good restaurant? Dog killer!

View Quote Aunt Edna: Clark, Dinkins needs a long walk and a bath.
Clark: Rusty take care of Dinkins.
Rusty: Dad he bites.
Clark: Bite him back.

View Quote Audrey Griswold: She breathed on me! A dead person breathed on me!

View Quote Rusty: That was a crummy Wyatt Earp dad. He was wearing jogging shoes.
Clark: They used to Rusty.

View Quote Arabs, Arabs, are they Arabs? Give them whatever they want.

View Quote Oh Ellen, the old west was dirty. Everything isn't like home. If everything were like home, there would be no reason for leaving home. Right, Rusty?

View Quote [In the middle of a desert. Clark is going crazy as he trots through the hills. Two men on horses watch him]
Clark: We passed a God damn gas station every 10 yards for 1000 miles, but when you really need one, you end up walking your ass off. This is no way to run a desert!
Cowboy: What an asshole.

View Quote The Girl in the Ferrari: It's too bad you're married... I'm in the mood for some fun!