National Lampoon's Vacation

National Lampoon's Vacation quotes

67 total quotes (ID: 413)

Clark Griswold
Multiple Characters
Roy Walley


Audrey Griswold: She breathed on me! A dead person breathed on me!


Marty Moose: Sorry, folks! We're closed for two weeks to clean and repair America's favorite family fun park. Sorry, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh!

Clark: Ed, this is not the car I ordered. I distinctly ordered the Antartic Blue Super Sports Wagon with C.B. and optional rally fun pack.
Car Salesman: You didn't order the Metallic Pea?

Clark: Excuse me, could you please tell me how to get back on the express way?
Pimp: **** yo mama!
Clark: Thank you very much.

Clark: We're from out of town.
Man Giving Directions: No shit.

Rusty: That was a crummy Wyatt Earp dad. He was wearing jogging shoes.
Clark: They used to Rusty.

Ellen: [after the bartender shoots at Clark] Clark, I don't think that was funny. A loud noise like that could damage the kids' hearing.
Clark: C'mon, Ellen. It looked real. Hell - I thought it was a real gun. Didn't you think it was real, honey?
Audrey: What?
Clark: I said didn't you think it was real?
Audrey: What?
Ellen: Oh are you happy now Clark? She's deaf.
Clark: Oh what the hell - it was fun anyway.

Aunt Edna: You're the ones who sent me the fruitcake for Christmas. It made me so sick!
Ellen: Oh - we're sorry. We thought you enjoyed fruitcake.
Aunt Edna: Do you enjoy throwing up every five minutes Claude?
Clark: Clark.
Aunt Edna: I thought so. Whew! Well am I gonna eat, or am I gonna starve to death?

Audrey: Mom, where can I go to the bathroom?
Ellen: Find a bush Audrey!

Rusty: Wow dad, we must have jumped that rail by like 50 yards.
Clark: Nothing to be proud of Russ... [pauses as Rusty walks away] 50 yards...

Clark: I'm just trying to treat my family to a little fun.
Ellen: Oh spare me, Clark, I know your brand of family fun. Tomorrow you'll probably kill the desk clerk, hold up a McDonalds, and drive us 1000 miles out of the way to see the world's largest pile of mud!

Ellen: Lord, we loved this woman with all our heart.
Audrey: Let's not overdo it, mom.
Ellen: Shut up.

Rusty: Is that a real gun, Mom?
Ellen: I don't know, Rusty, but when this is all over, your father may be going away for a little while.

Oh Ellen, the old west was dirty. Everything isn't like home. If everything were like home, there would be no reason for leaving home. Right, Rusty?

Hey, hey, easy kids. Everybody in the car. Boat leaves in two minutes... or perhaps you don't want to see the second largest ball of twine on the face of the earth, which is only four short hours away?