Edgar/The Bug
Where do you keep your dead?!
Manny the News Vendor I don't have any dead.
Edgar/The Bug
[Grabs him]
WHERE?!
Manny the News Vendor I don't know. Uh, the city morgue?
Agent K
Patricia McPherson · 30 quotes
Agent J
19 quotes
Dr. Laurel Weaver
Linda Fiorentino · 10 quotes
James Darrell Edwards / Agent J
9 quotes
Jack Jeebs
Tony Shalhoub · 2 quotes
Most scenes together: Agent J & Agent K (17), Agent K & Dr. Laurel Weaver (5), Agent J & Dr. Laurel Weaver (5)
Men in Black quotes
Page 2 of 4 Manny the News Vendor Manny the News Vendor [Speaking about Laurel]
Veeery interesting. She's got a real 'Queen of the Undead' thing going on there.
Of the body.
Oh, great body.
1,500 years ago, everybody knew that the Earth was the center of the universe. 500 years ago, everybody knew that the Earth was flat. And 15 minutes ago, you knew that humans were alone on this planet. Imagine what you'll know tomorrow.
[neuralyzing Beatrice after she tells them her story]
Alright, Beatrice, there was no alien. The flash of light you saw in the sky was not a UFO. Swamp gas from a weather balloon was trapped in a thermal pocket, and refracted light from Venus.
Wait, wait, wait a minute. So, you just flash that thing, it erases her memory, and you just come up with a new one?
A standard issue Neuralyzer.
And that weak-ass story's the best you can come up with?
Yeah. [to Beatrice] On a more personal note, Beatrice, Edgar ran off with an old girlfriend. You're gonna go stay with your mom a couple nights, you're gonna get over it, and decide you're better off.
Well, yeah, 'cause, 'cause, he never appreciated you anyway. In fact, you know what, you kicked him out! And now that he's gone, you're gonna go in town, go to Bloomingdale's, get yourself some nice dresses, get yourself some shoes, go somewhere maybe, get a facial, and, uh, oh, hire a decorator to come into this place quick, 'cause, damn!
[Beatrice is looking at J with a blank stare]
All right, kid, here's the deal. At any given time, there are around fifteen hundred aliens on the planet, most of them right here in Manhattan. And most of them are decent enough; they're just trying to make a living.
Cab drivers.
No, not as many as you'd think. Humans, for the most part, don't have a clue. They don't want one or need one, either. They're happy. They think they have a good bead on things.
But why? Why the big secret? People are smart. They can handle it.
A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky, dangerous animals, and you know it. Fifteen hundred years ago, everybody knew the Earth was the center of the universe. Five hundred years ago, everybody knew the Earth was flat. And fifteen minutes ago, you knew that people were alone on this planet. Imagine what you'll know tomorrow.
What's the catch?
The catch? The catch is you will sever every human contact. Nobody will ever know you exist anywhere...Ever. I'll give you 'til sunrise to think it over. [walks away]
Hey! Is it worth it?
Oh yeah, it's worth it... if you're strong enough.
Edwards! Let's put it on.
Put what on?
The last suit you'll ever wear.
[To Jeebs]
I want you on the next transport off this rock, or I'm gonna shoot you where it don't grow back.
Look at this.
What the hell was that?
Alien Rosenberg [J touches Rosenberg’s ear and it unlocks the head showing a small control room containing alien Rosenberg] [struggling to speak]
Must.....To Prevent.....Contest.
It's okay. What are you tryna say?
Alien Rosenberg Prevent.
Prevent. Struggle?
Alien Rosenberg [shaking his head]
No...To Prevent.
War?
Alien Rosenberg [nodding his head up and down slowly]
War. The galaxy...is on...Orion's....Be-be---What is word?
Bed? Belt? Orion's Belt?
[Rosenberg nods as the control room shuts down and he dies; Orion looks down from a ledge and meows]
"To prevent war, the galaxy is on Orion's belt." What the hell does that mean? [to K] Dr., uh...Whatever, come here.
Dr. Whatever? Hey, you guys aren't really from the Department of Health, are you?
Rosenberg. Aw, damn. The Arquillians are not gonna like this. This guy was one of the royal family.
I knew it. This is an alien, and you guys are from some government agency trying to keep it under wraps.
[after stepping on a cockroach, causing the Bug to freeze as he is climbing to the remaining ship]
Uh-oh. I'm sorry. Was that your auntie? [the Bug turns toward J with a enraged snarl] Oh. Then that must mean that-that's your uncle, then, huh? [points at another cockroach at his feet before squashing it] Y'know y'all look alike. [enraged, the Bug descends to the ground and approaches him] Well, well. Big bad bug got a bit of a soft spot, huh? [squishes another cockroach; the Bug snarls in anger] See, what I can't understand is why you gotta come down bringin' all this ruckus! Snatchin' up galaxies and everything. [Laurel watches as the Bug moves closer to Agent J] My attitude is: don't start nuttin', won't be nuttin’! [crushes two more cockroaches as the Bug walks right up to him, seething with anger] You need to ease up out my face 'fore somethin' bad happen to you. [K loads up his gun within the Bug's stomach; smiles] Too late.
[K shoots, blowing the Bug in half and freeing himself. They are covered in bug guts. J picks up the galaxy.] [calling headquarters]
Zed, call the Arquillians, tell them we have the galaxy.
I like this gun.
Yeah, well, while you were in there playin' around, I was down here doin' all the work. First, I had to bean him in the head with the big rock. Then I was gonna hit him with a two-by-four. He kicked me. Y'know, it hurt. Then I got the fire. I was "yah!" with the fire.
[Unknown to them, the half of the Bug creeps up to them]
Not bad for your second day of work is it?
This definitely rates a 9.0 on my Weird Shit-o-Meter.
Should've been here for the Zeronian migration in 1968. I guess you weren't even alive in '68.
[Half of the Bug appears behind them, about to eat them, but is blasted to pieces. They turn around to see Laurel, who's holding the big gun] [grinning]
Interesting job you guys have.
You sold a reverberating carbonizer with mutate capacity to an unlicensed cephalopoid, Jeebs, you piece of...!
Containment may be a moot point, old friend. The exodus continues. It's like the party's over and the last one to leave gets stuck with the check.
¿Qué dices si te rompo la cara?(What do you say if I break your face?) [the guy smiles and nods. He stops, and his own smile broadens, and he drops a hand on the guy's shoulder] No hablas ni una palabra del español, ¿ verdad, amigo? (You don't speak a word of Spanish, do you, friend?) [again, the guy smiles and nods. He looks back at Agent D] We got a winner. [to the others] Los restos estan libres a irse. Lárgense! (The rest of you are free to go. Scram!)
A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky, dangerous animals, and you know it.