The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou quotes

115 total quotes (ID: 342)

Alistair Hennessy
Bill Ubell
Jane Winslett-Richardson
Klaus Daimler
Ned Plimpton
Oseary Drakoulias
Steve Zissou


Alistair: Apparently some crooked ****ers broke into my sea lab yesterday.
Crew member: How awful. Did they nick anything?
Alistair: It doesn't say. They probably just trashed the place. I'm so pissed I wanna spit. Hugo - tell Carl to load my elephant gun with buckshot. We're gonna hunt down these sickos.


Alistair: How are things going with your - what are you calling it? Leopard fish?
Steve: Jaguar shark.
Alistair: Jaguar shark! So tell me - does it really exist?
Steve: You know, Allie, I don't want to give away the ending.

Alistair: Is this my espresso machine? Wh-what is — h-how did you get my espresso machine?
Bill Ubell: Well... uh... we ****in' stole it, man.

Alistair: You're the most ravishing creature that I've ever seen in my life.
Eleanor: Hello Skinny.
Alistair: Hello Eleanor.
Eleanor: Is that a new merit badge?
Alistair: Oh, yeah, as a matter of fact it is. I just became a Knight in Portugal, the Presidente gave a special ball...
Steve: Don't be nice to Ali, he's my nemesis.

Anne-Marie: Do you know that you just charted us on a course through unprotected waters?
Steve: Yeah, we're taking the shortcut.
Anne-Marie: But it's outside I.M.U. jurisdiction. There isn't any protection.
Steve: I know, honey. Look at the map. We go your way, that's about four inches. We go my way, it's an inch and a half. You wanna pay for the extra gas?

Anne-Marie: Uh, what is this, Pele?
Pele: I don't know. Uh, the map?

Antonia Cook: You must be so excited.
Steve: I hope so. You think it went OK?
Antonia Cook: No. Congratulations... Seriously.
Steve: Thanks. I wish it didn't require the "seriously," but thank you.

Bill Ubell: [as Steve raises his spear gun] No. Captain. That's Cedric. He's a friend.
Steve: Merci, Cedric. Remind me, we'll send him a red cap and a Speedo.

Bill: Do you have a vault? They want to know if there's a vault.
Steve: There's no vault.
Steve: [narrating a scene of a documentary being watched by the pirates] Our vault contains at least ten different currencies from all over the world at any given moment, and we are prepared for every kind of financial necessity.
Steve: [seeing pirates with the vault] There goes Ned's inheritance.

Eleanor: Oh, shit. What do you want?
Steve: Do you mind if I butter you up a little before I answer that question?
Eleanor: Yes, I do. Tell me now.
Steve: I need some money to get the boat out of hock and rescue my bond company stooge who got kidnapped. Could we ask your parents to loan it to me?
Eleanor: No.
Steve: Okay. Could I go ahead and butter you up anyway? It took me two and a half hours to get out here.

Eleanor: Your cat's dead.
Steve: What? Which one?
Eleanor: Marmalade. I'm sorry.
Steve: What happened?
Eleanor: A rattlesnake bit it in the throat.
Steve: Goddamn it, Eleanor, why do you have to say it like that? You couldn't try to break it a little bit nicer?
Steve: She's a rich bitch, you know. She was raised by maids. Her parents paid for this island and two of my worst movies. People say she's the brains behind Team Zissou.
Ned: People say a lot of things. What kind of cat was it?
Steve: Who gives a shit?
Steve: I think it was a tabby.

Festival Director: That's an endangered species at most. What would be the scientific purpose of killing it?
Steve: Revenge.

Jane: Are we-are we safe in here?
Steve: I doubt it.

Jane: How do you feel about part one of your new film?
Steve: Why? How do you feel about part one of my new film?
Jane: Well, I'm honest, so -
Steve: Just say it.
Jane: I thought aspects of it seemed slightly fake.
Steve: Did it seem fake when my best friend was bitten in half right in front of me then eaten alive, screaming? I think you're a fake. And I think you're a phony, and a bad reporter. How does that feel? Now tell me something. [Steve points his gun at her] Does this seem fake?

Jane: I need to find a baby for this father.
Steve: Yeah, I think I know what you mean.