Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events

Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events quotes

41 total quotes (ID: 787)

Count Olaf
Klaus Baudelaire
Lemony Snicket
Violet Baudelaire


It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. It's like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down through the air, and there's a sickly moment of dark surprise. The children's grief was not only for their uncle, but for that tender hope that they might have found home again. A hope which, thanks to a villainous actor, was now slowly tumbling away.


It's the letter, the letter that never came. (reading letter) Dearest Children, Since we have been abroad we have missed you all so much. Certain events have compelled us to extend our travels. One day, where you're older, you will learn all about the people we've befriended, and the dangers we have faced. At times the world can seem an unfriendly and sinister place, but believe us when we say there is much more good in it than bad. All you have to do is look hard enough. And what might seem to be a series of unfortunate events, may, in-fact be the first steps of a journey. We hope to have you back in our arms soon darlings, but in case this letter arrives before our return, know that we love you. It fills us with pride to know that no matter what happens in this life, that you three will take care of each other with kindness, and bravery, and selflessness as you always have. And remember one thing my darlings and never forget it - that no matter where we are, know that as long as you have each other, you have your family, and you are home. Your loving parents.

Let's go back to prehistoric times when dinosaurs ruled the earth! [starts acting like a dinosaur and making dinosaur sounds]

Now, now. Let's keep our heads here. If you do anything to me, you're just sinking to my level. Not to mention setting a terrible example for the children.

There's always something

These things don't just happen.

This... is a little piece I like to call "The Electric Chair". (Sits in a chair. Everybody stares at him, while nothing happens. In a country/redneck accent) I think ya' might have t' turn it up a little! (slight pause) Is anybody...OOUUTT TTHHEERREE!!! DAAAAAAHHHHHHH! AHHHHHH!

Violet, I think you better tie up your hair...

What do you think? Too diabolical? Give me some feedback!

You are so deceased!

You know, it's a big, big world out there. Filled with desperate orphans who would gladly swim across and ocean of thumbtacks just to be eclipsed by the long shadow cast by my accomplishments. But I don't care about them. I chose to open my heart to you two luvverly children and your hideous primate. All I ask in return is that you do each and every thing that pops into my head while I enjoy the enormous fortune your parents left behind.