The Lady Eve

The Lady Eve quotes

40 total quotes (ID: 1109)

Charles Pike
Jean Harrington
Muggsy


Jean: You see, Hopsie, you don't know very much about girls! The best ones aren't as good as you probably think they are, and the bad ones aren't as bad. Not nearly as bad. So I suppose you're right to worry, falling in love with an adventuress on the high seas.
Charles: Are you an adventuress?
Jean: Of course I am. All women are. They have to be. If you waited for a man to propose to you from natural causes, you'd die of old maidenhood. That's why I let you try my slippers on. And then I put my cheek against yours. And then I made you put your arms around me. And then I, I fell in love with you, which wasn't in the cards.
[Charles shows her the photo of her and her father, identifying them as con-artists]
Jean: Rotten likeness, isn't it? I never cared for that picture...Please don't look so upset, darling. I was going to tell you when we got to New York. I would have told you last night, only it wouldn't have been fair to Harry and Gerald. I mean you, you never know how someone's going to take things like that. And well, maybe I wanted you to love me a little more too. You believe me, don't you? You don't think I was gonna marry you without telling you? You don't think that badly of me? Or do you?


Look at that girl over to his left. Look over to your left, bookworm. There's a girl pining for ya. A little further. Just a little further. There. Wasn't that worth looking for? See those nice store teeth all beaming at you. She recognizes you. She's up, she's down. She can't make up her mind. She's up again. She recognizes you. She's coming over to speak to you. The suspense is killing me. 'Why for heaven's sake, aren't you Fuzzy Oathammer I went to manual training school with in Louisville? Oh you're not? Well, you certainly look exactly like him. It's certainly a remarkable resemblance. But you're not going to ask me to sit down. I suppose you're not going to ask me to sit down. I'm very sorry. I certainly hope I haven't caused you any embarrassment, you so and so.'

[about Charles] I need him like the axe needs the turkey.

[to Jean] It's funny to be even here at your feet talking about beer? You see, I don't like beer, bock beer, lager beer, or steam beer...I do not! And I don't like pale ale, brown ale, nut brown ale, porter or stout which makes me ulp just to think about it. Ulp! Excuse me. But it wasn't enough so everybody'd call me Hopsie ever since I was six years old. Hopsie Pike.

Sir Alfred: I took the further precaution of telling him the plot of Cecilia, or the Coachman's Daughter, a gaslight melodrama...I filled him full of handsome coachmen, elderly Earls, young wives, and the two little girls who looked exactly alike.
Eve: You mean he actually swallowed that?
Sir Alfred: Like a wolf. Well, and now that you've got him, what are you gonna do with him?
Eve: I'm going to finish what I started, I'm going to dine with him, dance with him, swim with him, laugh at his jokes, canoodle with him and then one day, about six weeks from now...It won't even take six weeks. One day, about two weeks from now, we'll be riding in the hills, past waterfalls and mountain greenery, up and down ravines and around through vine-covered trails, 'til we come to a spot where the scenery will be so gorgeous, it will rise up and smite me on the head like a hammer. And the sunset will be so beautiful I'll have to get off my horse to admire it, and as I stand there against the glory of Mother Nature, my horse will steal up behind me and nuzzle my hair, AND SO WILL CHARLES, THE HEEL.

[to 'Lady Eve'] Well, I mean to say, uh, haven't we met?

[as 'Lady Eve', about Charles] I want to see him first and I want him to ask me to be free. That's all. No money, no nothing....there's something I want to say to him before we part.

[to Charles] See anything you like?

I wonder if my tie's on straight. I certainly upset them, don't I? Now who else is after me? Ah, the lady champion wrestler, wouldn't she make a houseful. Oh, you don't like her either. Well, what are you going to do about her? Oh, you just can't stand it anymore. You're leaving. These women don't give you a moment's peace, do they? Well go ahead! Go sulk in your cabin. Go soak your head and see if I care.

Jean: What were you doing up the Amazon?
Charles: Looking for snakes. I'm an ophiologist.
Jean: I thought you were in the beer business.
Charles: Beer? Ale!
Jean: What's the difference?
Charles: Between beer and ale?
Jean: Yes.
Charles: My father'd burst a blood vessel if he heard you say that. There's a big difference. Ale's sort of fermented on the top or something, and beer's fermented on the bottom, or maybe it's the other way around. There's no similarity at all. You see, the trouble with being descended from a brewer, no matter how long ago he brewered, or whatever you call it, you're supposed to know all about something you don't give a hoot about.

[about 'Lady Eve'] That's the same dame. She looks the same, she walks the same, and she's tossing you just like she done the last time.

[after Charles tells her he knew she was a con-artist and he romanced and dumped her on purpose] You mean you were playing me for a sucker? I don't believe it. But if you were, if you were just trying to make me feel cheap and hurt me, you succeeded handsomely. You ought to be very proud of yourself, Mr. Pike, very proud of yourself.

You ought to put handles on that skull. Maybe you could grow geraniums in it.

Not good enough...they're not good enough for him. Every Jane in the room is giving him the thermometer and he feels they're just a waste of time. He's returning to his book, he's deeply immersed in it. He sees no one except - watch his head turn when that kid goes by. It won't do you any good, dear, he's a bookworm, but swing 'em anyway. Oh, now how about this one. How would you like that hanging on your Christmas tree? Oh you wouldn't? Well, what is your weakness, brother? Holy smoke, the dropped kerchief! That hasn't been used since Lily Langtry. You'll have to pick it up yourself, madam. It's a shame, but he doesn't care for the flesh. He'll never see it.

[to Charles, about the Harringtons] They might know a couple of tricks you ain't seen yet.