Heathers

Heathers quotes

79 total quotes (ID: 272)

Heather Chandler
Heather Duke
J.D.
Multiple Characters
Veronica Sawyer


Kurt Kelly: Hey Ram, doesn't this cafeteria have a no fags allowed rule?
J.D.: Well, they seem to have an open door policy for assholes though don't they?


Dear Diary: Heather says she teaches people real life, she says "real life sucks losers dry. If you wanna **** with the eagles, you have to learn to fly." I said, "So you teach people to spread their wings and fly?" She said, "Yes." I said, "You're beautiful."

What is your damage, Heather?

My parents wanted to move me into high school out of the sixth grade, but we decided to chuck the idea because I'd have trouble making friends, blah, blah, blah. Now blah, blah, blah is all I ever do. I use my grand IQ to decide what color lip gloss to wear in the morning and how to hit three keggers before curfew...

Betty Finn was a true friend and I sold her out for a bunch of Swatch dogs and Diet Coke heads. Killing Heather would be like offing the wicked witch of the west... wait east. West! God! I sound like a ****ing psycho.

Great pate, mom, but I gotta motor if I wanna be ready for that party.

Great pate, mom, but I gotta motor if I wanna be ready for that funeral.

This isn't just a spoke in my menstrual cycle.

Tomorrow, I'll be kissing her aerobicized ass, but tonight, let me dream of a world without Heather, a world where I am free.

I say we just grow up, be adults and die.

If you were happy every day of your life you wouldn't be a human being. You'd be a game-show host.

[Kneeling at Heather's coffin,"praying"]Hi. I'm sorry. Technically, I did not kill Heather Chandler.. But hey, who am I trying to kid, right? I just want my High School to be a nice place... Amen... Did that sound bitchy?

What's the up-chuck factor on that?

Dear diary, my teen-angst bullshit now has a body count. Everybody's sad...but it's kind of a weird kind of sad. Suicide gave Heather depth, Kurt a soul, and Ram a brain. I don't know what it's given me, but I have no control over myself when I'm with J.D. Are we going to prom or to hell?

It's one thing to want someone out of your life, but it's another thing to serve them a wake-up cup full of Liquid Drano.