Harold and Maude

Harold and Maude quotes

23 total quotes (ID: 265)

Mrs. Chasen

Do you enjoy knives?

I suppose you think that’s very funny, Harold.

Maude: That little tree. It's in trouble. Come on.
[They walk over to a tree growing through the sidewalk in front of a building]
Maude: Look at it, oh. It's suffocating. Well, it's the smog. You know, people can live with it, but trees — it gives them asthma. They can't breathe. The leaves, look, they’re turning all brown. Harold, we have got to do something about this life.
Harold: What?
Maude: We'll transplant it. To the forest.
Harold: You can't do that
Maude: Why not?
Harold: This is public property.
Maude: Well, exactly.

Maude: Oh, that was fun. Let's play something together.
Harold: I don't play anything.
Maude: Nothing? Oh... Dear me. Everybody should be able to make some music. That's the cosmic dance.

Harold: I am sure picking up on vices.
Maude: Vice, Virtue. It's best not to be too moral. You cheat yourself out of too much life. Aim above morality. If you apply that to life, then you’re bound to live life fully.

Harold: I like you, Maude.
Maude: I like you, Harold.

Psychiatrist: Tell me, Harold, how many of these, eh, suicides have you performed?
Harold: An accurate number would be difficult to gauge.
Psychiatrist: Well, just give me a rough estimate.
Harold: A rough estimate? I'd say...fifteen.
Psychiatrist: Fifteen?
Harold: That’s a rough estimate.
Psychiatrist: Were they all done for your mother's benefit?
Harold: No. No, I would not say "benefit."

Psychiatrist: Uh, tell me, Harold, what do you do for fun? What activity gives you a different sense of enjoyment from the others? What do you find fulfilling? What gives you that... special satisfaction?
[long pause]
Harold: I go to funerals.