Mrs. Chasen quotes

I suppose you think that’s very funny, Harold.

Harold: You hop in any car you want and just drive off?
Maude: Well, not any car -- I like to keep a variety. I'm always looking for the new experience.
Harold: [smiling] Maybe.
[sobering] Nevertheless, I think you're upsetting people. I don’t know if that's right.
Maude: Well, if some people get upset because they feel they have a hold on some things, I'm merely acting as a gentle reminder: here today, gone tomorrow, so don't get attached to things. Now, with that in mind, I'm not against collecting things...

Maude: Here we are. Oat straw tea and ginger pie. Excuse the mismatched saucers.
Harold: This is definitely a new experience for me.
Maude: Oh, wonderful. Try something new each day.
After all, we're given life to find it out. It doesn't last forever.

Maude: I should like to change into a sunflower most of all. They’re so tall and simple.
What flower would you like to be?
Harold: I don't know. One of these, maybe.
Maude: Why do you say that?
Harold: Because they’re all alike.
Maude: Oooh, but they’re not. Look. See, some are smaller, some are fatter, some grow to the left, some to the right, some even have lost some petals. All kinds of observable differences. You see, Harold, I feel that much of the world's sorrow comes from people who are this, [she points to a single daisy] yet allow themselves be treated as that [she gestures to a field of daisies].

Maude: That little tree. It's in trouble. Come on.
[They walk over to a tree growing through the sidewalk in front of a building]
Maude: Look at it, oh. It's suffocating. Well, it's the smog. You know, people can live with it, but trees — it gives them asthma. They can't breathe. The leaves, look, they’re turning all brown. Harold, we have got to do something about this life.
Harold: What?
Maude: We'll transplant it. To the forest.
Harold: You can't do that
Maude: Why not?
Harold: This is public property.
Maude: Well, exactly.

Maude: Oh, that was fun. Let's play something together.
Harold: I don't play anything.
Maude: Nothing? Oh... Dear me. Everybody should be able to make some music. That's the cosmic dance.

Harold: I am sure picking up on vices.
Maude: Vice, Virtue. It's best not to be too moral. You cheat yourself out of too much life. Aim above morality. If you apply that to life, then you’re bound to live life fully.

Harold: I like you, Maude.
Maude: I like you, Harold.

Harold: Maude.
Maude: Hmm?
Harold: Do you pray?
Maude: Pray? No. I communicate.
Harold: With God?
Maude: With Life.

Harold: This is real nice. Makes me want to do somersaults.
Maude: Well, why don't you?
Harold: I'd feel stupid.
Maude: Harold, everyone has the right to make an ass out of themselves.
You just can't let the world judge you too much.

Maude: What a fuss this is -- so unnecessary.
Harold: Don't die, Maude, for Christ’s sake.
Maude: Oh, Harold -- oh, don't upset yourself so.
Harold: I love you. I love you!
Maude: Oh, Harold... That's wonderful. Go and love some more.

Psychiatrist: Tell me, Harold, how many of these, eh, suicides have you performed?
Harold: An accurate number would be difficult to gauge.
Psychiatrist: Well, just give me a rough estimate.
Harold: A rough estimate? I'd say...fifteen.
Psychiatrist: Fifteen?
Harold: That’s a rough estimate.
Psychiatrist: Were they all done for your mother's benefit?
Harold: No. No, I would not say "benefit."

Psychiatrist: Uh, tell me, Harold, what do you do for fun? What activity gives you a different sense of enjoyment from the others? What do you find fulfilling? What gives you that... special satisfaction?
[long pause]
Harold: I go to funerals.

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